


Now's the time for monsters

by scalira



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Drabbles, M/M, Tumblr Prompts, one shots
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-05
Updated: 2016-10-29
Packaged: 2018-05-31 12:29:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 26
Words: 49,878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6470017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scalira/pseuds/scalira
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Once upon a time there was a vampire. And then there was a fledgling, and then there was a vampire and a fledgling. [collection of Saphael one shots and drabbles]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Don't you dare throw that snowb- goddamnit!

**Author's Note:**

> I've been taking Saphael prompts on Tumblr, so I decided to bring them all together here! I hope to frequently update this fic, so *raphael voice* stick around.

Winters in New York were always something Simon used to look forward to. Clary hated them, with the heaps of snow and the icy roads and the _cold_ , but Simon always felt the most alive when his skin crawled from the biting wind and his nose turned red.

It’s ironic, really. Simon had always loved when his fingers turned so cold they became numb. But now that his skin is permantly frozen, all the warmth having left his body, he hates it.

Simon would forever live in his own personal winter, and there’s nothing fun about it.

But, despite his own sadness, when winter comes around and drapes the streets of Brooklyn in a thin blanket of snow, Simon can’t help but feel excited.

The other vamps, on the other hand, look even grumpier than they normally do. They’re often woken up in the middle of the day by cheering children, playing outside because their schools are closed, and they are _not_  happy with it.

Simon admits that being a child of the night may have changed his initial love for winter. Loud children waking him up right past noon now really doesn’t feel the same as when they did when he was still human.

Nevertheless, he still can’t wait for the sun to set to get outside and hear the snow crunch under his boots.

At first, he goes alone. The other vampires either hang around inside and take naps because they were up throughout the day or go out to local clubs or diners. He can’t ask Clary to join either, since she’s still set on normal hours and is asleep when Simon is awake.

So his first few trips outside are rather lonely. By the fifth night, there’s actually nothing fun about them anymore. He’s made a pile of snowballs (with his bare hands, no gloves, which Mundane!Simon would’ve found very impressive), a little army of tiny snowmen and three snowvampires, with little sticks to mimic fangs and long fingernails. True masterpieces, every one of them, but there really is no point to be proud of his creations when there’s nobody there to enjoy them.

Simon is too stubborn to give and go back inside, even if he’s bored out of his mind alone. It’s winter and he’s going to enjoy it, even if every last one of his fingers breaks off due to the cold.

On the sixth night he’s just _sitting there,_ the snow seeping through his pants but not his skin, not like it used to. Simon is almost as cold as the snow is now. Which really doesn’t do anything to lift his mood.

“What are you doing outside?”

Simon jumps and turns around, only to find Raphael frowning at him, his arms crossed in front of his chest.

“Just - uh… enjoying the snow,” Simon says sheepishly, making a vague gesture to his surroundings.

“Right… I don’t know if I’m just old, but back in my day ‘having fun’ wasn’t sitting in the snow getting your ass wet.”

Simon rolls his eyes at Raphael and takes a handful of snow.

“Okay, _grandpa_. Thanks, but I just happen to be having a blast here.”

Raphael does that squint he does, where his eyebrows knit together and he almost closes his eyes completely, his long lashes almost touching. Then he shakes his head and turns around to get back inside.

It’s the first company Simon has had in days, even if it’s just Raphael, and he really doesn’t want him to leave. So, _really_ , the only thing he can do is throw a snowball at his back. Honestly. He has no other choice.

It’s almost comical, the way Raphael turns around. Very slowly, very calculated. Like a predator.

“What did you just do?” He asks, perfectly enunciating every word.

“I - uh… I threw a snowball?”

“ _Why_?”

“Because you seemed in need of one?” Simon offers. If he could still blush, his cheeks would be bright red right about now. But hey, at least Raphael isn’t leaving. 

“Careful, fledgling. You don’t want to test me.”

Simon gulps and tries to hide it in a chuckle, waving his fingers in Raphael’s general direction as if to cast a spell.

“Oooh, you’re _so_  scary,” he says, hoping it sounds teasing.

Raphael’s eyebrows shoot up. He opens his mouth to say something, but decides gainst it at the last second. Then he turns back around and plans on walking away again.

Simon throws another snowball and has a third one in his hand before Raphael can look at him.

“Simon, don’t you _dare_  throw that snowba-, goddamnit!” The third snowball hits his chest, leaving a wet spot right between his pecks.

Raphael looks down at his shirt and then to Simon, who quickly scrambles to his feet. Then he pulls up his lip in a snarl and lunges forward so fast Simon doesn’t have time to react. Before he realizes it, Raphael is pressing him into the snow face first, a firm hand on the back of his head.

“Eat snow, Mundane!”

Simon couldn’t keep in the giggle leaving his lips even if he wanted to, and he uses his new found vampire strength to turn them around and straddle Raphael’s hips.

“Not a Mundane anymore,” he reminds his leader smugly. Then he reaches next to his head to take some snow and smears it right into Raphael’s face. He tries to squirm away, but Simon has him pinned to the ground.

“Oh, you’re gonna wish you’d stayed in your grave,” Raphael hisses.

Simon jumps up before Raphael can grab him and the older vampire gets up to chase him down the street. Somewhere along the line he must’ve stolen a snowball from Simon’s pile, because he throws one at the back of Simon’s head and laughs.

It’s not like Raphael hasn’t chased Simon before. It’s part of the training to practise on his speed, but mostly they’d stuck to the hotel.

Outside, though, the chasing is way more fun. Simon never realized how truly _fast_  he was until he sees the streets of Brooklyn blur next to him, until he hears the wind whistle in his ears.

Simon is fast, but Raphael is still faster. He catches up to him in an alley and grabs him by the shoulders, causing Simon to lose his balance and fall onto his back.

Raphael doesn’t even give him the time to stumble an apology before he’s stuffing his face with snow. Simon turns his head in a weak attempt to dodge the attack and grips Raphael’s wrists, but the older vampire is stronger too.

“Truce, truce!” He manages to say before Raphael can stuff his mouth with snow as well. He immediately stops and sits back on his knees, waiting for Simon to do so too.

They sit like that for a few moments, their knees almost touching and both panting even though they don’t have to. Simon notices that the snow has messed up the gel in Raphael’s hair, and it’s curling naturally around his ears.

Then Simon takes some snow and throws it at Raphael. The goose chase starts all over again.

They end up back at the Dumort and go through Simon’s snowball collection in no time, dodging behind cars and dramatically jumping through the air, war cries leaving their lips as if they’re children again.

When they run out of ammunition and the night is coming to its end, they decide to end the war.

As Simon walks over to Raphael, who’s waiting for him by the entrance of the hotel, he realizes with a shock that he’s smiling. An actual, genuine, kind smile. SImon takes pride in the fact that he put it there. Raphael even pats him on the shoulder as they enter the hotel.

“Same time tomorrow?” Simon asks before Raphael can disappear into his bedroom.

The other vampire stops walking for just a second and doesn’t turn around to confirm or deny this idea. Then he walks into his room and closes the door behind him.

The next night, Simon is met with a snowball thrown at his back and a smiling Raphael waiting for him to start a second war.


	2. You did all of that for me?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simon wants to celebrate Raphael's birthday. Things go wrong.

Birthdays were a delicate subject in the vampire world.

Older vampires didn’t really have a problem with them. They didn’t mind celebrating them, and they didn’t mind _not_  celebrating them. For them it was just an ordinary day, one that had lost its meaning in all the years they’d been immortal.

Other vampires made a big deal out of celebrating them, especially the big milestones. It was some kind of trophy for them, a prize. _Look at how many years I have survived in a world built to destroy me._

The younger vampires though, those younger than a century, they didn’t even want to _think_ about birthdays. For them, their birthday wasn’t proof of how tough, how much of a survivor they were. For them, it was a reminder that, though the world around them and all the people on it were aging, they were not. Birthdays reminded them that they may have left the mortal world, but loved ones were still roaming it. Getting older, getting closer to death, dying a bit more each year. And they would live forever. They would have to watch all the people the cared about die.

So, yeah, birthdays weren’t really a much appreciated subject amongst vampires.

Of course, Simon couldn’t have known that.

He’d figured out Raphael’s zodiac sign by being clever. One day, when the older vampire had been especially moody and Emo™, Simon had muttered under his breath: “You must be a Scorpio.”

Instead of playing dumb and pretending like he didn’t know what Simon was talking about, Raphael had sneered: “Actually, I’m a Pisces.”

And so, the plan had been set into motion.

Simon wasn’t thick. He knew there was a better chance of him waking up with boobs than for Raphael to tell him his _actual_  birthday. So his zodiac sign would have to do.

Simon picked February 20th as Raphael’s unofficial birthday date, the first day of the Pisces sign. He had to be very sneaky about it, avoiding Raphael in case he spilled the beans and hiding in his room to make preparations.

If he was onto something, Raphael didn’t show it.

Simon wasn’t planning on doing something too big. He knew Raphael didn’t like being the centre of attention (though his good looks and terrible attitude would suggest otherwise) and the last thing he wanted to do was to make him feel uncomfortable. Raphael had always made sure that Simon felt at ease in the hotel, had protected him from the initial hostility towards him from the other clan members, made him feel _at home_. The least he could do was return the favor.

The most challenging part of the Birthday Mission, as Simon referred to it in his head, was finding a gift. Raphael was really hard to buy for, especially because he seemed to own everything aleady. Simon thought about buying him a suit, but he didn’t trust his own fashion sense enough to do so. Then he thought maybe he could buy him an ironic gift, like the complete dvd box of the _Twilight_ saga, but Raphael never really was one to appreciate Simon’s humor.

In the end, Simon didn’t find the gift. The gift found him (and yes, he was perfectly aware of how cheesy that sounded). He had been thinking about a way to apologize for calling him a monster when he just got Turned, and this gift might be the way to do it.

The second hardest thing to do was to get Raphael out of his room long enough to decorate it. He usually spend his nights there, doing vampire business Simon didn’t even bother asking about because it usually just confused him or reading one of his many books. Luckily, befriending the clan had more advantages than just not being ignored or scowled at all the time.

A couple of vamps convinced Raphael to go hunting with them on February 20th, basically dragging him outside. Raphael had once told Simon he didn’t like hunting at all and preferred to drink straight out of the bottle so he could pretend it wasn’t blood but maybe a fancy wine, but tonight the clan had convinced him to tag along anyway.

It gave Simon just enough time to prepare Raphael’s room.

Raphael’s room wasn’t unknown territory to him. He hung out there more than in his own oom, especially because the wifi was better there for some reason. He also just liked Raphael’s company, even if they didn’t talk. Once you got to know him, the older vampire had something calming, something soothing over him. That was, of course, if you were ever given the chance to look past the hard exterior. Thankfully, Simon had.

By the time Raphael returned, his eyes dark with fresh blood and his mood excessively better than before, Simon was standing patiently in the middle of his room.

Raphael stopped dead in his tracks to stare at his fledgling smilng at him, his arms held open as he’d just done a magic show and was waiting for the applause.

Instead of applause, he got a bitten off question.

“What is this supposed to be?”

“Happy birthday!” Simon chirped.

Raphael’s face immediately darkened. Simon could almost _see_  the thunder cloud forming above his head and he swallowed loudly. Fuck. He fucked up.

“It’s not my birthday,” Raphael snarled.

“I - I know… But I figured, since I didn’t know your actual birthdate I could… you know - take a wild guess and pin a date.”

“Get out.”

“But-”

“Get out!” Raphael had never raised his voice to Simon, not like that. It was almost like the walls of the hotel shook with the force of it. Simon had to fight the urge to flinch.

“ _Salte_!” To put some more force to his words, Raphael picked up the closest object and flung it to Simon’s head. Simon ducked just in time to avoid the book and ran out of Raphael’s room before he could start chucking more things at him.

Once Raphael threw the door shut behind him, he could hear him popping all the balloons he put up, accompanied by a symphony of Spanish swearwords.

Well, this couldn’t have gone worse.

**~~**

Raphael avoided him for two days after the Birthday Incident, until he showed up at Simon’s door out of nowhere.

When there has been a knock on the door, Simon was expecting Stan or another clan member to ask something not important enough to bother Raphael for but urgent enough to burden Raphael’s personal advisor with.

What he certainly wasn’t expecting was a very serious looking Raphael.

The first thing Simon noticed was his hair. It wasn’t slicked back like usual, but instead curled naturally behind his ears, at the nape of his neck and on his forehead. He obviously just got out of the shower, his hair still dripping onto the casual, dark shirt he was wearing.

Before he could say anything, Raphael held up a book in front of Simon’s nose.

“Oh,” Simon breathed, remembering he had left his gift to Raphael in his room before being exiled from it.

“Can I come in?” Raphael asked. If Simon hadn’t known better, he’d think he sounded… _nervous._

“Ye- yeah, of course!” He stuttered, almost tripping over his own feet as he moved to let him in.

Raphael walked past him and straight to his bed, sitting on the edge of it. He let the book rest in his lap.

“Why’d you do it?”

“What?” Simon asked dumbly.

“My birthday, _idiota_. Why did you make an effort to want to celebrate it?”

Simon shrugged sheepishly as he sat down next to him.

“I wanted to do something nice.”

“You did all of that… for me?”

“I mean, it wasn’t that much work to be honest. I just had to buy a gift and some balloons and a banner and I spent more time finding something decent to wear than -”

“Thank you, Simon,” Raphael interrupted, avoiding eye contact.

“But I don’t celebrate birthdays. Not anymore.”

“Yeah, I get that now. I’m sorry, I didn’t want to upset you.”

“I know. Truly, I do. So I wan’t to apologize as well; I shouldn’t have gotten that angry. I just-” He fidgeted with his fingers, something Simon’d never seen him do. Raphael wasn’t one to fidget.

“The last birthday I celebrated was right before I got Turned,” he finally breathed.

“I can’t think about it without remembering that day, so I try to avoid it. My family… they tried celebrating it a few more years, until I begged them to stop. I would never age again, so what was the point?”

“Raph, I’m sorry. I honestly didn’t know.”

“Of course you didn’t. You couldn’t have.”

“So… what made you come over here to explain it?”

A small smile broke through Raphael’s face as he held up the book again.

“I found this and read what you wrote on the first page,” he said softly. 

“Yeah?”

Raphael nodded.

“I needed to read that. I really appreciate it, Simon.”

“Hey, no problem. It’s true, though.”

Raphael smiled wider now, and Simon realized he wanted to see him like that all the time.

“So, do you want to watch a movie or something?”

“Wait, for real?” Simon squealed. Raphael had  _never_  suggested watching a movie with him.

“Why not. I’m here now anyway.”

“Cool! So we can w-”

“Hey,” Raphael interrupted, “it’s my fake birthday, so _I_ can choose what movie we’re watching.”

“Technically, your fake birthday was two days ago.”

“Tut tut tut, I choose or I leave.”

“Fine,” Simon sighed, but his cheeks hurt from smiling so brightly.

Raphael ended up picking the Lion King because he apparently had a weak spot for Disney movies, and if he crawled closer to Simon when Mufasa died, he wasn’t complaining.

They celebrated Frankenstein Day on February 20th next year, to remind themselves that the true monsters weren’t always the ones you’d think they’d be.

Just like Simon had written in the copy of _Frankenstein_ he had bought Raphael a year before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's some discussion about the start day of Pisces (Feb 19th or Feb 20th) but Feb 20th is my birthday so I wanted to put that in so fight me


	3. Hey, have you seen the... Oh.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simon is really damn attractive and Raphael is really damn frustrated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heads up for sexual content such as kissing and grinding.  
> As always, I tried to respect the aro/ace Raphael headcanon. In this drabble Raphael is aromantic, grey-homosexual.

Growing up in the 50s, where gender identity and sexuality were things that just simply weren’t discussed, Raphael was forced to think about his own identity as little as possible.

Deep down, even when his mom introduced him to girls and his friends pointed at possible dates for him to take to the prom, Raphael knew he would never be with one. He just really wasn’t interested in them and having to imagine sharing a life with a girl just made his skin tingle unpleasantly.

The possibility that he might be into boys didn’t even occur to him until after he got Turned.

Vampires, and Downworlders in general, were a lot more easy going when it came to sexuality. The overall rule was simple: love who you want to love, but don’t bother others with it unless they want to be bothered.

So over the course of the next few years, Raphael slowly accepted that he was gay. The world didn’t stop spinning and he wasn’t immediately swallowed by the ground and he didn’t get sick just from living in sin. It was fine, really. Nobody minded and nobody asked and nobody forced themselves onto him.

Raphael thought that was it, until the 80s rolled around.

To be honest, he never really considered having sex with anyone. People told him he’d like it, especially after the first couple of tries, but he just didn’t see the big deal. 

That, of course, wasn’t what the 80s had in store for him.

Raphael hated to confirm standing stereotypes, but the 80s really _were_  a time of wild, unprotected sex, especially in the gay community. And being confronted with so many horny men in small spaces, all grinding up against each other and gripping into pants, dragging lips over sweaty skin, made Raphael feel out of place. As all his gay friends back in that time found multiple partners to share their bed with, Raphael was left behind, dodging grabby hands and sensual lips he didn’t care about.

So yeah, sex wasn’t really something Raphael was into and he didn’t think of the male body in sexual ways and he certainly didn’t feel the need to go further than just some innocent kissing.

Until he met Simon.

The fledgling had been very attractive, even as a Mundane. When he got reborn though, after the inital breakdown everyone went through and after he showered and changed clothes, he was _stunning_ , to say the least. Being undead suited him well, even better than it did others.

If Raphael was totally honest with himself, there were probably better vampires in the hotel to train the new fledgling. He wasn’t the tallest and definitely not the strongest here, but the ‘I’m responsible for you and I promised I’d look after you’ was a great excuse to train him anyway. Seeing him in sweatpants that hugged his ass perfectly was just a nice bonus. Getting to be physical with him was also pretty great.

Since Raphael had never had to deal with these kind of feelings before - the tug in his gut, the warm feeling in his abdomen, the overwhelming desire to push him into the mattress and make him squirm under his touch - he didn’t know what to do with them. He tried to push them away, to ignore them, but that only made him more frustrated. He found himself being on edge all the time, snarling at Simon for no reason other than his own desire for him, shoving him just a little harder when they sparred together and Simon made Raphael’s blood flow to places he was embarrassed to even think about.

He didn’t want to act on his desire because he was afraid Simon wouldn’t feel the same way, would even laugh in his face and never drop the fact that the ‘angry, brooding vampire clan leader’ got a hard on from the lanky nerd.

So when he accidentally walked in on Simon only wearing a towel around is waist, he really hadn’t had any hidden motives.

“Hey, have you seen the..? Oh,” Raphael said, stopping dead in his tracks upon seeing Simon in his full glory.

Simon turned around to face him, the shirt he was about to pull over his head in his hands and a surprised smile on his face.

“Oh, hey Raph. What’s up?”

“I - uh… well - ah-” the older vampire stuttered, suddenly forgetting why he came here in the first place. All he could think of were Simon’s abs, the tight muscles in his upper arms. He normally wore loose shirts that hid his body, but now that Raphael finally got a chance to see what he was always hiding underneath his Star Wars wardrobe, he was lost for words.

“Well?” Simon asked and Raphael’s eyes shot from his torso to his face. Simon had his eyebrows raised in wonder and his lips tugged up in a smirk.

Instead of replying, Raphael just turned around on his heels and left.

**~~**

Simon changed around Raphael after the incident in his room. He got even more talkative, if that were even possible, bothering Raphael with his endless word waterfall every minute they spent together. He also got up into his personal space way more often, plopping down right next to him even though there was plenty of room on the couch, standing shoulder to shoulder to him as Raphael addressed the clan, even flinging his legs over Raphael’s lap on the rare occassion when he agreed to watch one of Simon’s lame movies.

Raphael had had enough of it when Simon caught him off guard during training and managed to get him on the ground, his thighs pressed against Raphael’s sides and a smug grin plastered on his face.

“And so the student becomes the master,” he said proudly. Raphael tried to squirm away, but Simon grabbed his wrists and pressed them to the ground above his head.

“Get off, fledgling,” he spat. But Simon only grinned wider and bent down to meet Raphael’s gaze.

“Make me,” he dared.

Raphael tried to focus on his anger, not on Simon’s hips, or on the bare skin where his shirt had crept up, or how, if he bent down far enough, Raphael could peek down his collar and see his chest. He certainly felt flustered because Simon was an absolute pain in the ass and _not_  because his lips were _so_ close and _so_  pink and _so_  kissable. 

Simon was still hovering above him, waiting for him to fight back. Raphael groaned deep in his throat and flipped them over with ease, now straddling Simon’s hips.

The fledgling made a surprised noise and looked at Raphael big-eyed, his lips slightly parted and breathing heavy. It was such a human thing to do, breathing when he didn’t have to, Raphael could feel his own chest rise and fall unevenly.

“Uh -” Simon started, but before he could find a way to talk himself out of this, Raphael bent down and pressed a kiss on Simon’s lips.

Simon’s head jerked up, pushing harder into the kiss and moaning into Raphael’s mouth once he pried open his lips to slip in his tongue. Simon’s hands snaked up Raphael’s body, over his hips and back and up his shoulders to end up in his hair, pushing him down onto him.

Simon opened his legs so Raphael could settle between them and grunted once Raphael grinded against his crotch. His fingers slipped from Raphael’s thick hair to wrap around the hem of his shirt instead.

“Off,” he demanded between kisses. Raphael broke apart from Simon’s lips long enough to pull his shirt over his head and do the same to Simon’s. They both gasped once their bare chests pressed against each other.

Raphael ducked his head down to leave biting kisses down Simon’s jaw and neck, flicking his tongue over his collarbone. Simon’s fingernails dug into Raphael’s back.

“Fu- fuck,” Raphael cursed.

“Please do,” Simon replied, trying to keep true to his witty self despite being a squirming mess underneath Raphael.

“Not here.”

Simon’s head jerked up to frown at Raphael.

“Why not?”

Raphael breathed a laugh, pressing another kiss on Simon’s collarbone.

“Because, unlike some others, I still have some class.”

“Hey, don’t insult me or I’m taking this hot piece of vampire meat away from you,” Simon threatened emptily. Raphael hummed as his eyes travelled over Simon’s body and ended back on his face. The fledgling groaned.

“Okay, I’m taking that back. I can’t deny you anything when you have your bedroom eyes on.”

“How about we go to my bedroom then? Where we have a soft mattress and all the privacy in the world instead of a hard floor and the chance of anyone walking in any second?”

“Mhh, I don’t know. I kinda like the danger of getting caught.”

Raphael raised his eyebrow and grinded down on Simon again. Simon snapped his hips in return.

“Okay, fine,” he peeped, “we’ll go to your room.”

They quickly scrambled to their feet and all but ran to Raphael’s room.

They didn’t bother taking their shirts with them.


	4. I swear that was an accident!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simon may be too loud and too human and too annoying, but when he's gone, Raphael can't help but miss all the noise he makes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Will I ever stop writing Raphael totally pining after Simon and being in awe with everything about him? The answer is no.

The fledgling intrigued Raphael in a way nobody had ever done before.

For example, though he would never admit it to his face, he thought Simon was pretty smart. He seemed to know a lot about a lot, even if it were just useless trivia facts or little details. He was also really passionate about movies and could name the director and all the main actors in every movie they’d seen together so far. It was kind of impressive.

He also had this charm about him, this nerdy attractiveness that frustrated Raphael to no end. No matter how hard he tried, no matter how annoying Simon was, he just simply couldn’t hate him. All he had to do was smile or ramble about something or just _look at him_  the way he could and Raphael would forgive him anything he did wrong. Which was a lot.

Another thing he admired about him was how he clung to his human life. No matter how often he realized that he wasn’t a Mundane, no matter how much blood he needed or how much the sun hurt him, Simon still wanted to pretend like it didn’t have to effect his ordinary life. Sure, he mostly stayed in the hotel the first couple of weeks (surprisingly, since it seemed to be his life mission to ignore _everything_  Raphael told him), but once he controlled his bloodlust, he was desperate to see his mother and sister and his Mundane friends.

Raphael was able to talk moving out out of his head. His mother wouldn’t understand why he slept all day and was awake all night and there was the danger of her just walking into his room and opening his curtains to let in some light, only to burn her son to death. So Simon agreed to stay in the DuMort, but he still went over to his old house every Saturday night to pretend to eat dinner and catch up. His family believed he had found an internship downtown and it was easier for him to move in with a roommate rather than to make the trip every day and he even convinced Raphael to come to dinner the first couple of times as his fake roommate to make sure his alibi was plausible and he didn’t accidentally drain his family from all their blood in a fledgling frenzy. His mom had even grown fond of him, as Simon would often teasingly remind him.

He had also picked up his band again, performing with the Mundane girl Maureen only when it was dark out. He had even invited Raphael to a few of their gigs, to which he had kindly declined.

That didn’t stop Simon from jamming on his acoustic guitar at the hotel, though.

Most vampires knew how to play at least one instrument. If you have eternity to live, you may as well get something out of it. Raphael played the piano pretty well, if he may so himself, and other clan members picked up a violin or cello every once in a while, leaning towards classical instruments to match their ancient soul. Only very few clan members played the guitar, and nobody did it like Simon did.

There was something cheerful and yet sad about the way he played, childish yet mature. He had talent, that was certain. Raphael would never tell him that, that was also certain.

Some nights, when Simon knew most clan members were out, he would sing too. Raphael was almost always home, though, and he was always there to listen to Simon sing. The older vampire had nothing but praise for his songs, but he’d rather die again to ever admit that out loud. After all, he was the leader of the New York vampire clan now. And Simon was just a fledgling, a _baby_.

“Hey, Raphael,” Simon said one night. Raphael had been writing a letter to the leader of the Boston clan, but he put down his pen to glance up at the fledgling awkwardly standing in his doorway.

“What is it, Simon?” He asked tiredly.

“I - uh. Just wanted to let you know I’m going out tonight. With Clary and Maureen, like we used to.”

“Okay.”

“I don’t suppose - you wanna tag along?”

Raphael smiled.

“No, I’m fine. Thanks for the offer, though.”

Simon beamed at that and Raphael almost asked him to stay, just so he could look at that smile every once in a while when he got bored of being politically correct to a leader of a clan he just wanted to punch in the face. But before his mouth could form any words, Simon waved goodbye and disappeared.

**~~**

It was eerily quiet in the hotel without Simon’s usual tockling or singing, and Raphael found himself longing for Simon to return so he could fill the silence. He would even listen to his babbling if it meant it wouldn’t have to be so damn _quiet_.

Raphael used to like the silence. It was the only time he could really think, could relax. But he’d grown used to the constant noise Simon brought with him and on the rare occassion that he actually went out, Raphael missed it.

He didn’t know why he did it, but several hours after Simon had left he walked into his room, straight to the guitar standing in a corner.

Raphael had never actually played the guitar. He’d always wanted to learn, but he’d never found the time to pick it up. Nevertheless, he still sat down on Simon’s bed and pulled the guitar onto his knee.

He gently patted the strings and tried to mimic the movements he’d seen Simon do before, moving his fingers to adjust the sounds and carressing the strings with his thumb. He did it for a while, not really making music but just making sound, until a voice from behind him startled him.

“You know - I could just teach you if you asked.”

Raphael hadn’t heard Simon coming, too focused on the sound of the guitar he was playing. So when he spoke, Raphael jumped and accidentally snapped the strings with his long fingernails.

“Oh, sh- I swear that was an accident!” He quickly apologized, fearing Simon might think he’d done it on purpose.

Simon looked at the snapped strings and then at Raphael’s mortified face. Then he laughed.

“It’s okay, Raph! I can just buy some new strings, don’t worry about it.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, of course! But what were you doing with my guitar in the first place?”

If Raphael could still blush, his face would be bright red right about now.

“I - uh… I missed the sound,” he confessed sheepishly.

Simon squinted.

“That’s something uncharacteristically nice for you to say. Who are you and what did you do to Raphael?”

The older vampire rolled his eyes at the fledgling and gently put the guitar on the bed as he stood.

“Shut up, _idiota_.”

“Aha, there’s the Raphael I know and love!” Simon cheered. Raphael nudged him in the shoulder as he passed him.

“When are we starting practice?” He shouted after him before Raphael could duck back into his room.

When he turned to look at Simon with a confused frown, it was Simon’s turn to roll his eyes.

“The guitar lessons, you ass.”

“Oh.” Then Raphael grinned.

“As soon a you have new strings.”

“Oh, don’t think you’re not paying for them!” Simon boomed, but Raphael had  already disappeared into his room.

He snuck out the next day as soon as the sun set and bought Simon a new pack of strings. They started guitar lessons that same night.


	5. Boo!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simon makes it a game to try and scare Raphael, until Raphael gets him back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for mild sexual content and implied sex.

Life at the DuMort was pretty boring. Most vamps spent their nights staring at the wall or talking about things that happened way before Simon was even born or just being overall _boring_ , except for the few younger vampires who still enjoyed going to clubs. Unfortunately, since they didn’t really like Simon, they never invited him to tag along.

So yeah, Simon didn’t really have much to do at his new vampire residence. He wouldn’t have minded that much if he was allowed to go out, but Raphael had stricly instructed him to stay close to him and not go out for longer than a few hours each night. He even called him every night to remind him sunrise was in an hour.

Simon got the idea to try and scare Raphael as often as possible on accident. It all started when he wanted to ask him something about vampire lore and walked up to him when he was in the lounge.

“Raphael?” Simon asked, and he was surprised when the vampire in front of him jumped.

“ _Dios,_ fledgling, don’t sneak up to me like that!” He complained once he turned around.

“Wait, you’re telling me I _scared_ you?” Simon asked.

“Don’t flatter yourself,” Raphael said cooly. “I was just not paying attention for one second.”

Simon grinned widely.

“Yeah, and I scared you!”

“Momentarily caught me off guard,” Raphael corrected. He didn’t look pleased with this development.

“I still made you jump.”

“Trust me when I say that won’t happen again.” Then the older vampire stood, patted Simon’s cheek and walked away.

Simon didn’t get the chance to ask about garlic bread, but he found a way more interesting way to keep himself occupied.

**~~**

Scaring Raphael was harder than he thought. The older vampire could barely get caught off guard, especially now that he’d allowed Simon to scare him once. It forced Simon to practise on his vampire powers more so that he could dart around the DuMort without making a sound and could stop breathing without feeling the urge to gasp for unneeded air after a few minutes.

His few first attempts to scare Raphael failed miserably. Sneaking up didn’t work anymore because Raphael made sure to glance over his shoulder every once in a while like the paranoid loser he was, and waiting for him to round a corner usually ended with Raphael giving him an unimpressed look as Simon jumped out to him.

Simon was running out of ideas until Raphael knocked on the door of his room a few nights later.

“Come in.”

Raphael peeked his head around the corner and Simon sat up straight in bed.

“What’s up, Raph?”

“It’s still Raphael for you, Simon.”

Simon rolled his eyes at Raphael and waited for him to say something else.

“I just wanted to come by and say I’ll be out tonight. Some others and I are going hunting. I don’t suppose you want to come with?”

Simon made a face.

“I’ll pass,” he decided. He didn’t think he could already control himself enough to drink straight out of a neck belonging to a real actual person, though he had been getting better at his new powers lately.

Raphael nodded.

“Okay. I’ll be back in a few hours, don’t forget to feed, okay?”

“I won’t. Have fun or whatever you say to vamps on the hunt.”

“I’ll come by once I’m back. Don’t do anything stupid while I’m gone.”

“Damn it, I was about to challenge some werewolves to a fight to the death. Guess we’ll have to cancel our meeting, then,” Simon joked. To his surprise, Raphael even shot him a small smile in return. Then he disappeared again and closed the door behind him.

Simon waited for the hunting party to leave, then made his way to the kitchen to feed. After he’d done that, he got an idea to scare Raphael. He made his way to his room, snuck in and walked straight to his wardrobe, carefully getting in and hiding behind some of the neatly hung jackets.

He waited for Raphael to return there, practising on popping out and retracting his fangs until he could hear the vampires come back.

He stilled perfectly once he could hear Raphael’s voice, made sure he stopped breathing and didn’t make a sound. He listened closely for his soft footsteps to near his room. Raphael opened the door to his room, shrugged off his jacket and walked over to his wardrobe.

“Boo!” Simon yelled once Raphael opened the door to his closet, popping his head through the jackets. Raphael dropped his jacket and cursed loudly in Spanish, clutching his chest where his heart used to beat.

“ _Santa Maria,_ Simon!” He hissed, grabbing Simon by the collar to pull him out. He threw him on the floor and pressed his knee to his chest.

“What are you _doing_?! _”_

“Scaring you,” Simon said proudly, ignoring Raphael’s knee pressing harder.

“Why?!”

“Because you’re really hard to scare and I wanted to challenge myself.”

Raphael got off Simon with a growl.

“You should be happy I didn’t rip your head off! Don’t _ever_  do that again, or you’ll wish you’d never clawed your way out of your grave.”

“Okay, okay,” Simon said as he got back on his feet. “Jeez, you’re so dramatic.”

Raphael just glared at him until Simon slowly backed away out of his room.

**~~**

It was dark in Simon’s room the next night, which was weird because he usually left his lights on when he left it to feed. Simon flicked the lights on again and turned around to his bed.

“Holy fucking shit!” He screamed, dropping the stack of movies he’d been holding in his arms. Raphael was lying on his bed, eyes wide open and staring into nothingness, blood dripping from his mouth, ears and eyes.

“Raph? Raphael?” Simon asked, running over to his bed to sit next to Raphael’s still body. He cupped his face and turned it to the side, but Raphael’s eyes looked glazed over and lifeless. 

“Hey, come on! Raphael? Raphael, wake up!” He softly patted Raphael’s cheek and nudged his shoulder. The older vampire didn’t react.

“Oh, fuck. Oh shit shit shit shit shit. Who did this to you? What do I do now? Shit, Raph, please wake up!”

Simon nudged his shoulder again, staring into his eyes to try to detect a sign that he was still alive.

Right when he wanted to stand up and get Stan, Raphael shot up and exposed his fangs to Simon with a loud hiss.

The fledgling screamed very unmanly and fell off the bed, hitting his back hard against his floor.

“What the-” Simon started, but then Raphael’s head peeked over the edge of his bed with a huge smile on his face.

“Got you,” he smirked.

“Are you fucking kidding me!” Simon yelped. He got onto his feet and flung himself to Raphael, pushing him into the mattress.

“I thought you were d _ead_!”

“Vampires don’t die like that, _idiota_. They just turn into dust,” he giggled. An actual, happy, real giggle. It was so rare that it completely caught Simon off guard. It gave Raphael the opportunity to flip them around so Simon was pinned underneath him now.

“That’s what you get when you try to scare me.”

“But - what about the blood?”

Raphael wiped some blood from the corner of his mouth to smear it onto Simon’s lip.

“It’s Mundane blood. Im not even surprised you didn’t smell it, considering you haven’t been practising your enhanced senses.”

“I have! I was just too busy thinking you were dead to worry about the blood!”

Raphael laughed again, too proud of himself to bother with the brooding façade.

“You’re cute when you think I’m dead.”

“Yeah, well. The next time you’re in my bed, you better not be pretending to be dead.”

Raphael raised an interested eyebrow.

“I’m not pretending right now,” he said. “And I have a whole lot of blood you can lick off.”

“W- wh- I-” Simon stuttered, but then Raphael brought his face closer and tilted his head so Simon could see the fresh blood trickling over Raphael’s sharp jaw.

When Simon stuck out his tongue to lick it off and eventually found his way to the blood on Raphael’s chin and then his lips, they quickly forgot the scaring game and focused on another game instead _._


	6. Wanna dance?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simon convinces Raphael to pretend to be his boyfriend at his high school reunion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: forever writes pining!Raphael

“You want me to do _what_?” Raphael hadn’t really been listening to Simon’s rant, like he never did. But when he hears the words _accompany_ and _fake_   _boyfriend_ , his attention is immediately drawn back to the fledgling in front of him.

Simon groans in frustration and shows Raphael the letter he’d been holding the whole time.

“There’s a highschool reunion this weekend and I can’t show up alone. Please?”

“Why dont you ask Clary as your fake date?” Raphael asks, even though it pains him just speaking her name around Simon. The fledgling seems to have finally gotten over Clary and now he’s purposely pushing him back into her arms because he’s too insecure about Simon to act on his feelings for him.“Because she’s already taking Izzy as her date. As in, her _real_  date. Nothing fake about it. Which woud leave me as the third wheel. Again.”

Raphael tries to detect jealousy in his voice, but all he finds is panic.

“Ask one of the others,” he dismisses while every fiber in his body is _screaming_  for him to accept Simon’s invitation.

“Raphael, come _on_. You’re my mentor, you have to make sure I don’t lose control and kill all my friends.”

“Then just don’t go.”

Simon makes an offended noise in the back of his throat. Raphael briefly wonders what other sounds the fledgling could produce, but quickly tries to forget that thought and where it will inevitably lead to.

“But I’m finally _hot_! I want to see everyone’s faces when they see me walk in, all pale and hot and not looking a day older than eighteen. And,” he adds, letting his eyes travel over Raphael’s body like he does sometimes, “taking my attractive vampire mentor as my fake boyfriend is a bonus too. Imagine everyone’s _reaction_!” He mimics startled looks and big eyes.

Raphael wants to say: _You’ve always been hot_. Instead he mutters: “Fine. But I’m not showing up next to you if you’re gonna wear your stupid Lord of The Stars shirt or whatever.”

“Okay, firstly. It’s either Lord of The Rings or Star Wars. Secondly,” he grins and Raphael wants to disappear into the wall or whimper or kiss that stupid expression off his stupid face, “I’ll just borrow one of your suits again.”

**~~**

“Again.”

Raphael sighs dramatically and Simon gives him an unimpressed look.

“You know, for an undead creature who doesn’t need to breathe, you sure do sigh a lot.”

“You know, for an annoying new fledgling who doesn’t need to breathe, you sure do waste a lot of air talking,” the older vampire shoots back.

Simon swats at him with the rolled up paper he’s holding.

“ _Again,”_ he insists.

“ _Dios_ , okay. I wish you’d be this bossy more often. It’s kinda attractive.”

Simon just glares at him. Raphael takes that as a small victory, considering Simon used to stutter and blush when Raphael flirted with him and quickly got away from him. Now, the fledgling would occassionally even flirt back.

“If someone approaches you tomorrow, what do you do?”

“I politely shake their hand and make eye contact. Simon, I know how to behave around Mundanes.”

“Just making sure. What do you say when they make a comment about your cold hands?”

“Bad blood circulation.”

“Good. Now, what do you do for a living?”

Raphael shoots him a grin.

“I run a blood bank.”

“Raphael!”

“Jesus, okay! You’re no fun today. I work at a bank. An ordinary, human, boring bank.”

“Yes, you do. How old are you?”

“Twenty three.”

“How did we meet?”

“I-”

“If you say ‘I kidnapped you’ I swear I’m gonna kill you.”

Raphael chuckles and continues: “We met through mutual friends, exchanged numbers and started going out together.”

“Very good. I think we have a pretty good chance at succeeding, as long as you stick to your lines and don’t go improvising.”

“ _Dios_ , Simon. You’re so tense today. Normally it’s the other way around.”

“You must’ve rubbed off on me.”

 _If only he could rub off more than his attitude_ , Raphael thinks. But he just stands and ruffles through Simon’s messy hair before leaving his room.

“Get up early tomorrow so we can fix you up and make you look like someone I’d actually go to a party with,” he says over his shoulder before closing the door.

If Simon makes a snarky comment about him, he doesn’t hear it anymore.

**~~**

“Did you feed enough today?” Raphael asks the next night. He’s sprawled across a couch in his room, waiting for Simon to get out of his walk in closet wearing the suit he instructed him to put on.

“Yeah, I should be fine tonight. Besides, I control my bloodlust pretty well now, right?”

“I guess. I just don’t want to take any risks.”

Simon pokes his head through the door to Raphael’s closet.

“Would it really kill you to give a compliment every once in a while?”

Raphael smiles sweetly at him.

“Yes, it would.”

Simon just sighs and steps into the room, waiting for Raphael to comment on his appearance.

The older vampire sits up straight on the couch, his eyes glued to Simon’s body. It’s not an extraordinary suit, just plain black, but Simon makes it look like it belongs on the catwalk in Milan instead of in a vampire hotel. The black button-up shirt Simon is wearing underneath the suit jacket is in great contrast with his pale skin, making him look like he’s glowing from the inside out.

“Well?” Simon asks when Raphael doesn’t say anything. He pulls at his sleeves nervously.

“Shit, Simon,” Raphael breathes, still in awe. He doesn’t know if he wants to see Simon in that suit for the rest of internity or wants to rip it off his body as fast as possible, leaving it at the side of his bed as he takes Simon apart in it.

“What? That bad?”

“Bad?” Raphael’s eyes shoot to Simon’s. The fledgling looks insecure, like he wants to disappear into the closet again. Raphael wants to grab his face and kiss the worry away.

“No, you look... you look _amazing_.”

Simon’s insecure look is replaced by a wide, surprised smile.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Shit, you’re gonna have to keep all the single girls at that reunion away from you like flies.”

“Cool, never had to do that before!”

Raphael doesn’t believe that. To him, Simon had always been one of the most attractive men he’d ever seen. If they’d been human at the same time, preferably not in the homophobic 50s he grew up in... Raphael pushes the thought away. They may not have been human together, but they’re vampires together now. And Raphael has iternity to enjoy Simon’s looks.

He has to fix Simon’s tie, as the fledgling doesn’t know how to tie one to save a life, and adjusts his collar over it. Then he pats his shoulder.

“There, all ready to face your highschool friends again.”

“Are you?”

“All my highschool friends are either really old or really dead.”

Simon nudges him in the ribs.

“That’s not what I meant, ass. I mean, are _you_  ready to face so many Mundanes?”

Raphael shrugs.

“Mundanes mean nothing to me. I have perfect control over my bloodlust and I know how to act around them, so I’ll be just fine.”

“Cool. Let’s go, then.”

“Yeah, let’s.”

**~~**

The reunion takes place in a gym. Sadly, Raphael can’t say he's surprised. Mundanes just don’t have any taste for class, as the ice sculpture of a moose proves. Simon says it’s their mascotte. Raphael couldn’t care less.

When they walk into the room, Simon laces his fingers with Raphael’s. Raphael tries to wipe the stupid grin spreading across his face away before anyone can see.

They meet up with Clary and Isabelle, who are talking at the buffet. They both look stunning and Raphael feels an unpleasant pang of jealousy spread through his gut. These are the two girls Simon had had a crush on, and they both look like professional models. He must’ve unintentionally squeezed Simon’s hand, because the fledgling looks at him and then gives a reassuing squeeze back. He probably thinks Raphael is struggling with the Mundanes. Raphael isn’t going to tell him he’s actually just _jealous_.

“Hey, Simon,” Isabelle says cheerfully. She hugs him as best as she can with Raphael still holding his hand, and then greets Raphael with a polite nod. Though there’s currently a truce between the vampires and the Shadowhunters, they’re still not particularly fond of each otther. Except Simon, of course.

Clary hugs Simon too and eventually also smiles at Raphael, which isn’t what he was expecting. Then her eyes travel to their intertwined fingers.

“Simon, is there something you have to tell us?”

“Wh - oh! No, Raphael is just...” he looks around to make sure nobody else can hear, “pretending to be my boyfriend so I look even better and as if I’ve actually achieved something in my life.”

Isabelle looks at Raphael again, a slight frown tugging at her eyebrows.

“So you’re degraded to just arm candy?” She asks.

Raphael almost hisses and exposes his fangs, but Simon holds him back just in time.

“Hey, Izzy. If you can’t be nice to my boyfriend of the evening, we can just go talk to others. Let’s go, Raph. See you later, girls.”

Then he pulls Raphael across the room, where there are no people to disturb them. 

“Why did you just do that?” Raphael asks confused.

“Do what?”

“Walk away from Clary?”

Simon shrugs, readjusts his tie. He actually makes it worse and Raphael wants to reach out to fix it, but instead focuses his gaze back on Simon’s eyes.

“They were being mean to you. Hey, Raphael? You know you’re not just arm candy, right? I asked you because I wanted to.”

“And not because my pretty face would leave an impression with the people who didn’t even know you existed in high school?” He asks teasingly. If Simon could still blush, Raphael is sure his cheeks would be red now. Instead, he just imagines the adorable flush on his face.

“Okay, that too. But only a little!”

“Simon, it’s fine. I get it.”

The fledgling smiles gratefully at him, and Raphael swears he could feel his dead heart flutter in his chest.

A couple of people find their way to their corner in the room, almost not recognizing Simon because he changed so much. They ask the most ridiculous questions, such as: “Hey what happened to your glasses?” To which Simon would dryly reply: “I don’t know, they just got up and left one day. Didn’t even leave a note.” And if he’d gotten a personal trainer or something because he looks way less lanky and more toned than they remember. Simon subtly nudges Raphael at that, bending forward to whisper in his ear so the others can’t hear.

“Thanks for the hot bod, personal trainer.” His breath tickles Raphael’s ear and he really needs to put all his strength in just standing perfectly still, only a small smile on his lips to show he’s listening.

Raphael presses his own lips to Simon’s ear to reply: “You’re welcome.”

When more and more people start gathering around the couple, appreciating both their looks and even flirting here and there despite the fact that Raphael and Simon are still holding hands, Raphael notices that Simon is struggling. His hands are slightly shaking and he’s swallowing too often. Signs of hunger.

“Hey,” Raphael says, and the group of people looks surprised at his voice. He hasn’t said anything all night, mostly just letting Simon talk and standing there looking handsome for him. Even Simon is surprised to hear him speak out loud and looks at him.

“Wanna dance?”

“Yes,” Simon replies gratefully. He lets himself be pulled through the group and Raphael finds them a spot on the dance floor, away from most people.

“I thought I told you not to improvise,” Simon jokes. His eyes are still too dark and his smile still too tight.

Raphael shrugs, drapes Simon’s arms over his shoulders as he snakes his own arms around his waist.

“What can I say? I don’t like being told what to do.”

“I thought you found me being bossy attractive?”

“I always think you’re attractive.”

“Shut up,” Simon dismisss, but the smile is easier now, less up tight.

“See? That was really hot. Do it again.”

“Raphael, I swear if you don’t shut up.”

“What are you gonna do? Come on, Simon, I’m curious now.” He teasingly lets his hand drop lower until it’s on Simon’s butt. He presses him closer until they’re touching from chest to knees.

“I’ll - uh,” Simon stutters. Raphael can feel him breathe unevenly against him and when he opens his mouth again to talk, his fangs are out. Simon still hasn’t mastered that part of vampire puberty.

“Simon, your fangs,” he whispers.

“Retract them.”

“I can’t,” SImon hisses around them.

“I don’t know how to.”

Raphael bites his lip and looks around to see if anyone has noticed something. There are people looking at them, but they’re too far to have noticed the fangs. They’re probably just staring because they don’t get to see two attractive guys pressed up to each other every day and are enjoying the view.

Well, let’s give them something to stare at.

Raphael turns his head back to Simon and firlmy presses his lips against his.

Simon gasps into the kiss and almost pulls back, but then the initial surprise fades and he presses into the kiss more. Raphael is careful when he tilts his head to deepen it, making sure he doesn’t touch Simon’s fangs with his tongue or lips.

“Raph, this really isn’t helping _at_ all,” Simon whimpers. His fangs are no longer the only thing betraying his arousal.

“I know, but now at least we have an excuse to leave.”

“Wa -wh?” But Raphael is already taking Simon’s hand to lead him to the exit and into the men’s restroom.

There are only a few things that will make fangs retract if you can’t control them yet; blood or sex.

Since Raphael can’t give him the former, he’ll gladly settle with the latter.

**~~**

When they appear into the gym again half an hour later, ignoring the stares and whispers following them as they make their way to Clary, the redhead pulls Simon aside and asks: “Simon, where you have been? You missed the slideshow of pictures of senior year!”

And when Simon grins brightly and replies: “I was doing stuff.” Raphael has to fight the urge to give in to youth culture and reply: ”I’m stuff.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (don't hate me for those few last lines they're so cheesy)


	7. I think I'm in love with you and I'm terrified.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When his mouth formed the words: “Simon betrayed us.” His eyes said: “Simon betrayed me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not really happy with this fic but I'm posting it anyway because I'm too tired to change it. Hope you still somewhat enjoy it!

It’s After.

After Jocelyn woke up, after Jace went with Valentine, after he freed Camille, after he betrayed the clan.

No.

After he betrayed _Raphael_.

Because that’s what he did. He’d even seen in it in his mentor’s eyes. When his mouth formed the words: “Simon betrayed us.” His eyes said: “Simon betrayed _me_.”

It hurts to think about Before. Before the betrayal, before Raphael finally looked at him like he was a monster. Because before, Simon could’ve thought they were growing to be something more. Raphael softened around him, even let his guard down. He trusted him.

Simon lies awake during the day, remembering all those times Raphael held him until he woke up from a nightmare and long after that. They never once mentioned it when they were both awake and the dreams couldn’t hurt them, but Raphael was by his side every day, chasing away the darkness hiding in the sunlight. And Simon was there for him too, reminding him to feed and massaging his tight muscles, listening to his stories when Raphael was desperate for someone to hear them. And on rare occassions, when there was nobody else around, Raphael would even laugh at one of Simon’s jokes.

Now, as he’s in an unfamiliar bed without Raphael’s familiar form next to him, Simon tries to remember the sound, the way his eyes wrinkled around the corners.

He doesn’t sleep much at the Institute. He moved there after Raphael threatened to kill him, more for Clary than for himself. Between Jace leaving with Valentine and the lingering threat of her father showing up again to take her too, she needs him now more than ever. And Simon doesn’t really have any other place to go, so he just stays there.

To be honest, if he would have a choice, he’d rather have his former clan members tear his limbs off his body than to stay here. At least the vampires don’t try to hide their newfound hate for him, whereas the Shadowhunters look at him with barely hidden disgust in their gaze. They’re supposd to be his protectors, bound by an oath to fight demons and protect others, but Simon knows they don’t trust or like him.

Shadowhunters are just a supernatural equivalent of police officers who swore to protect civilians and then turned around to shoot the innocent black man.

So if he sleeps at all, it’s with one eye open and a weapon under his pillow, just in case one of them decides they’ve had enough and try to stake him through the heart.

One night, as he’s staring at the wall in his room trying to surpress his hunger (suprisingly, they don’t have blood in the fridge here like they did in the Dumort. Simon has to get his blood from Clary, who goes to threaten Raphael once a week to give her blood supplies), he feels a tug in his mind, a sharp pain in his gut.

Simon sits up and clutches at his stomach, slowly taking in a breath in the hopes of it fading away. When it doesn’t, he jumps up in panic and janks open the door to his small bedroom.

He quickly makes his way to Clary’s room, ignoring frowns and glares as he walks around the Institute. The tugging in his mind almost feels like the stress headaches he used to get. The pain in his stomach isn’t subsiding either, no matter how hard he concentrates on calming his breath.

He knocks once before almost falling into Clary’s room, groaning when he steps forward to stop himself from falling over.

“Simon?” Clary is immediately on her feet and reaching out for her friend.

“What’s wrong?”

“I - I don’t know,” he stutters. His vision is starting to blur.

“Are you hungry?”

Simon shakes his head, lets Clary lead him to her bed.

“No, th- this isn’t hunger.”

“Then what is it, Simon?”

He searches for her eyes. In them, she reflects the panic he’s feeling.

“It feels like I’m dying,” he whispers.

“I’ll go get Magnus.” Her voice changes in the blink of an eye, going from panicked to calculated. She knows what she has to do and she does it; emotions will come later. Simon isn’t the only one who’s been training.

She disappears into the hallway and leaves Simon in her room. He tries to relax because, logically speaking, he _knows_  he can’t be dying. He hadn’t been in contact with direct sunlight, didn’t touch anything holy and certainly hadn’t been staked through the heart lately.

But then he remembers something Raphael had said to him in his early days as a fledgling. Something about a bond within the clan, about all vampires in it being connected with each other.

So maybe he feels like he’s dying… because someone of his clan is.

But that doesn’t seem to make sense. He hadn’t really been connected to any of his clan members enough to feel their death so clearly, so painfully.

Except… except to Raphael.

Simon is darting out of the room before he even realizes it, running past Shadowhunters and through the doors of the Institute so fast the world becomes a blur around him.

He doesn’t even know how he’s supposed to find him. He just follows the tug in his mind, which seems to lead the way for him. Whenever he wants to make a wrong turn, it’s almost as if his head autmatically jerks the other way.

Simon didn’t even realize it started raining until he stops running. His hair and shirt get soaked immediately, but he doesn’t mind. It’s not like he can feel the cold anyway. The tugging in his mind is almost unbearable now and Simon thinks he’s going to go insane if he doesn’t find Raphael soon.

Thankfully, it doesn’t take long for him to finally do.

He’s lying on his side in the dirt, eyes closed and still like a statue. Simon slowly approaches him. He knows he isn’t dead yet because he can still feel the burning pain in his stomach, but it’s fastly fading. Which means he doesn’t have much time left.

“Raphael?” Simon asks softly as he sinks to his knees next to him. The older vampire doesn’t reply.

Simon carefully nudges his shoulder and eventually just pushes Raphael onto his back.

It’s then he sees how injured he is.

Raphael’s grey shirt is soaked with his blood, ripped at his arms as if someone wanted to tear off the sleeves. He has scratches and bitemarks over his entire body, dark blood seeping from the wounds.

Simon doesn’t bother checking for other injuries - he knows the visibe ones are enough to kill him if he doesn’t get help.

So he hauls him into his arms and runs.

Once, Raphael carried Simon’s lifeless body to the Institute. Now, it’s time to return the favor.

**~~**

It takes Magnus two hours to fix Raphael. By the time he’s finally done, Alec has to support him as he walks out of Simon’s room.

“How is he?” Simon asks. Hes been pacing around the entire time, nervously biting his nails just like he used to when he was still human.

Magnus looks exhausted and drained, barely able to stand without Alec’s support.

“He’ll live. It was a close call, though. How did you even find him?”

Simon shrugs.

“I don’t know. I just… felt him.”

Magnus looks at him long enough for Simon to become anxious before turning away.

“He wants to see you,” he says over his shoulder before disappearing around a corner, Alec still supporting him as they go.

It takes Simon five minutes of pepping himself up before carefully entering the room, making sure he peeks around the door first to check if Raphael isn’t waiting to kill him on the spot.

But his former mentor is lying in bed - _his_ bed - eyes closed and a bandage wrapped tightly around his chest.

Simon thinks he may be sleeping and is ready to turn around and leave, when Raphael opens one eye and looks at him.

“Come in, Simon,” he croaks.

Simon sheepishly shuffles over and pulls out a chair to sit next to his bed. He doesn’t know what to say, so he just waits for Raphael to speak first.

When that doesn’t happen, he clears his throat and says: “I never meant to betray you, Raphael.”

Raphael closes his eyes again, but not before simon can see the hurt flashing over his face.

“But you did.”

“I didn’t have a choice.”

“You always have a choice. You just chose those Shadowhunters over your own kind.”

“I chose to save someone I love.”

Raphael looks at him. There’s no hate in his eyes, not even anger. Simon can almost hear what he wants to say. _I loved you too_.

But the words remain unsaid, and their relationship remains unfixed.

“What - what happened out there?” Simon eventually asks, when the silence becomes uneasy and Raphael’s eyes leave his face.

“The clan, that’s what happened.”

“Wait - _what_?”

“You heard me. Camille came back and reclaimed her leadership. I was overthrown.”

“But - but your clan followed you -”

“The clan will follow anyone who leads them. They only wanted Camille gone because they thought she broke the Accords, but then she was released of her crimes because she got you to sign a contract. It didn’t take long for them to crawl back to her.”

“You mean _I’m_  the reason this happened to you?”

Raphael’s expression hardens. Simon has to fight the urge to look away from his dark eyes.

“You’re the reason a lot of things happened to me lately.”

“Raph, I’m so sor-”

“Enough. Spare me your apologies and leave.”

“But-”

“Now.”

“Raphael, _please_ …”

“Leave!”

“I can’t!”

Raphael looks surprised at that.

“Why?” He questions.

“Because - because I think I’m in love with you and I’m _terrified_.”

If Raphael looked surprised before, he looks absolutely _shocked_ now.

“Why?” He asks again, softer now.

“Are you really asking me why I’m in love with you because I’ll gladly get you a mirror and -”

“No, _idiota_. I’m asking why you’re terrified.”

“In case you haven’t noticed, Raphael. We’re in the middle of war and we’re both on opposite sides.”

“You’re on the wrrong side,” Raphael mumbles. He doesn’t dare look at Simon as he says it.

“I’m on the side that wants to defeat Valentine. Which side are you on?”

“I’m on the side that’s best for my clan.”

“Even after they threw you on the streets and left you to die?”

“That would’ve never happened if you hadn’t released Camille.”

“I did it because it may be the only way to defeat Valentine.”

“You give all these reasons why you did it, and I’m yet to hear a genuine apology.”

“Look, I truly am sorry for betraying you, Raphael. I never wanted to hurt you. But if you want me to apologize for releasing Camillle - I can’t, okay? I did what I had to do and I would do it again.”

Raphael falls silent after that, turning on his side so he doesn’t have to look at Simon anymore.

Simon takes that as his cue to leave and heads for the door. Just before he wants to leave his room, Raphael calls his name.

He’s looking at Simon again.

“I think I might be in love with you too,” he whispers.

It’s not a promise and it isn’t a solid declaration of undying love, but Simon will gladly take it.

Then he remembers the war building between their two worlds, the sides they’re on and how much he hurt Raphael by choosing Clary over him.

“Maybe someday,” he says eventually.

“Yeah. Maybe someday,” Raphael agrees.


	8. Well... this is awkward.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simon is in love with Raphael. Question is: does Raphael feel the same way?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heads up for homophobia, but nothing too bad or explicit

**_Simon’s POV_ **

Simon thought he’d been in love before. With Clary, of course, and when he was younger with his teacher and when he was barely three he may have been in love with Dora the Explorer. So he thought he had a pretty good idea about what it was like to be in love, wanting to spend every moment with them, wanting to pull them to your chest and never let go.

But that was before he met Raphael.

It doesn’t happen all at once. He doesn’t just wake up one day and realize he’s in love with him. It creeps up on his more slowly, more stealthily. At first he starts looking forward to spending time with Raphael, even if Raphael doesn’t seem to feel the same way about it. Soon, Simon is finding excuses to hang out with him – training, missing his Mundane life and bribing him into watching movies with him, just sitting next to him when Raphael is reading a book. Then he catches himself checking him out, letting his eyes wander over his body when Raphael isn’t watching, mentally commenting on the way his jacket fits around his shoulders or about the tiny curl that escaped out of the grip of his hair gel.

And then he starts wondering what it would feel like to kiss him. Raphael seems to have very soft lips and Simon finds himself longing to feel them against his own more and more. How would Raphael’s hands feel on his hips, what would he sound like when he breathed Simon’s name, how would it be to hold his hand in public or kiss his forehead for everyone to see.

He starts flirting with him too – or at least attempts to. He tries to see how much he can casually touch him before Raphael notices and gets uncomfortable, tries cheesy pick-up lines like ‘are those your fangs or are you just happy to see me?’ And though they never work, it does crack a smile with Raphael every time.

Another thing Simon notices is how he seems to feel everything more clearly now. His emotions used to be numb right after he Turned, a shadow of how they were when he was still human. But when he admits his crush on Raphael to himself, he starts feeling everything a lot more again. He feels extremely happy and light-headed when he’s with him, can barely eat (well, _drink_ ) when he thinks about him, feels like crying for days when his mind convinces him Raphael can’t possibly like him back.

Despite his doubts, his paranoid brain telling him Raphael doesn’t like him back like that, Simon still somehow thinks he actually does. Maybe it’s the way Raphael’s expression softens around him or how the other clan members won’t dare to talk to Raphael like Simon does (like they’re old bros instead of vampire mentor and fledgling) or how Raphael would sometimes compliment him or even touch his hand when Simon’s lucky.

So yeah, maybe this time he won’t be met with rejection from someone he has a crush on.

At least, that’s what he thought.

And then he walks in on Raphael kissing someone else.

 

**_Raphael’s POV_ **

Vampire politics are a pain in the ass. And _not_ the good kind.

Raphael spends most of his days writing formal letters to leaders of other clans, going to meetings and doing other boring stuff that are now his responsibilities.

He isn’t complaining though. Not really. Camille had been a way worse leader for the clan, doing whatever the hell she wanted without taking others in consideration. At least Raphael knows it takes way more to be a leader than good speeches and a convincing façade.

And of course personal visits are part of the deal too.

He just wishes he could meet with _literally anyone else_ than Laura Booth.

Laura was Turned around the 20s somewhere in Texas, raised strictly Christian before getting bitten. While other Downworlders all learn to accept other sexualities in one way or another, Laura still seems to be stuck in her own lovely, homophobic era.

She also still believes homosexuality is something that can be cured, and of course she has taken it upon herself to try and cure Raphael.

But she’s still the leader of the Boston clan, which makes them colleagues and Raphael is forced to spend time with her.

“Raphael,” she purrs when she enters his chambers. She’s wearing a long, silk dress, a dramatic slit revealing one of her long legs. Though her fashion sense has evolved from ankle long skirts and blouses to more sexy clothes over the decades, her way of thinking has not.

“Hello, Laura,” Raphael sighs. He motions for her to sit down in one of his armchairs before moving to get her a drink.

When she takes the blood cocktail from him, her fingers linger on his.

Here we go.

“It’s been too long,” she continues when she’s taken a small sip.

“Way too long,” Raphael smiles, while he simultaneously thinks: _Not long enough_.

“I would love to catch up with your personal life, but unfortunately I’m here to talk business.”

“What a shame,” Raphael replies, having to suppress the urge to roll his eyes.

“Yes. So, there are rumors going around that Camille killed a Mundane…”

They talk for what feels like a lifetime, and yet nothing truly important is said. Raphael quickly disregards that rumor, saying the Mundane had actually been Turned. Laura wants to see him and Raphael tries to distract her from that idea, but she keeps coming back to it.

“Seriously, Raphael, my love. What is the fledgling’s name? I must meet him before I leave.”

“He’s busy today, with training and such. I don’t think he has the time to meet you.”

Laura raises a thin eyebrow.

“Well, then he will make time. What is his name?” She insists, enunciating every word perfectly.

Raphael sighs internally.

“His name is Simon.”

Laura’s other eyebrow follow and they both almost disappear into her hairline as she cocks a bow.

“Your voice changed when you said his name,” she notices.

“Did it?”

“Yes. It was almost… fondness, I heard. Do you – like the boy?”

Raphael shrugs casually, but internally he’s screaming at her to leave.

“He’s okay. He’s young and loud and annoying, mostly.”

“Mhh, interesting. All the things you’re describing are negative, and yet your voice is not.”

Then she shakes her head and sighs.

“Raphael, Raphael, Raphael. Have you still not learned? Men should not be with men. It is not natural.”

“Neither is being a vampire, and yet here we are.”

Laura laughs, a high-pitched, horrible sound.

“You make a valid point, my dear. But -” Just as she wants to explain her reasoning, she falls silent and tilts her head. Raphael mimics the motion and hears it too – footsteps coming their way. Of course he immediately recognizes the loud thumping of a fledgling.

Laura recognizes it too, grinning almost hungrily as she gazes back at Raphael.

She’s up and into his lap before he can blink, pressing her cold lips to his.

The door opens and then there’s a soft gasp. Simon is standing there, frozen on the spot, his mouth forming a perfect ‘o’.

“Well, this is awkward,” he says. He sounds like he’s choking. Then he turns around and speeds out of the room.

Raphael pushes Laura off, all but throws her through the room.

“Leave,” Raphael hisses. Laura is already back on her feet and readjusting her dress.

“That’s not very friendly of you.”

“You have outstayed your welcome here. From now on, I’ll be corresponding with your second in command.”

“But-”

“Enough, Laura. You have behaved very unprofessionally. I will get into contact with Jared as soon as I can. Be sure to give him the message. Now leave, before I force you to.”

Laura huffs, smooths out the silk of her dress before turning around on her high heels.

“You will regret this, Raphael,” she says over her shoulder.

“Trust me. I won’t.”

Laura glares at him once more, and then she disappears.

 

**_Simon’s POV_ **

It feels like he’s dying all over again.

He knows it’s ridiculous – he and Raphael hadn’t even been a _thing_. So there is no reason why Raphael wouldn’t be allowed to make out with other people.

But that doesn’t make him feel any better.

Though his heart isn’t beating anymore, it still feels like someone is repeatedly stabbing it with twenty sharp knives. His breath, which he doesn’t need anymore, is raging through his throat as he stumbles back to his room, planning on staying there till the end of times or until he dies – whichever comes first.

 _So this is what heartbreak feels like_ , Simon thinks to himself.

“Simon!” Someone calls out from behind him. Simon presses his eyes shut, finds a wall to support himself.

Out of all the vampires in the hotel, Raphael is by far the last one he wants to see.

Simon tries to pretend he didn’t hear him and continues to walk towards his room, but Raphael catches up with him before he can take five steps.

“Simon, please let me explain,” he begs as he grabs his arm.

“No, it’s fine!” Simon peeps. His voice sounds too small, too smothered. He clears his throat and tries again.

“You’re allowed to kiss people. I mean – of course you are! It’s none – none of my business anyway. So, yeah. Good talk. Now, can I go back to my room?”

Raphael looks at him, scans his face intently.

“It’s not what you think,” he says eventually.

“I’m not thinking anything! You can do whatever you want, Raphael, why – why should you have to explain anything to me? She’s – she’s really pretty too. Uh, good- good for you, man. Congratulations and stuff.” Simon tries to squirm away and considers just grabbing Raphael and throwing him across the hallway so he can escape, but he can’t find the strength to do so.

“No, Simon, you don’t understand. That was Laura -”

“Pretty name!” Simon tries to smile, even though he knows he’s grimacing.

“That’s not what I meant. Just _listen_ , please! Laura – she’s been trying to _cure_ me for decades.”

“Cure you?”

“Yeah.”

“From what? Are you sick? Was that kiss some kind of witch thing to suck the disease out of your body?”

“Well, maybe Laura thinks it is. Look, Simon…” Raphael takes a deep breath.

“I’m gay, okay? And Laura thinks she can ‘cure’ me by presenting herself to me. And when she heard you coming, and the way I talked about you – she figured I have a soft spot for you. She wanted to kiss the gay right out of me, as you would say.”

“You have a soft spot for me?” Simon blurts. Raphael avoids his eyes and if Simon didn’t know better, he’d say a barely visible blush is creeping up his face.

“Yeah, and quite a big one. I can’t believe you didn’t notice before. I even let you borrow my clothes!”

“I thought you were just being nice!”

“Me being nice normally means just ignoring you, Simon. That was me showing I’m into you.”

“Oh,” Simon says smartly. Then he smiles sheepishly.

“So – uh. Is this the part where you kiss me?”

“That depends,” Raphael says, stepping closer to him.

“Do you want me to kiss you?”

Simon swallows and looks at Raphael’s lips.

“I, uh… I’ve never kissed a boy before.”

Raphael snickers.

“I promise it’s better than kissing girls.”

“Mhh, I don’t know if I can believe you on your word. You better show me anyway.”

Raphael smiles, steps closer to Simon until his back is pressed against the wall. Then he looks down at Simon’s mouth, licks his lips and moves forward to press their lips together.

It’s a short kiss, sweet and promising. Before Raphael can pull back completely, Simon reels him back in to go for round two. The older vampire laughs into his mouth and pinches Simon’s sides where his hands are resting.

When he breaks their kiss for a second time, Simon lets his head rest against the wall behind him.

“That was pretty good,” he admits with a bright smile.

“Told you. So… does that mean I can take you out on a date now? We can even watch The Power Wakes Up if you want.”

Simon narrows his eyes and playfully punches him on the shoulder.

“Really, Raph? I feel like you aren’t even trying anymore.”

“Hey, I just told the leader of the Boston clan, who is our biggest ally, by the way, to fuck off for you. I think that classifies as ‘trying’, doesn’t it?”

“Well, aren’t you the romanticist,” Simon jokes. Raphael stretches his neck to take his lower lip between his teeth and pulls at it gently.

“Shut up and kiss me,” he says.

“Gladly,” Simon replies before he presses their lips together once more.


	9. The paint is supposed to go where?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raphael needs Simon to come to his old house because his mom wants to have some rooms repainted.

“I need a favor.”

Simon’s eyes snap open to look at the man lying next to him. Raphael’s hair is a Simon-inflicted mess and his lips are still swollen and bruised, slightly parted as he waits for Simon to reply.

“That’s not something you want to hear right after sex,” Simon jokes.

Raphael rolls his eyes at him and moves to gently bump his nose with Simon’s.

“I’m serious, Simon.”

“Fine. What’s the favor?”

“I need you to come see my mom with me.”

Simon’s stomach almost leaps into his throat. If he’d still been human, he’d probably break into a cold sweat right about now.

“Are you gonna – introduce me to her as your boyfriend?”

Raphael frowns at him.

“Do you want me to?”

“I mean… that’s what we are, right? Unless – you just needed a boy toy to play with and stuff? Because then this would be a really awkward conversation,” he says breathlessly. He almost can’t bear to stay and listen to Raphael’s reply, scared it won’t be what he wants.

Raphael’s eyes turn wide with shock and he reaches out to cup Simon’s cheek. Simon tries not to press into the touch before he gets an answer.

“Simon, you’re not my boy toy. I don’t _do_ boy toys, alright? I love you like I’ve never loved anyone in my entire existence and I’ll gladly introduce you as my boyfriend to my mother if that’s what you want. But that’s not why I need you to come with me.”

Simon turns his head to press a smile into the palm of Raphael’s hand, his insides suddenly feeling impossibly warm.

“Okay, good,” he says. “So why do you want me to come if it isn’t to introduce me as your other half? It’s not because your mom is homophobic and you don’t want to risk your bond with her over me, right? Because I’d totally understand if that were the case and you really don’t have to tell her I’m your boyfriend if she’s gonna react badly, I can just pretend I’m a fr-“

“For the love of God, _mi amor_ , shut up!” Raphael laughs. He firmly presses his lips to Simon’s to make him stop talking before continuing: “You really think my mother could accept me being a damned soul but not me liking boys?”

“You’re not a damned soul,” Simon murmurs against his lips. Raphael kisses him again.

“With you I’m not,” he whispers. Then, louder: “My mother is really accepting, I’m sure she’ll love you. But she’s also a 96 year old woman who got it into her head she wanted her house repainted and she asked me if I could help.”

Simon raises a teasing eyebrow at him: “What, you can’t paint a house by yourself? What happened to the brooding, moody, ‘let-me-handle-it-‘ vampire clan leader you were a few months ago?”

Raphael growls and pins Simon to the mattress. Simon just giggles.

“You made me a softie,” he accuses, but he says it with a smile.

“My greatest accomplishment. Seriously though, I’ll go paint your mother’s house with you if you want to.”

“Great.” Then Raphael looks over his shoulder to the window. Soft sunlight is barely visible through the thick curtains.

“We still have a few hours before sunset. Whatever could we do in that time?” He asks as he looks back down to his lover.

“Mhh,” Simon hums, pretending to think.

“I think I know a thing or two to keep us busy.” He lets his hand slide over Raphael’s back and neck until he reaches his hair and then tugs him down to meet his mouth.

**~~**

“Are you nervous?” Raphael asks that night as he looks at Simon, who’s trying his best not to turn around and leave. They’re standing in front of Raphael’s old house; a Victorian building looking out of place between the modern apartments on both sides of it. It looks quiet and peaceful this late, but Simon can hear his mother’s heartbeat coming from inside. It’s steady and calm. He’d find it reassuring if he hadn’t been this nervous.

Simon gulps and reaches for Raphael’s hand, who squeezes it reassuringly.

“Maybe a bit. What if she doesn’t like me? What if she talks shit about me to you in Spanish? What if she forgets I’m a vampire and offers me something to eat and it turns awkward? What if-”

“ _Dios_ , my love. Please calm down. My mother will welcome you with open arms just like she did to the partners of my brothers. I promise.”

Simon exhales shakily.

“Okay. Let’s do this before I change my mind.”

Raphael chuckles and pulls him to the house, walking up the steps to knock on the front door.

It’s almost like Guadalupe had been waiting for them, judging from how fast she is to open the door.

Raphael’s mother is a short woman, but she makes up for it with the way she carries herself. Her shoulders are straight and proud despite her age and she wears her white hair with pride. Her eyes, though surrounded by wrinkles, are still sparkling and young.

“Raphael, _mi hijo_!” She exclaims before pulling her son to her chest. Raphael has to duck down to give her a kiss on the cheek.

“ _Hola, mama_ ,” he says cheerfully. Then he steps back so she can see the boy he brought with him, and her eyebrows shoot up in surprise just like Raphael’s do sometimes. Simon almost steps aside to hide behind his boyfriend.

_“¿Quién es este?”_

“ _Esto es Simón, mama,”_ Raphael replies. The way he says his name, how it rolls off his lips like a poem, makes Simon feel all warm and giddy inside.

“ _Hola_ ,” Simon waves sheepishly. Guadalupe smiles brightly at him as she extends her arms to pull him to her chest as well.

 _Hola, Simón_. How are you tonight?” She asks, easily slipping into English for Simon’s sake. He immediately feels more at ease now.

“I’m great, thank you. What a lovely home you have, Mrs. Santiago.”

“Why thank you!” And then, as she turns to Raphael: “ _lo que es un chico guapo_.”

Raphael laughs and nods, pulling Simon closer to his side.

“Well, come on in you two! I suppose I can’t offer you anything to eat?”

Raphael kindly declines as they follow her through the hallway.

“What did she just say about me?” Simon whispers, hoping Guadalupe won’t hear. Raphael presses his lips to his ear to reply.

“She said you’re very handsome. Of course I agreed.”

Simon tries to stutter a comeback, but they’ve arrived in the living room and Raphael’s mom is motioning for them to sit down on the couch. Raphael is sure to leave no space between their bodies as they sit, pressing his thigh against Simon’s.

“So,” Guadalupe starts, looking between the two of them, “Raphael has never brought anyone home before. I must say I’m a bit overwhelmed.”

“Really?” Simon asks, glancing at his boyfriend next to him. Raphael looks a bit embarrassed.

“ _Mama_ , do we really need to discuss-”

“No, no! I’m sorry, you didn’t come here to talk about your love life. I’m sorry I have to bother you with this, Raphael, but this house hasn’t been painted in over forty years. It’s a disgrace, honestly.”

“It’s okay. Simon and I are happy to help. How about you show us where we can find everything and what rooms you want to have repainted and you go to bed as we finish the job?”

“That’s a great idea, _mijo_.” She says, already standing up again. That woman still has a lot of energy to be 96 years old. The two vampires follow her through the kitchen to a storage room, where there are cans of paint and brushes stacked on shelves.

“It’s simple, really. Only the living room and hallway need some repainting. I want the living room in this color,” she points at a soft lavender on one of the shelves, “and the hallway in plain white.”

“Got it,” Raphael nods. Guadalupe pats him on the cheek and then makes her way to the door.

“If you need anything, I’ll be in my bedroom. Sleeping. So make sure you don’t need anything,” she smiles. She pats Simon on the cheek too before disappearing.

“Well,” Simon sighs.

“Better get started.”

**~~**

“The paint is supposed to go _where_?” Simon asks several hours later, a brush in his hand. You’d think two vampires would get this job finished rather quickly, but that’s not exactly how it’s going. Raphael wants to get everything perfect for his mother, which means Simon has to put several layers of paint on each wall to even it out. And even though he has supernatural speed, paint drying doesn’t.

Raphael peeks his head around the corner, a smear of white paint on his cheek.

“Right there on the same spot you’ve been painting for the past hour, Simon.”

Simon squints.

“ _Where_?” He asks again.

Raphael sighs dramatically and walks towards him, pointing a finger to the wall Simon is painting.

“ _There_ , Jesus Christ. Did you inhale too much paint fumes?”

Simon grins widely.

“No, I just wanted you here so I could do this.”

Simon drags his paintbrush over Raphael’s chest, who gasps loudly.

“Simon!”

“Oops, got your shirt all dirty. Guess you’ll have to take it off now.”

“Haha, very funny. Now get back to work.”

Raphael turns around to go back to the hallway, but Simon smears some paint on his back too. The older vampire turns around to scowl at him.

“Got it double dirty! You can’t keep it on now, what if you bump against the wet wall and ruin the paint?”

“I hate you so much,” Raphael says.

“That’s not what you said last night,” Simon grins.

“I take it back. You’re a horrible human being.”

“Not a human being anymore.”

“I swear to god I’m gonna kick your ass.”

“Oh come on, Raph. You know I would just enjoy that.”

Raphael tries to look mad, but that gets a chuckle out of him. To hide it, he grabs Simon’s paintbrush and drags it across his face, leaving a purple smear.

“Hey!” Simon protests.

Raphael smiles innocently.

“That’s actually an improvement. You should wear purple more often. Now, get back on it.”

“What if I do this instead?” Simon wonders, ducking down to dip his hand in the paint can. It comes back covered in purple from fingertips to wrist.

“Simon, don’t you dare-”

But Simon already slapped his hand on Raphael’s chest, leaving a print. He smears the remains of the paint on Raphael’s sleeves.

“Oh, now you have war,” Raphael hisses. He dips the paintbrush in the paint again and draws a big cross on Simon’s chest. Then he puts two dots on both his cheeks.

Before they can stop it, they’re engaged in a true war. Soon, they’re both covered in white and purple paint like a parody of art. Simon presses their bodies together as their lips connect, tasting the paint on Raphael’s mouth. When he pulls pack, there’s white smeared over the purple on his lips.

“My mother is actually going to stake me straight through the heart if she sees us like this,” Raphael mutters, looking down on him and then Simon.

“At least the walls stayed clean,” Simon says.

“Yeah, thank God. How about we hop in the shower before she wakes up?”

“That’s the best idea that’s come out of your mouth the entire night.”

They end up having to shower with their clothes on because there’s no way in hell they can just drop them on the clean floor. Once they and their clothes are clean, Raphael strips out of them and sneaks to his old bedroom to fetch some of the clothes he left behind.

He returns with two pairs of sweatpants and two identical shirts. Simon makes a face at him.

“We’re gonna look like identical twins,” he complains.

“Would you rather go downstairs naked? Because that’s your only other option.”

Simon sighs and takes the clothes from Raphael. They get dressed and put their old clothes up to dry.

“I can’t believe we actually did this,” Raphael says once they’re back downstairs, nodding at the pool of paint on the plastic they spread out on the floor.

“We’re like a bunch of teenagers.”

“Well, technically we _are_ a bunch of teenagers.”

Raphael rolls his eyes at him.

“You know what I mean.”

“Yeah…” Simon nods. Then he reaches out to comb one of Raphael’s curls behind his ear.

“But your hair is really cute this way. You should wear it like that more often.”

Raphael smiles and wants to say something, but then a voice rings behind them.

“It looks great, boys.”

They turn around simultaneously to see Guadalupe standing in the doorway. She smiles as she glances down at their intertwined fingers.

“ _Mama_ , up already?”

“Your shower woke me up. I came to see how much progress you’ve made, but I see you’re already finished.”

“Yes, we are,” Simon smiles.

“We just have to clean up a bit.”

“Oh, leave that to me. The sun is about to rise. You two better get back home.”

“Are you sure?” Raphael wonders. Guadalupe nods firmly.

“Of course I am, _mijo_. Now get going! I wouldn’t want you two burning up because you had to paint a house.”

She practically pushes them down the hall and opens the door for them. After having said goodbye to her son with a tight hug and a kiss on the cheek, she embraces Simon too.

She murmurs something in his ear, and even though Raphael must’ve heard with his supernatural hearing, he still asks what she said once they’re outside.

Simon smiles brightly, squeezes Raphael’s hand.

“She said she hasn’t heard you laugh that loud in over sixty years.”

Raphael mimics his smile as he tugs him to his side.

“That’s probably because I haven’t been this happy in over sixty years.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I still haven't figured out how to put a link in the notes but if you want to talk about these two losers, my Tumblr is raphaels-santiagos !


	10. I wish I could hate you.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simon hurt Raphael like nobody has ever done before, and Raphael isn't sure if a thing in the world can still fix this.

He doesn’t hear from him for two weeks.

Raphael should be grateful. He doesn’t want to see him ever again, will probably kill him if he does.

At least, that’s what he keeps telling himself.

He thinks he’s coping with his grief pretty well. He’s a leader first and a person later, after all. There is no place for emotions at the top.

But he misses him. There’s no denying that.

He tries to hide it. The clan will probably overthrow him if they realize he still has feelings for the traitor, the boy who released hell upon them. But where some get overly emotional to cope with loss, Raphael shuts off all his feelings all together.

He becomes distant, cold. Almost like a machine. He may still be leading, still be going to meetings with other clan leaders, still be corresponding with the Clave through letters, but it’s as if he’s on automatic pilot. Whenever there’s a problem, he handles it without listening to his gut or his heart. He shuts them out. The only important thing is his brain, anyway.

The clan starts noticing too. Where Raphael used to be approachable, likeable, he is now curt on a good day and insufferable on a bad day. He tells them what to do and how to do it, but other than that there’s no friendly atmosphere around him anymore.

Simon ruined him.

Multiple clan members, those brave enough to do so, try to talk to him about it. They’re often met with books being thrown their way and swearwords accompanying them. Raphael doesn’t want to talk. The only thing he wants is to forget all his responsibilities, all the rules, the brewing war above his head, the betrayal still aching in his chest and crawl up in bed forever.

The only thing he wants is _Simon_.

And he hates himself for it. For showing weakness, for being vulnerable. He trusted Simon so easily, let his guards down for him, gave him a look behind his hard exterior. And he took it all and threw it away.

Simon hurt him like nobody had ever done before, and yet he’s still craving him. Simon is toxic and Raphael can’t stop poisoning himself. Simon is a drug and Raphael grabs a needle to inject him every single time.

On the fifteenth night, when Raphael is lying in bed without sleeping, a Portal opens in his room. He sits up just in time to see Magnus Bane emerge from it, followed by a silhouette he wants to pretend he doesn’t recognize.

But of course he does. He would recognize his shadow even when the sun was swallowed and they lived in darkness forever.

Raphael is up on his feet before the Portal closes behind them.

“What are you doing back here?” He spits at the fledgling. He can’t help but notice how horrible he looks. It can’t be from lack of blood because he’s sure Magnus will have taken care of that and Raphael selfishly hopes it’s because the guilt of having betrayed them is eating away at him.

“Raphael, can we talk? Please?” Simon stutters. His voice sounds different. Deeper, more hoarse. As if he hasn’t talked in days, or maybe as if he’d been crying.

Raphael wants to believe he’d torn him apart already if Magnus hadn’t been standing between them. Truth is, he’d probably already forgiven him if there hadn’t been any witnesses.

“You’ve said enough.”

“But-”

“Enough!” Raphael snaps. He focuses his gaze on Magnus, who’s standing awkwardly between them.

“Why did you bring him here?”

“He’s been camping out in my apartment for two weeks, Raphael. I couldn’t stand it anymore. If you two don’t settle this, I might kill him myself.”

Raphael looks at Simon once more before turning away from him.

“Be my guest,” he hisses.

He wants to walk away from them, leave them in his room until they get the message that he isn’t returning anytime soon, but Magnus follows him to the door and stops him from leaving.

“Raphael, my friend,” he says softly as he cups Raphael’s cheek.

“Please. The fledgling is a mess. He barely sleeps, I have to force him to eat, he wanders aimlessly at night and cries during the day. He can’t live like this much longer.”

“Then let him die,” Raphael says flatly, but every fiber in his body is begging him to just forgive Simon, to take him in his arms and never let go.

“I have known you for decades, Raphael. I know when someone means something to you. You have to make this right or it will kill you too. Please.”

Raphael sighs, turns his back to Magnus once more.

“Leave,” he breathes.

The warlock touches his shoulder once more and then disappears, the purple of the Portal fading with his presence.

When Raphael turns back around, Simon is still standing there.

“Raphael, I-” He starts, but Raphael cuts him off by holding up a hand.

“I carried your dead body to Shadowhunter territory, gave your redhead friend the choice to kill or Turn you. I opened my home to you and I trusted you, I _protected_ you. But as soon as you got the chance, you turned around and betrayed me.”

“I’m-”

“Not only did you betray me, you did it by releasing the woman who did this to you. You see yourself as a monster, Simon. Well, Camille is the one who made you this way. And you set her free so she can do it all again to some other innocent Mundane. And for what? A meaningless Mundane?”

“She isn’t meaningless to me! Jocelyn is like my second mom, Raphael. I released Camille for someone I love.”

“I loved you too!” Raphael screams. A deafening silence settles between them as soon as he says it, both staring at each other from across the room. Simon looks wide-eyed and shocked, Raphael feels empty and cold.

“I wish I could hate you,” he whispers.

“I wish I could be indifferent towards you. I wish it wouldn’t matter to me whether you lived or died. But it does, and that’s why I’m telling you this: leave. Because if the others find out you’re here, they will tear you apart. And I won’t stop them.”

“Raphael-”

“Leave through the tunnels. They won’t find you there.”

Simon wants to say something, even lifts a hand as if he wants to reach out to him. But Raphael is sure to not show any emotion, to be completely black.

So Simon shuts his mouth and heads to the door. Raphael crosses him halfway through the room to get back to his bed and doesn’t even look at him as he passes.

Right before Simon can leave, he turns around once more and says: “Raphael, I love you too.”

And Raphael starts to crumble around the edges. If Simon doesn’t leave soon, he’ll have to stay to pick up his broken pieces.

“It’s too late for that,” he says, voice shaking.

Once the door shuts behind him, Raphael falls onto his knees.

Somewhere in the hotel, Simon is sneaking his way to the tunnels.

And Raphael knows he can hear the loud sobs ripping through his throat, but not a force in the world could stop them from coming out.


	11. Wait a minute... are you jealous?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Raphael is jealous (as the title suggests)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so, there seems to be this thing amongst Saphael writers where we deem it impossible for vampires to blush and yet they're able to get boners, which doesn't make sense bc you need blood for that too. There's obviously still blood flowing through their veins bc Raphael pulled a bloody knife out of his chest when Simon threw it. Soooooo, I'm saying, vampires can still blush, but only VERY lightly. Have a good day.

Raphael wasn’t normally one of the vampires to train new fledglings. The hotel hadn’t seen a new one in decades and normally someone else would make sure Simon got his training, but Raphael had quickly taken their place as his trainer.

At the time, he hadn’t been sure why he did it. He just wanted to be the one to teach him how to survive in this world. He told himself it was because he promised to keep Simon safe and he was a man of his word, but as their training progressed, Raphael had to admit to himself that there was something more to it than just his promise.

If it had just been about being a man of his word, just training him would be enough. But he also took it upon himself to go on his first hunt with him – which was a pretty big deal in the vampire world – to keep him content in the hotel and to tell him about all the things he should know.

But the more Simon progressed in physical training, the more it became obvious that he was stronger than Raphael. Not only did he have more physical power because he was a fledgling, he also had an advantage when it came to height. It may not be much, but it was enough for Simon to learn how to use it against Raphael.

So Raphael had to ask Stan to take over physical training from him.

He didn’t like it. It’s not like he had something against Stan – he was a pretty cool guy. It was just that he was training Simon, which had been Raphael’s job for months.

He started seeing Simon less because he was constantly with Stan, and when they did have the time to sit together and talk, Stan often was Simon’s favorite subject to gush about. About how he showed him a new technique or how he had been able to catch Stan off guard and work him to the ground, or how great he was as a trainer.

Raphael tried listening to it, but when Simon made an off-hand comment about how good Stan had looked tonight, he snapped.

“I really don’t have time for this, Simon,” he cut the fledgling off halfway through his sentence. Simon looked up at him with a frown tugging at his eyebrows.

“Sorry, I was just-”

“Excited? I know.” Raphael pinched the bridge of his nose and made a vague gesture towards his door.

“Do you mind… leaving me alone? You’re exhausting.”

Simon huffed and got up.

“Fine. I just missed you today and I wanted to tell you about my day, but I see you have more important business to attend to.”

He was out of his room before Raphael could fully process he just said he _missed_ him. As if they didn’t spend basically every night together, a few hours before sunrise to talk or just sit together.

The thing was, when Simon wasn’t around, he missed him too.

Raphael sighed and pushed his chair back as he got up. The last thing he wanted was to give Simon a reason not to come by anymore, so he walked out of his room to find his fledgling and apologize.

Simon’s sent led him, infuriating, to Stan’s room.

Raphael contemplated not bothering to knock and just waltzing in there, but his manners won from his jealousy at the last minute. So he raised his hand and knocked three times, waiting impatiently for Stan to open the door.

When he didn’t, Raphael started to wonder what they were doing in there that would prevent him from opening the door for his clan leader.

He waited a few more seconds and then went in.

Simon and Stan were both lying on bed, pillows supporting their backs as they were staring at the TV. They were both holding game consoles and were probably playing a videogame.

“Simon?” Raphael asked. Simon’s head jerked up and he offered him a bright smile, which surprised Raphael. He just told him to go for a walk and now he was already blessing him with his smile again? But then again, Simon never was one to hold grudges.

“Oh hey, Raph. Missing me already? That took you a full two minutes!”

Raphael glanced at Stan, who had paused the game and was watching his leader in the doorway. Then he focused his gaze back on Simon.

“Can I talk to you?” Raphael asked. Simon’s smile faltered almost immediately and he must wonder what he did wrong now, but he put the game console away and followed Raphael onto the hallway.

Once Raphael closed the door behind them, he turned to face Simon.

“I don’t want you hanging out with Stan anymore,” he said firmly, despite the fact that Stan was probably eavesdropping on them.

“What? Why not? Is it because of the kissing thing, because he told me it wouldn’t happen again and -”

“Wait, kissing thing?” Raphael asked, his voice sounding too high-pitched even for his ears. A barely visible brush crept onto Simon’s cheeks.

“Uh, yeah – he – uh. You see, during one of our trainings… he might have gotten the wrong idea and – kissed me?” It was more a question than a statement, but Raphael felt his fists tremble anyway.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

Simon shrugged sheepishly.

“I didn’t think it was worth mentioning because it was an accident and I’m not planning on acting on it.”

“Are you sure?” It almost sounded desperate, but Raphael _had_ to know.

Simon must’ve heard it in his voice too, because he raised a curious eyebrow at him.

“Wait a minute… are you jealous?” He asked, maybe a little too smugly.

“I – wh – why should I-” Raphael stuttered, feeling his own cheeks burn up.

“Oh my G- gosh! You totally are!” Simon cheered. He took a step towards Raphael, who automatically took a step backwards. Simon backed him up like that until he was pressed against the wall opposite to Stan’s room.

“Well, there’s no reason for you to be jealous.”

Raphael swallowed.

“Why not?” He asked.

“Because,” Simon muttered, his eyes darting to Raphael’s mouth, “I told Stan there’s someone else I like.”

“Oh, really? Who would that be?” Raphael’s breath was coming short now, standing this close to Simon.

Simon placed both his hands on the sides of Raphael’s head, completely cornering him with his body now.

“There’s this guy. Always scowling, wearing suits like it’s his religion. He’s kind of an asshole, but he’s not too bad.”

“I’m not an asshole,” Raphael protested. Simon uttered a breathy laugh.

“You kinda are. But I want you to be _my_ asshole, if you want that too.”

Raphael was too dazed to reply, too focused on Simon’s lips only inches away from his, his arms on both sides of his body. So instead of saying anything, he just nodded.

Their lips connected with a soft bump of noses, Simon’s hand moving from the wall to Raphael’s neck. Raphael’s hands crawled up to rest on Simon’s chest, fisting the material of his shirt to pull him closer.

Simon was the one to deepen the kiss, tilting his head and licking into Raphael’s mouth when he opened for him. He faintly tasted of blood and _Simon_ , a distinct taste Raphael could best describe as _home_.

Raphael would’ve been perfectly content to just stand there and kiss for eternity, but eventually Simon pulled away to rest his forehead against Raphael’s. They both still had their eyes closed, trying to stay in the moment as long as possible.

“You’re a way better kisser than Stan,” Simon murmured against his lips.

Raphael chuckled and touched the tip of Simon’s nose with his own.

“Say that a little louder so he can hear.”

“Oh, I heard!” A disgruntled voice came from Stan’s bedroom. The two vampires in the hallway broke into identical laughs.

“Let’s move this to your room, where we have a little more privacy,” Simon suggested.

Raphael was happy to comply.


	12. Wanna bet?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simon challenges Raphael. The prize? Forcing the older vampire to watch Star Wars with him.

In the few months Simon has been living in the DuMort, Raphael has learned quite a lot about him.

For example, when Simon gets tired, he can zone out completely. You could talk to him for hours on end without him noticing a thing, just staring into space until he finally gets the chance to get some rest. He also loves reading. Not just comics – of which he took at least a hundred to his room in the hotel – but also real books without pictures. He doesn’t have a lot of patience, but when a book is really good, he can sit down and read it in one sitting.

But maybe the biggest thing Raphael notices, is the fact that Simon tries to turn _everything_ into a challenge.

He ended up getting sick because someone challenged him to down three blood cocktails all at once, almost got burned by the sun because he wanted to prove it _is_ possible for a vampire to speed to another state in one night and got punched in the face because Stan challenged him to kiss a random Mundane girl at a club.

Luckily, the next thing Simon chooses to make a challenge of is less dangerous to his own life.

They’re sparring, both getting exhausted because they’ve been training for hours on end, and Simon is getting bored.

“Okay, if I can get you to the floor, can we _please_ call it a day?” He pants, wiping some sweat from his forehead with the front of his shirt. Raphael swiftly glances down at his exposed stomach before darting his gaze up again.

“There’s no way in hell you can get me on the floor,” Raphael smiles smugly. Simon narrows his eyes and eyes him up and down.

“Wanna bet?” He asks.

Raphael sighs dramatically.

“Fine. If you get me down, we’ll call it a day. If you don’t -” He pinches the bridge of his nose, realizing how tired he is, “we’ll call it a day too because I’m exhausted.”

Simon frowns.

“That doesn’t sound like much of a challenge.”

“Then what do you suggest?”

The fledgling breaks into a wide grin.

“If I get you to the floor, you’re gonna sit through the Star Wars movies with me.”

Raphael’s eyes widen in shock.

“All of them?”

“All of them,” Simon nods.

“Okay, but if _I_ get _you_ to the floor, you’re going hunting with us tomorrow.”

Simon makes a face at his mentor.

“Do I really have-”

“Tut, tut, tut. You wanted a challenge, you got one. And besides, it’s about time you learn how to hunt for blood instead of just sipping it out of glasses. It won’t always be this way, and you need to be prepared for that day.”

“Fine,” Simon grunts, suddenly displeased with the deal. He bends his knees and holds his fists in front of his face like Raphael taught him and gestures for him to do the same.

“Ready?” Raphael asks.

“Ready,” Simon says.

Surprisingly, Raphael doesn’t manage to take Simon down as easily as he’d thought. In fact, the fledgling puts up quite a fight and even manages to get the upper hand until Raphael spots an opening in his defense and moves to strike him there. But before he can, Simon ducks and grabs his leg, flipping him until he loses his balance and crashes to the ground.

Before he can get up, Simon gets on top of him and straddles his hips.

“Ha!” He cheers, only slightly out of breath.

“You, my friend, are losing your Star Wars virginity tomorrow night!”

Raphael really doesn’t want to think about losing _any_ kind of virginity when Simon is sitting on top of him like that, so he quickly pushes him off and stands up.

“Great,” he mutters under his breath.

“My room, tomorrow night, right after sunset!” Simon yells after him as Raphael leaves the room.

“We’re gonna need all the time we can get!”

**~~**

Simon looks surprised when Raphael enters his room the next night, right on time.

“What?” Raphael asks as he crosses Simon at the door to head for the couch in front of Simon’s personal TV.

“Didn’t think I’d show?”

“No – that’s not it. It’s just that I, uh, I’ve never seen you in pajamas before.”

Raphael looks down on himself as if he only just now realizes he’s wearing plaid pajama pants and a black shirt. Then he looks back up at Simon and shrugs.

“Yeah. If we’re doing a movie marathon I better get comfortable, right?”

“Right,” Simon says, now staring at Raphael’s hair. It’s curling naturally around his ears and at the nape of his neck because he couldn’t be bothered to slick it back for tonight. Simon checking him out so blatantly makes Raphael feel annoyingly shy and he turns around to get onto the couch before he can do something stupid.

Simon follows him and plops down next to him, propping his legs on the coffee table as he picks up the remote to put on the first movie.

“Okay, basically all you need to know is that Luke Skywalker is too precious for this world,” Simon says as he fasts forward to the opening credits. He turns up the volume when they start and hums along to the theme song as Raphael reads the words on screen.

“That’s it?” He asks.

“No background, no tips about what this movie franchise is even about, nothing?”

“It’s called Star Wars, Raph. Take a wild guess.”

Raphael rolls his eyes at him to hide his reaction to Simon calling him Raph. Then he sinks down onto the couch until his knees are touching the coffee table, crosses his arms in front of his chest and focuses on the movie.

**~~**

“Okay,” Simon says halfway through the second movie.

“Fuck, marry, kill. Luke, Leia, Han.”

Raphael takes a sip of blood and licks his lips before replying. He doesn’t miss the way Simon’s eyes dart to his mouth, even if it’s just for one second.

“Fuck Han, marry Luke, kill Leia,” he says without hesitation.

Simon gasps and punches him on the shoulder in shock.

“No way! How can you just kill Leia like that?”

Raphael quirks an eyebrow at him.

“Well, I personally don’t think I’d get much pleasure out of sleeping with or marrying her, considering she’s a… well – _she_.”

Simon’s eyes widen.

“Wait – wh – so… you like boys?”

“Is that a problem?”

“No – no! Absolutely not! I – uh. I like boys too. And girls! I like both.”

Raphael shoots him a toothy grin.

“Really? Interesting.”

Simon’s eyes dart back to Raphael’s mouth. His Adam’s apple bops as he swallows.

“Yeah. There’s this one guy, though, in particular. I just didn’t think he was… available.”

Raphael’s eyes are fixated on Simon’s mouth too now, watching as his tongue darts out to wet his lips. Raphael is suddenly painfully aware of how close they’re sitting, touching from shoulder to knee.

He knows he’s supposed to say something, keep the conversation going. But Simon’s mouth is coming closer now, approaching his painfully slow, giving him the chance to pull back and pretend this never happened.

But he just closes his eyes and waits for their lips to connect.

Simon bumps noses with him first, sitting like that for a moment before moving forward to press his lips onto Raphael’s.

Raphael makes a small sound in the back of his throat, one he will deny when Simon asks him about it later, and lifts his hand to dig his fingers in Simon’s hair. He tugs at it gently when Simon tilts his head to deepen the kiss, dragging his tongue over Raphael’s lower lip until he opens his mouth for him.

Simon’s hand settles on Raphael’s side, drawing circles with his thumb on his skin where his shirt crept up. When the kiss becomes more heated, with more tongue and teeth and hands, Simon grabs his thigh and pulls him onto his lap.

Raphael is straddling him now, his lips still firmly pressed to Simon’s as the hands of the other boy disappear under his shirt and rest flatly on his back.

Raphael pulls back after what feels like a small eternity, being short of breath despite not needing air.

“That guy you like – that’s me, right?” He asks jokingly. Simon breathes a laugh and hugs Raphael to his chest.

“Duh,” he says before going in for another kiss.

 


	13. Things you said with my lips on your neck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on the prompt:   
> 'Raphael needing to feed because he's too busy working and forgets to so Simon lets him drink his blood even tho it's not as good as mundane blood.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've never done a 'things you said when...' prompt and I also don't remember ever reading any so I hope I did it right.
> 
> Heads up for blood drinking and mild sexual content!

It was usually Simon who forgot to feed.

He didn’t do it on purpose – not always. He was just so busy with everything else, like trying to watch Jurassic Park and Star Wars at the same time or balancing playing the guitar and reading Batman comics, that he simply didn’t even think about feeding until Raphael shoved a glass of blood in his hands.

The older vampire would find it endearing if it wasn’t endangering Simon’s life.

Raphael, on the other hand, hadn’t forgotten to feed in over fifty years. Sure, he didn’t need to do it as much as the other vampires and he could get by with way less too, but every few days he always remembered to make himself a glass and sip it while he worked.

But that was before his mother passed away.

He should’ve seen it coming, he should’ve been _expecting_ it. After all, it was only a matter of time before people around him would start dying.

And, added to the fact that no ordinary Mundane was immortal, was the fact that Raphael’s mother was 97 years old. Which was impressive.

But it wasn’t enough. It would never be enough.

He was there when she died, together with his three younger brothers. They’d all known it wouldn’t take long anymore now, not with the cancer steadily eating away at her body. Raphael had known it would be The Day when he had walked in. He could smell it, death lingering around her like a patient lover, waiting to take her to the other side.

It didn’t make it any easier. Not at all. For every passing minute that turned in an hour, for every rapid heartbeat still fighting in his mother’s chest, Raphael knew it was coming. He could count down to it if he wanted to – three more hours. Two more hours. One more hour. _Now_.

His mother gave her last breath to her four sons, much like she did her entire life. Everything she had done was always for her sons, and even when she was dying she couldn’t give herself her last breath. No, she had to address her sons one last time.

And she looked them all in the face, traced their cheeks with her skinny thumb, and told them she loved them. The faces of his brothers were marked with old age and worry, but Raphael’s would forever look the same. His mother touched his cheek nevertheless, whispering _Mi hermoso chico_ , my beautiful boy, before closing her eyes.

“Pray for me,” she breathed, and so they did. They all held hands, Raphael leading in prayer like he always did. And when they finished, his mother was gone.

Raphael hadn’t attended the funeral considering it had been during the day, but he had visited her grave that night. He cried bloody tears, those she had never seen because he knew they would scare her. And he had cried out for her, for his _Mama_ , like he was a child again.

That was two weeks ago. His brothers had since then gone back to their family, their children and wives to comfort them. And though Raphael had a hotel full of vampires, he had never felt more alone.

So he focused on work instead, made himself drown in it. He finally got around to writing some formal letters to the Clave, corresponded with other clans in Europe over the phone, payed the bills (yes, even the damned had to pay electricity bills) and looked into a possible rogue vampire case in New Jersey. Though it technically wasn’t their territory, the feral vampire could eventually form a threat to their clan.

He had told his clan to leave him alone until he got out of his study. He had told _everyone_ except, _of course_ , Simon Lewis. Because he had probably been doing something reckless or stupid or _Mundane_ when Raphael had addressed the other vampires.

So, after succeeding of being left alone for two weeks, there was a short knock on his door.

Before he could even growl for them to disappear, Simon’s head peeked around the corner.

“Hey, Raph?” He asked. Raphael rubbed his eyes before spinning around in his chair to face him.

“What?” He snarled. Simon didn’t seem too bothered with his attitude – he never was.

“I just wanted to check if you’re okay? I haven’t seen you around for a while.”

“I’m fine,” Raphael said automatically.

“Are you sure? You don’t look fine. You look pretty bad, if I’m being honest.”

“Thank you, Simon. Would that be all?”

“Ye – you know what, no.” Simon stepped in his study fully now, closing the door behind him. Raphael raised an eyebrow at his boldness.

“I heard about your mother. I actually heard about it a week ago, but I wanted to give you some room to mourn her before I came to wish you my condolences. So, uh – my condolences.”

“Go away,” Raphael mumbled. He had closed his eyes the moment Simon had mentioned his mother, tears threatening to spill from his eyes for the umpteenth time.

“Hey, man, look. I get it, okay? My dad died when I was eight. I was old enough to understand what was happening so – I get it. I do. I’m here if you want to talk or cry or yell or whatever you need to make you feel better.”

“You leaving would make me feel better.”

“Okay, just checking. You sure you don’t need anything? I could help you with whatever you’re doing or we could watch a movie to take your mind off things or-”

“Leave!” Raphael hissed, exposing his fangs at the fledgling. Simon took a step back.

“Dude, your eyes!” He exclaimed.

“They’re totally bloodshot! When’s the last time you fed?”

“I -” Raphael rubbed his eyes again, turned away from Simon to hide them from him.

“I don’t know. Weeks ago.”

“Are you kidding me? Raphael, you could _die_. You need to feed right now immediately.”

“I’m fine.”

“No, you’re not! So either you come with me and have a drink or I’ll force it down your throat myself.”

When Raphael didn’t move or say anything, Simon sighed.

“If I leave to get you some blood, you’re just gonna lock the door behind me. And though I’m finally getting comfortable here, I’m not about to break down a door and endure your wrath once you’re feeling better. So, since don’t have anything better to offer…”

Raphael turned around just in time to see Simon grab a letter opener and drag it over his wrist.

Vampire blood was different to human blood in many ways. For starters, it didn’t have that intoxicating, addicting scent to it. Vampire blood was more subtle, sometimes even unappealing if the vampire wasn’t right. Where human blood was dark, pure chocolate, vampire blood was like a light chocolate milkshake.

But Raphael’s vampire senses reacted to it nevertheless, his fangs popping out and his vision blurring until it was only focusing on Simon’s wrist, on the dark blood welling from it.

Raphael had his bloodlust under control more than most vampires. He knew vampires who had lived through wars and illnesses and centuries who didn’t have the control he had. But he hadn’t fed in two weeks, which was extremely long. And Simon’s blood just smelled _so good_.

He was out of his chair and in front of Simon before he fully realized it. The fledgling didn’t say anything as he held his wrist up for Raphael, only made a small sound in the back of his throat when Raphael darted out his tongue to lick it.

And then he was against a wall, trapped between the hard surface and Raphael’s body.

Simon moaned when Raphael sank his teeth into his wrist. It crossed Raphael’s mind that the young fledgling probably had no idea what blood drinking meant for vampires, but he figured he’d find out any moment. And, as thought, Simon’s legs started trembling within seconds.

“Holy _shit_ ,” he breathed. Raphael held his wrist firmly in his hands, drinking the blood straight from the vein. He felt dizzy, _high_.

Simon managed to pull back his hand despite Raphael’s grip and the older vampire _growled_ , but Simon just lifted his hand to smear some of the blood on his neck.

“There,” he said, almost _begged_. And Raphael wanted it, he really did. He wanted to sink his teeth in the soft flesh and drink Simon’s rich taste until he felt satisfied. But he had to make sure Simon wanted it too.

“Simon, are you sure?” He asked. His voice sounded wrong – desperate. Hungry.

“Please,” Simon nodded. It was the only encouragement Raphael needed.

He kissed him there first, mouthing at his dead pulse to make him feel comfortable with the feeling. Simon took a ragged breath and weaved his fingers through Raphael’s hair.

“Are you gonna wait for me to reach the legal age of 21 first?” He tried to joke, but his voice was high pitched and needy. Raphael pressed another kiss to his neck, almost teasing, before popping out his fangs and puncturing his skin.

Simon’s hips jerked against Raphael’s as Raphael drank from him. His hand untangled itself from Raphael’s hair to move down his back and under his shirt instead.

The older vampire took what he needed, which wasn’t that much, and then pulled back to let the wounds heal. He licked up the blood he spilled and then pressed a final kiss on Simon’s collarbone before pulling back completely.

The other vampire looked almost comical with his hair sticking up where it had brushed against the wall and his pupils blown wide until they were almost completely black. His clothes were ruffled and he was half hard in his pants. Raphael grinned smugly when he noticed.

“Wh- you’re not just gonna leave me hanging, are you?” Simon asked, still trying to catch his breath.

Raphael wiped his mouth and shrugged.

“I don’t know, Simon. I’m feeling quite satisfied at the moment.”

Simon groaned in frustration.

“Fuck you, man.”

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you?” Raphael teased, feeling lighter and happier after having fed.

“I could settle with a helping hand too. Doesn’t have to be full blown fucking.”

Raphael eyed him up and down, his gaze lingering on his hard on before moving up again to look him in the face. Then he jerked his head into the direction of his room.

“Come on, then,” he said.

“Really?” Simon asked, jaw almost dropping to the floor.

“Sure, but this isn’t a favor. I expect something in return too,” Raphael winked suggestively.

If he hadn’t known better, he’d say Simon was blushing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello it's been some days but here I am again!!


	14. Things you said after it was over

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simon never thought he would have to go to war.

 Simon never thought he would have to go to war.

Of course his Jewish heritage forced him to at least _think_ about it. His grandparents talked about ‘The War’ all the time, as if there had only ever been one war. He guesses for them there was. Because no matter how many wars this world would know, only one of them forced them to leave their country. His grandfather talked about his own father fighting on the battlefield in World War One, only to be forced out of the very same country he once defended twenty years later.

Simon never thought he would have to go to war.

But he did follow the news with slight paranoia rising in his chest every time Trump took the stage. He saw the similarities between him and someone else who had once promised to make a nation great again. And once again his people were in the eye of the storm, together with all the other minorities. Simon was pretty sure that Trump would start a war if he were elected, but he didn’t know if he would have to fight in it or run from it.

Simon never thought he would have to go to war.

And he certainly never thought he would have to go to war with _another_ equivalent of Hitler, only one of a more supernatural kind. And _yet again_ , his own kind was in the eye of the storm.

The battle is horrible and bloody and exhausting. There’s pure chaos – everyone screaming and shouting and _dying_. Simon has never seen so many people die before. He thought he would freeze when he saw the first corpse, would turn around and run. But he barely even registers it, can barely even smell the blood. He is a soldier, and soldiers don’t mourn until after battle.

He rips and bites and tears, feral like it is his second nature. Claws bared, fangs dropped. He is a wild animal, and the enemy is his prey. Not one of Valentine’s men daring to cross his path survives.

He knows the others are here too – his clan. His Raphael. They sided with the Shadowhunters (the good ones, not Valentine’s ones) right before battle. They finally realized Valentine would be more bad than good, even if they sided with him. To him, they would never be more than half demon. They would always be _less than_ and _not enough_.

Simon hadn’t known if he should be happy or scared. With the vampires, his side was more likely to succeed. They had good stamina, more speed, more strength, and were harder to kill. But they were also Children of the Night and they would burn once the sun rose. And, maybe most importantly, amongst them was _Raphael_. Logically speaking, Simon knew he was a good fighter. But love wasn’t logical, and he had _begged_ and _cried_ and _pleaded_ for Raphael not to join.

Simon remembers the way he jerked his arm out of his grip, how cold his gaze had been.

“You’re not the boss of me,” Raphael had spit.

“In fact, you’re not _anything_ anymore.”

He had left Simon on his knees in the camp they set up at the edge of the battlefield. Simon’s hand felt cold and empty where Raphael’s arm had been. And he knew Raphael had the right to be mad, to be hurt. Because he’d betrayed them all those weeks ago to stop a war, and now he was here to fight one anyway.

That’s what hurts the most to Simon. Knowing that his betrayal and the endless heartbreak that came with it had all been for nothing. It didn’t prevent a war, it didn’t save everyone, it wasn’t worth it.

Because Raphael is still here, fighting next to Simon despite still not having forgiven him, and Simon knows he doesn’t deserve him. He’ll never deserve him.

Simon is fighting one of Valentine’s men, dodging his weapon like Raphael taught him to, when there’s a cry to his left.

Simon jerks his head. He wouldn’t have done it for _any_ scream. The night air is filled with them. This scream, however. This one, he recognizes.

Raphael was stabbed in the side by a Seraph blade. Though it will not kill him, it does injure him. The attacker wants to strike again, finish the job, but Simon is there in the blink of an eye and rips his head clean off. It drops to the ground at the same speed as the blade.

Simon is already starting to turn around with the plan to pull Raphael to his feet and firmly press their lips together in an epic, slow motion kiss in the midst of destruction. And he’s almost there, can see Raphael’s face and the way his eyes turn wide and he opens his mouth and –

“Simon!” He screams. Wait, that’s not right. Why is he screaming, why does he sound distressed? Simon wants to ask what’s wrong, but then –

The blade misses his heart by a millimeter. It doesn’t make him turn to ash like it would have if it had struck him there, but it still feels very fatal to him. Time seems to slow around him and he notices the most trivial things. Clary and Isabelle holding hands, back to back, surrounded by the enemy. Magnus casting a spell. Raphael’s hand, reached out to him in a way Simon wishes he’d done weeks before. The way the blade is pulled out of him.

And then.

There’s nothing.

 

 

It hadn’t been his plan to go to war.

Raphael is a reasonable man. He picks his battles right and he knows which ones will be good for them and which ones will only cause damage.

So, initially, he decides to sit through the Nephilim war. After all, why should he help them?

The answer is Simon.

The answer will always be Simon.

He tells his clan it is in their best interest to side with the Shadowhunters in their war against Valentine (“Or have you forgotten how many of us fell when Valentine ruled?” He insists at a gathering) and he guesses that’s true. But that is not why he’s sending his clan to battle.

He isn’t proud of it and will never admit it out loud. Because how could he be so selfish, so blinded by love, that he would send his entire clan to war to protect one meaningless fledgling, one who has betrayed them?

But the thought of Simon on the battlefield, surrounded by so much violence and death mere weeks after Raphael had to shake him out of horrible nightmares about exactly such things, eats Raphael alive. No matter how much Simon hurt him, no matter what he did, he can’t make him do this alone.

In his sixty year as a vampire, Raphael has fought a few battles – enough to know what to do. Enough to be able to keep his eye on Simon _and_ the enemy.

Simon doesn’t notice (like he never notices anything) but Raphael stays close to him at all times. If Simon moves up, Raphael does too. If he retreats, Raphael does the same. It’s almost like a twisted dance, Simon leading and Raphael following.

Two hours into battle, when bodies start littering the ground and his body aches with the loss of some of his clan members, he watches as Simon struggles to get the upper hand in a fight. The enemy is big and strong and Simon is, well, _Simon_ , despite the dangerous look in his eye. Raphael is momentarily distracted, contemplating whether to jump to his help or not, when a Seraph blade finds its home in his side.

Raphael cries out in pain and Simon looks at him. The next second, his attacker lies decapitated on the ground, his blood on Simon’s hands.

The fledgling ( _his_ fledgling, Raphael reminds himself) starts turning around and misses the new enemy running towards him, blade pointed to his heart. Raphael is too slow to react, can barely scream Simon’s name in warning before –

Raphael’s world crashes down around him as Simon does.

 

 

The first thing Simon notices when he wakes up is _pain._

That’s how he knows he isn’t dead. In death, there should be no pain. Unless he’s in hell, which would kinda explain why he feels like he’s burning from the inside.

He wants to move, shake off the feeling, but his limbs feel slow and heavy. He thinks _this is it for eternity_ , he thinks _Hell is a cruel place_ , and then he thinks _maybe I deserve it_.

But in hell, nobody would be grabbing his hand.

And that’s what’s happening right now.

Someone is stroking the back of his hand. Slow, soothing circles. It feels cool against his burning skin, and Simon tries to focus on the touch.

They start talking.

At first Simon thinks he’s dreaming. Or maybe he is in heaven after all and it’s an angel addressing him. But then the angel calls him an _idiota_ and, well, Raphael was named after an angel. So he wasn’t _totally_ wrong.

“Simon, I know you can hear me. Open your eyes, baby.”

If he’d been in any better shape, Simon would’ve commented on the use of _idiota_ and baby in the same sentence. But he’s tired and his skin is stinging and he can’t find the energy.

So instead, he just obeys.

Raphael looks horrible. There’s dried blood on his face and Simon wants to find whoever did that to him and kill them slowly and painfully, but then he realizes the dried blood is from tears he shed. Which is, _wow_. He’s never seen Raphael cry before. He looks tired, like he hasn’t slept in a decade. His lip is chopped from chewing it.

“Raphael?” Simon croaks.

“Hey, there,” Raphael greets with a watery smile. He looks like he’s gonna cry again.

“Wh – what happ -” Simon stutters. He tries to sit up, but Raphael gently pushes him back on the mattress.

“It’s okay, Simon. It’s over.”

“It is?”

“Yes. We won, but barely. You’re back at the Institute. You’re safe. You’re gonna be okay.” He says it more to himself than to Simon, Simon thinks. Raphael seems like he aged a hundred years in the time Simon was out.

“Are you?” He asks worriedly. Raphael barks a laugh.

“Are you seriously asking me if _I’m_ gonna be okay after you almost _died_?”

“Yeah, I am.”

Raphael shakes his head in disbelief. Simon realizes he’s still holding his hand and hopes he’ll never let go.

“I’m gonna be just fine,” Raphael reassures him.

“But you’re not allowed to go to battle ever again.”

Simon chuckles despite himself.

“I think I’m okay with that.”

Raphael laughs too, then. A real, relieved laugh. He squeezes Simon’s hand.

“I want you to come home,” he says eventually.

“Wh – what?”

“To the hotel. Come home with me, Simon.”

Simon swears he can feel his dead heart flutter in his chest.

“But the clan…”

“They will have to suck it up,” Raphael says firmly. Simon would comment on the choice of words if he hadn’t been so speechless.

“Are – are you sure?”

“I’ve never been more sure of anything in my entire life. I thought you _died_ , Simon. I held your body until the battle was over. And I cursed myself for not forgiving you sooner, for being so stubborn. God gave me a second chance when he decided to let you live. I’m not gonna waste it.”

Simon opens and closes his mouth in an attempt to form words. When that doesn’t happen, he just grips Raphael’s hand tighter.

They sit like that until Simon’s throat starts burning. Raphael briefly leaves his side to get him some blood, but is back before Simon can start missing his cool touch. He falls asleep with his head resting on Simon’s bed and his hand still holding his.

Simon doesn’t remember the last time he’s seen Raphael so peaceful.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank everyone constantly commenting on previous chapters, liking my writing and giving kudos. I might not reply to your comments, but I do read and cherish them all. I hope you'll all stick around to go through this (probably endless) story with me and you're all so greatly appreciated. I love you all a lot, okay?


	15. A kiss to keep a cover

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Simon had suggested it, Raphael had quickly dismissed the idea. He didn’t want to go on this mission in the first place, and he would rather walk into bright sunlight than to go on this mission wearing Simon’s clothes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for the kissing prompt: A kiss to keep a cover.
> 
> I just wrote this as an excuse for Raphael having to wear Simon's clothes.

Raphael doesn’t know why he keeps letting Simon talk him into stuff like this.

Honestly, he could be sitting at home reading a good book in bed. But instead, he’s darting from street to street with a way too smug Simon trailing behind him.

“Through here,” Simon says when they cross the street and Raphael wants to take a left turn. Simon grabs him by the arm to guide him through an alley and over a wall, coming onto a more dimly lit street.

Simon has a certain spring in his step despite the situation. It annoys Raphael to no end.

“Tell me,” he says, finally giving in to the urge to put a stop to Simon’s good mood, “why are you so happy when we’re about to go on a suicide mission?”

Simon shrugs and beams at him.

“Because I’m the one leading for once. And this was my plan, and you’re executing it without too much complaining. Which is pretty rare.”

Raphael cocks a bow.

“So you just like to be the dominant one?”

“Well, I’m gonna stop you right there before this takes a sexual turn, but yeah. It’s nice to have you actually follow me for once.”

The older vampire just rolls his eyes at him and motions for Simon to keep walking. The fledgling still has a spring to his step, but he’s more stealthy now that they’re approaching his old residence.

“Okay,” Simon says once they’re at his old house. There’s only a quick flash of old hurt on his face before he recomposes himself.

“Up you go.”

Raphael nods and climbs up the wall with ease, slipping into Simon’s old bedroom through the open window. He doesn’t even question why it’s _still_ open after Simon’s been living at the DuMort for almost a year now and just accepts it.

Simon is right behind him. He lingers outside his window for just a moment, taking in his old bedroom.

“Are you okay?” Raphael whispers. Simon darts his eyes from his old bed to Raphael’s face.

“Yeah,” he says slowly, as if he doesn’t believe it himself.

“It’s just weird coming back here after so long. My mom is right in the other room and I can’t go to see her.”

Raphael wants nothing more than to reach out to him, to rub soothing circles on his back and kiss the sadness away. But they’re on a mission and there’s no time for intimacy or feelings. So he just nods, offers Simon another glance and then turns towards his closet.

When Simon had suggested it, Raphael had quickly dismissed the idea. He didn’t want to go on this mission in the first place, and he would rather walk into bright sunlight than to go on this mission _wearing Simon’s clothes_.

But the undercover demon luring innocent Mundanes to their death in a newly opened club and blaming it on the vampires has a great sense of smell. He won’t let anyone who smells like a Child of the Night in his club, and if Raphael doesn’t do something about this murder spree soon, the Clave will blame him for killing Mundanes and probably kill him next.

So, really, as the leader of the New York Clan, he doesn’t have much of a choice.

Raphael makes a face at the shirts hung in the closet, all ranging from mildly ugly to just a plain abomination. He pulls out a shirt with Captain America’s face plastered all over it and seriously questions why he has a crush on this literal 12 year old, but then Simon walks up to him, snatches the shirt away and hands him one with Iron Man on it instead. And yeah, okay, Raphael has a crush on Simon because he _knows_ him. He never says anything about it and tries to pretend like he couldn’t care less about Marvel, but Simon somehow just _knows_ Tony Stark is his fave.

Simon hands him a pair of dark sweatpants and a hoodie to match, even convinces Raphael to wear his old Converse because ‘his million dollar shoes will probably get the demon’s attention’. Simon just dresses in one of his old pair of jeans and a flannel with a _Made in Brooklyn_ shirt underneath. It kinda irks Raphael that he looks more ridiculous than Simon and doesn’t even look at himself in the mirror before heading back outside.

Once on the curb, Raphael gets close to Simon to nose at his neck. The fledgling freezes in shock and is about to step back when Raphael beats him to it.

“Impressive,” Raphael says.

“You actually smell like a Mundane.”

“Right back at ya,” Simon replies, a weird expression on his face Raphael can’t quite place.

They quickly make their way to the club (which is called ‘Demonic Pleasure’ like it’s some kind of joke) before the scent wears off. Raphael wants to say he’s not nervous, that he’ll be able to distract the demon long enough for the Nephilim to sneak inside and kill it, but that would be a lie. Truth is, Raphael is _very_ nervous. He knows what this demon is capable of, and he knows what kind of Mundanes it usually goes for.

They’re lanky and nerdy and usually of the male sex.

They’re Simon.

Simon knows his part in the mission. He knows he’ll essentially be used as bait and he’s fine with it, but that doesn’t mean Raphael is. He wants nothing more than to haul the fledgling into his arms and run off, but he also knows there has to be put an end to the tyranny of this demon. He should be fine with using one of his own to save the many, and once, he would’ve been. But not anymore. Nobody will ever be more important than Simon, not even his entire clan.

But he has to suck it up and just stick to the plan. It will be fine. He’ll be there the entire time to make sure Simon doesn’t get hurt.

They wait in line outside until someone with a clipboard and sunglasses comes around and scans the crowd, picking people out here and there. They seem to be getting in early instead of having to wait in line. And, like expected, Raphael and Simon are picked out to enter the club early as well.

It’s loud inside. Not the kind nice of loud, where you can lose yourself in the music, but more intense, like it’ll get stuck in your brain. Raphael knows it’s a defense structure to protect the club from unwelcome Downworlders and he ignores the sudden nausea tugging in his guts. They’d known this would happen. They prepared, hadn’t fed since last night in case they would be sick. The nausea is there, but it’s bearable. He glances at Simon, who’s clenching and unclenching his jaw. Raphael reaches for his hand.

“Relax,” he orders him. He’s gonna blow their cover if he doesn’t. Simon tries to, takes a deep breath and hangs his shoulders, but Raphael can _see_ the tension radiating off him.

So he pulls him to the dancefloor in the hopes of him relaxing once he finds the right rhythm.

It doesn’t take long for the demon to notice them, and it doesn’t take long for Raphael to notice the demon. It’s in the body of an attractive man with bronze skin and dark hair. His eyes are just a bit too green to be human and his teeth just a bit too sharp when he darts out his tongue to lick his lips.

This is where the plan becomes dangerous. If they don’t succeed in this, if the demon doesn’t take enough interest in them to take them to its private chambers, they won’t stand a chance against it.

So Raphael pulls Simon close to him, grinds their hips together almost too dirtily. Simon realizes what he’s doing, drapes his arms over his shoulders to press Raphael’s mouth to his stretched neck.

Raphael’s fangs ache in his gums, but he urges them to stay in as he peppers Simon’s throat with kisses. He can feel the gaze of the demon linger on them. When he looks up from Simon’s pale skin, the demon is pointing towards them and talking to someone. The other man follows his finger, nods and makes his way through the crowd to reach them.

“There he comes,” Raphael mutters against Simon’s ear before pressing a kiss to his jaw.

The man is polite but urgent when he tells them Balthazar (‘the owner of the club’, he says as if that’s the highest title one can get) asked for them. Raphael and Simon play pleasantly surprised as best as they can, following the man through the crowd and down a hallway to the private chambers of the demon.

Balthazar is sitting on a red couch, a cocktail in his hand. He looks at them hungrily when they enter, pats the seat next to him. Raphael is sure to subtly tug Simon to his side and sit next to Balthazar himself so Simon doesn’t have to sit too close to the demon.

Balthazar starts talking, slow and seductively. Raphael isn’t even listening, can only focus on the warmth of Simon’s body next to his and the overwhelming instinct to _get the hell out of here_. He pretends to pay attention and even manages a laugh where there is expected one, but all he can think of is how long it’s taking those damn Shadowhunters to get in here.

And, as if they heard his thoughts, there’s a bang coming from somewhere in the club. Great, they couldn’t even be stealthy.

Balthazar turns around and moves to stand. Raphael panics, knowing that this is over if the demon senses the Shadowhunters before they can reach him. So he grabs his hand (and tries not to pull away in disgust when he can feel the demon curl and swirl underneath his touch) and pulls him back into his seat.

“Hey, Balthazar,” Raphael purrs as flirty as he can.

“I have something to show you.”

When he’s made sure he’s got Balthazar’s full attention, he turns to face Simon and crashes their lips together.

Simon has been quiet the entire time they’ve been here, probably too busy not trying to throw up or simply too intimidated to say something, but now he’s making small noises at the back of his throat as Raphael deepens the kiss. Simon’s long fingers tug at his hair, loosening some strands from his hair gel. Raphael groans, gets to his feet only to throw one of his legs over Simon’s lap and straddle him. Raphael’s hands are steady in Simon’s neck, but Simon’s are frantically moving over his body to touch and scratch and drag. At one point, he even pushes his hands underneath Raphael’s shirt and drags his blunt fingernails over his back. It makes Raphael make this _noise_ , somewhere between a whimper and a groan, and he knows the world could be crashing down around them and they’d still be holding Balthazar’s attention.

He can smell the demon’s arousal when he takes a sharp breath through his nose, thick and sweet like a body decomposing. Raphael is glad he doesn’t have to breathe.

Raphael and Simon kiss until the Shadowhunters _finally_ burst through the doors. Their lips are swollen and their fangs have dropped when they pull back and Raphael gets off Simon’s lap.

“Vampires!” The demon hisses. He lunges towards Simon but is impaled by a Seraph blade and disappears before he can put one finger on him.

Raphael snarls at the Shadowhunters for taking so long, for putting his and Simon’s life in danger. But he isn’t mad – not really. Not when he still feels Simon’s lips against his.

Simon is a little ball of energy on their way home, as per usual. He’s basically bouncing through the quiet streets with excitement.

“Oh man, that was so cool! We’re like Bones and Booth, or Mulder and Scully! Raphael and Simon, partners in crime forever. It has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it? We could totally be like Bones and Booth. You can be Bones – emotionally constipated and socially awkward – and I’ll be the heroic Booth, coming to s -”

“Okay, wow. I don’t know who those people are, but you are definitely _not_ the heroic one. Who came up with that distraction to give your Shadowhunter friends enough time to get in?”

Simon grimaces at him.

“You,” he admits.

“Correct.”

Simon pouts for about five seconds, but then he starts beaming again.

“Oh, by the way. Next time you want to kiss me, you don’t have to wait until we’re sent on a dangerous mission to do so.”

“Wh – what?” Raphael stutters smartly. He stops dead in his tracks and Simon turns around to face him.

“Yeah, you can totally kiss me just any time, if you want. And I know you do.”

“You _know_?”

“I’ve known for months! You’re not exactly good at hiding it.”

Raphael’s jaw drops and it takes him a moment to recompose. Then he gives Simon a shove.

“You knew I was into you for _months_ and let me suffer through it?!” He growls. Simon smiles sheepishly.

“I liked the idea of someone pining after me.”

“You – you are unbelievable. This stupid little crush is officially over. I don’t feel anything for you anymore,” Raphael huffs. He knows he’s being dramatic, but _god damn it._ Simon _knew_!

Simon snickers, grabs Raphael by the wrist and pulls him flush against his chest.

“Mind saying that again?” He wonders. His breath tickles Raphael’s cheek.

“I hate you,” Raphael mumbles, but then Simon presses his lips against his and all the reasons why he would hate Simon melt like ice and he melts into the touch, leaning heavily against Simon’s chest to stay upright.

“Just so you know,” Simon says once he pulls back, “you’re sitting through all eleven seasons of Bones once we get back to the hotel.”

“Did I already mention how much I hate you?”

Simon just grins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> question: do you guys prefer reading in Raphael's POV or Simon's and why? It's for future reference


	16. Meeting the family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raphael meets Simon's family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> anxious, nervous Raphael is really cute I adore him
> 
> Warning for vomiting (not explained explicitly)

Raphael can’t remember the last time he’s been this nervous.

He’s standing in front of his full-body mirror, looking at his reflection as he fidgets with the sleeves of his jacket. Isn’t this too much? Isn’t he overdressed? What if they think he’s a snotty vain asshole, not good enough for Simon? Maybe he should just wear jeans and a shirt. And maybe he should wear his hair naturally, the way Simon likes it. And maybe he should just blow this whole thing off and hide in bed for the rest of his immortal life.

But before he can talk himself into a full blown panic attack, there’s a soft knock on his door and a head peeking around it.

“Everything okay?” Simon asks as he steps inside.

“You’ve been in here for two hours.”

“I’m fine,” Raphael says, not sounding fine at all. Simon hears it too and walks over to him, standing right behind him to look at him in the mirror.

“What’s wrong?”

Raphael takes a shaky breath and turns around to face his boyfriend.

“What if your family hates me?” He blurts before he can stop himself. Simon’s eyes turn wide.

“Why would they hate you?”

“I don’t know. They could think I’m a pretentious bastard or maybe they’ll think I’ll hurt you or maybe I’ll just make a complete fool out of myself in front of them. I haven’t been in much contact with Mundanes since I got Turned, Simon. What if I screw up and –”

“Hey,” Simon urges, sliding his hands over Raphael’s arms, “stop. My mom and sister love me, okay? And if they see how happy I am and that you’re the reason for that, they’ll love you too. I  promise.”

Raphael exhales and nods.

“You sure I shouldn’t change into something more casual? It’s just a family dinner after a –”

But Simon cuts him off by pressing his lips against his, cupping Raphael’s neck with his hands. Raphael relaxes into the kiss, his worries melting away when Simon’s thumb strokes his cheek.

“Better?” Simon asks when he pulls back.

“Better,” Raphael breathes.

***

The first thing Raphael notices about Elaine Lewis is her eyes. They’re the same color as Simon’s – chocolate brown – and fierce with love and power. She reminds him of his mother in many ways. Both could probably kill a man just by looking at him and both hold a deep love for their children. It makes Raphael feel a bit more at ease.

When Elaine smiles, her eyes wrinkle around the corners. It makes her look slightly less powerful and more inviting.

“Simon!” She exclaims, pulling her son into a hug. Raphael momentarily freezes, scared that she’ll notice how cold her son feels against her chest, but she doesn’t say anything about it as she holds him on arm-length and looks him up and down.

“You look good,” she states.

“Where are your glasses?”

“I moved on to contacts,” Simon explains smoothly.

“Really? I thought you hated poking things in your eyes.”

Raphael chuckles.

“You should see him trying to get them in every morning.”

Elaine looks at Raphael, her smile only turning brighter.

“You must be Raphael! Oh, Simon has told me so much about you over the phone. You are indeed very handsome.”

“Mom!” Simon complains, a barely visible blush creeping up his face. Raphael thinks it’s adorable and can’t help but to reach for Simon’s hand to lace their fingers together.

Elaine’s eyes flicker to their hands and honestly, if she smiles any wider Raphael is afraid it’ll split her face in two. Then she motions for them to come inside, blabbering about Simon’s entire family wanting to come down to see him but Elaine having declined because she wanted Simon and his _boyfriend_ – she stretches the word almost proudly – all to herself. Simon rolls his eyes at Raphael behind her back, who has to bite back his grin.

Once in the dining room, Raphael is strategically placed in the chair opposite of Elaine’s, probably so she can interrogate him during the meal. Simon takes a seat next to him, their fingers still intertwined. He’s rubbing soothing circles on the back of Raphael’s hand and Raphael has never been so grateful to have him next to him.

“Simon!” A bodiless voice booms from somewhere in the house. There’s footsteps storming down the stairs and then a tornado dressed like a girl is twirling into the room, pulling Simon to his feet and into a hug at a speed that shouldn’t be possible for Mundanes.

“Hey, Becca,” Simon laughs. Raphael stands too to introduce himself. When Rebecca shakes his hand, she makes a face.

“Cold hands,” she says.

“Bad blood circulation,” Raphael apologizes. Rebecca nods and then sits down on the chair opposite of Simon, weaving her fingers together under her chin.

“So, Raphael,” she starts. Raphael’s stomach clenches uncomfortably.

“Simon’s never brought a boy home before. I didn’t even know he liked boys before he told us he was dating one. So you must be pretty special, right?”

“Uh,” Raphael says smartly. Simon jumps to his rescue.

“He is. So be nice.”

“I’m always nice! I’m just curious. I mean, obviously you’re wildly attractive and Simon is, well, _Simon_. So I’m just curious as to how you two fell in love.”

“Unbelievable. We’re not even having starters yet and you’re already insulting me and my looks.”

Raphael laughs and squeezes Simon’s hand before turning to his sister.

“We started as just roommates. And then friends, and then boyfriends, I guess. It’s a really typical story.”

Rebecca hums and wants to say something else, but then Elaine plants the starters on the table and starts asking different questions, about Raphael’s family and what he does for a living and if he has any hobbies. Raphael practiced the answers to all possible questions when he and Simon would lie in bed at night, repeating them over and over like he was studying for an exam. He has three older brothers (actually they’re younger, but he and Simon both agreed that it would be safer to lie about that just in case Elaine ever met them) and a grandma (who is actually his mother, but again, it would make more sense for a ninety six year old woman to be his grandmother than anything else). He’s the manager of a hotel downtown (which isn’t technically a lie), which raises some impressed eyebrows and the question how old he is.

“Twenty two,” Raphael says, like they practiced.

“Twenty two and already manager of a hotel? Impressive.”

“You just have to know the right people,” Raphael explains with a small smile. Then he continues to talk about his hobbies, which include fitness and reading. Rebecca chuckles at that, saying those couldn’t be more apart. Raphael just shrugs.

The evening goes way better than he expected. He cracks some jokes everyone laughs at, Elaine engages in a conversation with him when Simon and Rebecca are too busy insulting each other over the table and he even holds down the food he ate in order not to look rude. Elaine also brings out the photo albums, much to Simon’s distress. She proudly points at a younger version of her son holding a bucket at the beach, looking for Easter eggs in the park and in front of the gates of a school. His smile is almost as huge as it is now, only he had a few gaps in his mouth where new teeth were growing.

“I can’t wait to add some to the collection,” Elaine says cheerfully.

“Keeping a photo album is the best way of aging. You can truly see the progress you’ve made. Who knows, maybe Simon will grow a beard like his father’s when he turns thirty.”

Raphael can feel Simon tense next to him and he knows what he’s thinking. When he’s supposed to be thirty, he’ll still look like the eighteen year old boy he is today. If he were ever to raise a Mundane child, he will watch them age and die while he gets to live forever. He will stand at his mother’s funeral, hooded and hidden because there’s no explanation as to why her son would still look this young years down the line.

Raphael subtly laces their fingers together and Simon squeezes hard. One, two, three times. Raphael gets it and clears his throat, offering Elaine a bright smile.

“I’m terribly sorry, Ms. Lewis. But Simon and I should really get going now.”

“Really? So soon?”

“Yeah, I wish we could stay longer, but I have a meeting first thing tomorrow morning and I really want to make a good impression.”

Simon’s mother nods and stands. Raphael and Simon follow suit, letting themselves be guided to the front door.

Elaine pulls Simon in for a tight hug and then pulls Raphael to her chest as well.

“Take care of my boy,” she says softly.

“I will,” Raphael replies. He hasn’t said anything so sincere the entire night.

They wave their goodbyes and then head out, walking down the street until Elaine can’t see them anymore before Raphael turns around to face Simon.

“Are you okay?” He asks.

Simon shrugs, avoiding his gaze.

“I was just reminded that my mom will never watch me age or grow a beard or have children. That’s all.”

“Simon…”

“No, it’s fine,” Simon insists. “I mean, it’s not like I didn’t realize these things before. It’s just – hard, sometimes.”

“I know,” Raphael says. He wants to say it’ll get better, but he doesn’t want to lie. Truth is, it won’t. It still hurts to watch his nieces and nephews grow up as he stays the same, seeing the faces of his brothers age and wrinkle while his will forever be smooth. Immortal life is lonely. That’s why vampires seek a partner to share it with.

Raphael gives Simon a comforting kiss, squeezing his hand once more before letting go.

“I had a really fun time,” he says as they start walking again.

“Yeah? Told you so. My family probably already loves you.”

“I’m not sure about that, but they are pretty nice.”

Simon hums in agreement.

When they get back to the hotel, Raphael throws up all undigested food he consumed tonight. Simon sits with him and strokes his back, and when he tells him this is the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for him, Raphael snickers around his gags.

“That’s pretty pathetic.”

“What I mean, Mr. Asshole, is that you willingly put yourself in this situation just to please my family. So thank you.”

Raphael spits in the toilet and sits back.

“You know I’d put myself in _any_ kind of situation for you.”

“I’d totally kiss you right now, but you understand why I won’t, right?”

Raphael nudges him in the ribs and stands.

“Wait till I brushed my teeth.”

“I will.”

Raphael gives him a small smile in the mirror and reaches for his tooth brush.

“I love you, Raph,” Simon says, pressing a light kiss to his neck.

“Love you too.”


	17. Giggly kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s becoming more and more impossible to just keep silently pining after Raphael. He’d been doing it the entire year, silently admiring his sharp features from across classrooms and study halls and table tops, occasionally talking to him when he felt confident enough and was sure he wouldn’t act like a total loser. And if that horrible man wears one more tight leather jacket in combination with a white shirt and skinny jeans… Simon might not even make it through the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for mild drug use (weed)!

Summer is rolling around in Brooklyn, which means Simon can finally close his books, clean up his nest in the library and be free for a few months.

It almost feels like arriving on a different planet once he finally steps foot out of the library. No more essays, finals, group projects or assignments to worry about. No more back pain from sitting in the same position for hours on end, no more jealous scrolling through Instagram to see Clary and Izzy already chilling at a beach because they finished finals a week before Simon.

Finally it’s just him, the sun, and his skateboard.

Oh, and Jace. Damn it, Wayland.

It’s not that Simon particularly _dislikes_ the blond, it’s just that… well, maybe he does dislike him a tiny bit. He doesn’t know if it’s because Clary used to drool over him when Simon was still drooling over her before Clary realized she liked drooling over girls more or because he’s just an overall narcissistic pain in the ass, but something about him just irks Simon.

And yet, he’s too nice to kindly ask Jace to fuck off when he asks if they can skate together.

Plus, Jace has some pretty cool friends, who in their turn have some pretty cool friends. Emphasis on _pretty_.

“So, a party,” Simon recaps on the third day of summer break, when he and Jace are just casually skating around on the streets.

The blond nods, pushing himself off the ground before placing his foot back on his skateboard.

“Yeah, some kind of Start Of The Summer celebration. You know Magnus. He’ll get an excuse to throw a party any day.”

“Mhh, and he wants me to come?”

“What kind of question is that? Of course he does. Especially because _Raphael_ is gonna be there. Who, by the way, specifically asked if you were gonna come too before accepting the invitation.”

Simon’s cheeks start burning up and he gives Jace a shove to hide his blush. Jace just laughs.

To be honest, Simon is surprised not everyone and their grandma knows about his crush on Raphael Santiago. His friends tease him about it all the time and considering Magnus is basically Raphael’s bff, he’s surprised he hasn’t told him yet.

But Magnus swore on the life of his cat that he hadn’t told Raphael a thing and well, you can’t really argue with that.

“Are you finally gonna make a move on him tonight?” Jace wonders as they round a corner.

“Alec and I made a bet and if you don’t make a move on him tonight I owe that bastard ten dollars. So, do it for me?”

“I don’t know, Jonathan. I’ve always liked Alec better than you. Maybe I’ll just pine after Raphael forever and ever just to spite you.”

“Oh, shut up.”

Simon shoves him again and pushes him off his skateboard, taking the opportunity to speed away.

No matter how much he’d enjoy getting the opportunity to fuck with Jace, it’s becoming more and more impossible to just keep silently pining after Raphael. He’d been doing it the entire year, silently admiring his sharp features from across classrooms and study halls and table tops, occasionally talking to him when he felt confident enough and was sure he wouldn’t act like a total loser. And if that horrible man wears one more tight leather jacket in combination with a white shirt and skinny jeans… Simon might not even make it through the night.

And, so yeah. If Raphael is coming to Magnus’ party, Simon _really_ doesn’t have an excuse not to go.

That’s how he finds himself in front of Magnus’ loft that Friday night, nervously fidgeting with the hem of his shirt before Jace nudges him in the ribs and urges him to get inside. Simon takes a deep breath, rolls his shoulders and slips through the door.

There are a lot of people.

Like, it shouldn’t be possible for that many people to move freely inside a loft. But, because Magnus is filthy rich and can probably also do magic, there’s room for everyone and it isn’t even that hot inside. That probably has to do with the fact that the huge glass doors leading to an even bigger balcony are thrown open wide so the fresh night air can get inside.

Simon briefly takes the time to find Magnus to say hello and then starts looking for Raphael embarrassingly fast. Honestly, he should just chill for a bit. Chat with Alec, have a couple of drinks, dance with Maureen. Let Raphael come to him.

But Simon is just _dying_ to find out what Raphael is wearing tonight and he feels confident enough to say hello and not stumble over every syllable and that will probably change once he’s had a few drinks so it’s really important to find Raphael right now immediately. Life or death important.

So he pushes his way through the crowd, past people holding red cups and swaying to the music and talking or kissing, downstairs. A year ago, Simon would’ve been irrationally angry that a loft would have two stories. What kind of loft has two stories? Magnus’ loft. That’s the answer. Of course it is.

As  he descends the stairs the smell of weed immediately hits him.

Simon isn’t a saint. He just finished his freshman year of college, he knows what drugs are. He also knows what it feels like to be high and he kinda wants to get high now that he knows this is an option. So he gets downstairs and looks around, gazing through the thin curtain of smoke already forming.

Of course Meliorn is already hitting the blunt. Simon didn’t expect any less from an Environmental Studies Major. There are a few other people he vaguely recognizes, like Lily and Maya. But, to his surprise, sitting in a corner all the way to the left –

“Raphael!” Simon exclaims. Raphael looks up and a lazy smile spreads across his face when he sees Simon standing there.

“ _Hola_ , Simon,” he grins when Simon plops down next to him. He doesn’t look high yet, but he does look more relaxed than usual. He’s already stripped out of his jacket, which is neatly folded over a chair, and Simon tries not to stare at his biceps too much.

“How you doin’,” Simon says coolly. He even gives a jerk of his head like Joey Tribbiani from Friends. Jesus. He hopes Raphael is too high to notice how much of a loser he is.

Unfortunately for him, Raphael raises an unimpressed eyebrow.

“Are you high already?” He wonders.

“Unfortunately not,” Simon mutters under his breath. Raphael still seems to hear him though, because he chuckles and reaches out to the coffee table to roll a joint.

His fingers are quick and experienced as he rolls the joint and then lets it dangle between his lips as he searches himself for a lighter. Simon is quick to whip out his own lighter and hand it to him.

Raphael offers him a smile before lighting the joint, taking a drag and handing it to Simon next.

They share the joint between them, lazily handing it back and forth while talking about their plans for the summer. Raphael is starting work at a hotel this Monday and is going to Mexico in August, while Simon will probably be stuck at the coffee shop he works at the entire summer. Raphael tries to cheer him up by promising he’ll drop by every day before his night shift, and it honestly makes Simon feel a lot better.

They quickly roll a second and then a third joint, the topics of conversation shifting from innocent summer plans to the hook ups they had in their first year of college and all the hook ups they wish they’d had.

“You know, at one point I totally wanted to hook up with you,” Raphael says matter-of-factly after having taken a long drag from the joint. Simon’s fingers freeze mid-air before he takes the joint from the other boy.

“But you’re straight, so…” Raphael shrugs, throwing a chip in the air to catch it in his mouth. Simon just stares at him slack-jawed.

“I – I’m not… straight,” he stutters.

Raphael lets his gaze slowly drift back to him.

“You’re not? Well, this is an interesting development,” he says smugly. Simon feels like he just got struck by lightning. Is he – is he _flirting_ with him?

But instead of elaborating on the subject, Raphael just yanks the joint from between Simon’s fingers and takes another drag, playfully blowing the smoke in Simon’s face.

Simon just stares at his lips, at the perfect ‘o’ they form when Raphael exhales. His mind is getting slow and foggy and it’s hard for him to focus on Raphael’s eyes again.

The weird moment between them fades when someone Simon doesn’t know sits down next to Raphael and starts talking to him. Simon finishes the joint on his own, considering Raphael is too busy chatting with the other person, and moves to stand when it seems like they’ll be engaged in a long conversation when Raphael’s hand shoots up to grab his wrist.

“Hey, don’t leave,” he says softly. Simon immediately sinks back into the couch.

Raphael dismisses the person next to him and turns back to Simon, a mischievous smile on his face that makes Simon feel like he swallowed butterflies.

“Anyway, do you know what a shotgun kiss is?” Raphael asks out of the blue.

“Wh – I – _yeah_ ,” Simon breathes.

Raphael raises an eyebrow again.

“Wanna try it?” He suggests.

Simon wants to respond, but the words seem to get stuck in his throat. He makes a weird sound, one he’d be embarrassed about if he weren’t high, and has about enough control over his body to nod.

“Cool,” Raphael grins, and then he’s swinging a leg over Simon’s lap and sits down and suddenly he’s _straddling_ him and wow this is not how Simon imagined the night to go. It’s a good development though. Very good.

Raphael reaches behind him to get another joint and Simon tries to swallow a weird noise when he feels Raphael’s thighs press against his. Once Raphael is facing him again, a lit joint between his lips this time, a weird bubbly feeling rises in Simon’s chest. He feels like he can’t breathe and like he’s gonna explode or cry or both and then he’s _giggling,_ so sudden and random Raphael makes a concerned face at him.

“What’s so funny?” He wonders, and Simon doesn’t even _know_. He’s just so high and Raphael is sitting in his lap and is about to kiss him and _shit_. Yeah.

“Nothing, nothing!” Simon hiccups.

“It’s just – I, uh. I never thought you’d be a lap sitter. I always thought people sat on _your_ lap.”

“I can get off,” Raphael says flatly, already moving to stand. But Simon’s hands shoot up to his sides to keep him in place.

“No, no! It’s cool. I like it. Sorry, I’m just… really high.”

Raphael rolls his eyes at him.

“You’re a nerd,” he states, and then he takes a drag and keeps the smoke inside his lungs, moving towards Simon’s lips.

Simon is still giggly, laughing against his lips before Raphael growls and presses their lips together and Simon forgets what was funny again because _Raphael is kissing him_. The other boy exhales into his mouth as Simon inhales, pulling back momentarily to give Simon the opportunity to exhale as well.

Raphael repeats the action a few more times and Simon gets less giggly and more into it every time he presses their lips together. His hands are gripping at Raphael’s sides harder now and one of Raphael’s hands is cupping the back of his neck, holding the joint in the other one.

And then he seems to just… forget the still burning joint and starts _properly_ making out with Simon once Simon has gotten rid of the smoke in his lungs. He licks into his mouth and bites his lip and even grinds down onto him and _fuck_ , Simon may be high but he’s still awake enough to know that this is _really happening_.

He’s also pretty sure they would’ve been making out the entire night if the joint didn’t burn up and burn Raphael’s finger, making him pull back with a yelp and angrily shake his hand.

Simon feels dazed when he looks up at Raphael’s scrunched up face. The world feels slow and fuzzy around him, but everything about Raphael is clear and sharp. He doesn’t want to stop kissing all the sharp features of the beautiful boy in his lap, so he takes the hand Raphael burned and presses a kiss to the spot where the joint burned him.

Raphael looks down at him, lips slightly parted and cheeks tainted pink. He watches closely as Simon kisses every finger and then the palm of his hand, moving to his wrist, forearm, elbow and eventually shoulder and neck. He tilts his head for him to reach his throat, lets Simon kiss his jaw and finally his lips again.

They don’t take it any further than some lazy making out, partly because they’re too high to do anything else and partly because they both know this won’t be the last time they kiss.

Simon doesn’t even feel bad when Alec loses the bet and Jace thanks Simon for making him ten bucks richer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I haven't been updating as frequently but finals are coming up and I've been really stressed and busy and also struggling with my mental health but!!! I hope you all enjoyed this chapter and I have a pretty big Saphael fic (think 20k+) coming up at the end of June so be sure to look out for that one!


	18. Spin the bottle kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raphael doesn't like Simon's friends. Simon thinks a good ol' game of spin the bottle will solve this problem.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for underage drinking I guess bc y'all Americans are only allowed to drink at 21.

 

Simon usually is pretty proud of the fact that a lot of people seem to like him. He was always surrounded by a large group of people in high school, laughing at his jokes and listening to his stories. He didn’t really consider them _friends_ , but they were nice to have around. Even in college, where he started off not knowing anyone, he quickly found himself at an overfull lunch table with lots of people to chat with.

So yeah, he normally sees his social skills and endearing awkwardness as a gift.

But, as it turned out, it can also be a curse.

You see, Simon has a few friend groups. He has Clary, Izzy, Alec, Jace and Lydia in one of those groups and Raphael, Magnus, Lily and Maia in another one. Which would be cool if Simon didn’t want those two groups to _merge into one_. And even that wouldn’t be such a problem if only Raphael didn’t hate the biggest part of the Clary group besides Alec, and that’s only because Magnus is Alec’s boyfriend and also Raphael’s best friend. So he’s kinda forced to like the kid.

He isn’t forced to like the others, though. So he doesn’t. Even when Simon begs him to be nice or just tag along on one of their nights out or just sit through a movie night with the gang. He usually doesn’t do any of those things and when he does he just pouts the entire night and talks solely to Simon and Magnus, barely even glancing at the others.

But the universe grants every person a special day each year in which they can exploit their friends and get away with it, and it’s called a birthday.

So Simon decides to throw a house party for his nineteenth birthday and invites all of his friends. He knows Raphael will show up, even if that means having to be in the same room as Simon’s other friends. The plan is kinda waterproof, if he does say so himself. He’s going to gather them all in one room, play some party games and hopefully they’ll bond over ridiculous dares and spin-the-bottle-kisses.

Clary is the first to arrive, as per usual. She helps Simon put everything up, makes sure there’s enough illegal alcohol and snacks and sorts out the music. She also makes sure there’s a bowl of condoms in the bathroom – just in case. Simon glares at her when she puts them in, but Clary just reminds him of a girl in their high school who got knocked up at a house party and she’d like that to _not_ happen at this one.

“Better to be safe than sorry,” she shrugs before tossing the now empty box in the trash.

Simon can’t really argue with that, so he just leaves the bowl of condoms where it is. He’s just happy his mother isn’t home to see. He also makes sure all the expensive and/or embarrassing things are removed out of his room so that horny couples won’t steal anything or make fun of him for owning a growling Chewbacca mask.

The party starts at 10, so naturally the first people start dripping in at 10:30. They’re mostly high school friends, each bringing either beer or other alcoholic beverages as a ‘present’. Simon is fine with it. He guesses he’ll have to get Raphael pretty wasted before he’ll agree to stay in the same room as Clary and co.

Magnus and Alec arrive around 10:45 and Magus looks a bit disappointed when he sees there aren’t that many people here yet.

“What’s the point of being fashionably late if there’s nobody here to see it?” He pouts. Alec just chuckles and presses his lips against his temple for a second before pulling him into the kitchen to fix them a drink.

Izzy, Jace and Lydia arrive an hour too late. Simon makes a comment about it, to which Jace replies he had to wait for two girls to get ready.

“You literally spent an entire hour in the bathroom,” Lydia counters with a small, fond smile.

“Yeah well, I have to work to look like this. You are just a natural beauty.”

Lydia’s cheeks turn pink and Izzy rolls her eyes at the couple before making her way to Simon to give him a present.

“Only open it when the party is finished!” She demands.

“Okay then. Is it something really secretive?” Simon questions.

“Like codes to some rockets or a free trial of 4D internet?”

“No, loser. I just don’t want to start a gift parade where you have to fake liking half of the things people give you. No offense, Si, but you’re not the best actor in the world. I don’t want you to hurt people’s feelings.”

“How very considerate of you.”

“Consideration is my middle name,” she smiles.

She steals Clary from him to talk to some mutual friends and Jace and Lydia disappear too, holding hands as they go. Simon internally shakes his head at them, remembering how they used to dance around each other until Lydia finally took the first step.

Simon darts from group to group for a while, chatting with people and making sure everyone has drinks. He’s getting worried Raphael won’t show up at all anymore, considering the fact that Lily and Maia are here already. He’s just planning to go to his house and drag him here himself when the doorbell rings.

Simon makes a face at nobody in particular because people don’t normally use the doorbell to let everyone know they’ve arrived. They usually just text Simon to come open the door or get in themselves when the door is ajar.

But Raphael is kinda old fashioned when it comes to things like this, so Simon already knows it’s him standing on the other side of the door before opening it.

Simon’s smug grin falters when he sees the other boy.

Raphael is wearing a tight fitting, white shirt, sleeves rolled up till halfway his shoulders. He’s wearing leather pants underneath it and heavy combat boots. When Simon looks him in the face, he notices he’s also put on a thin line of eyeliner.

“ _Hola_ ,” he greets before pushing past Simon to get inside.

“You’re late,” Simon accuses once he’s recomposed himself.

Raphael narrows his eyes at him. It doesn’t have its usual slightly threatening effect with the eyeliner and looks more beautiful than anything, but Simon tries to ignore that in favor of their friendship.

“My sincere apologies,” Raphael says drily. Then he holds up a bag Simon hadn’t noticed before and hands it to him.

“Happy birthday, by the way.”

“Thanks, dude. I’ll open it after the party, alright?”

Raphael shrugs as if he couldn’t care less and then follows Simon to the kitchen so he can get him a drink. He looks around the room as they walk and Simon nudges him in the ribs.

“They’re all here somewhere,” he warns.

“Great,” Raphael mutters.

Simon had asked him why he disliked his other friends only once. Raphael had turned bright red and had muttered something about just ‘getting a bad vibe from them’. Magnus, who’d been present during their conversation, had giggled and said: “You’re just jea – ” But had been abruptly cut off by Raphael slapping him on the shoulder. Simon hadn’t asked since then.

Simon fixes Raphael a drink and makes sure to hang around with him the most. He loves Clary and the others, but Raphael always seem to have his undivided attention at social events. He just feels more calm when he’s with him, less anxious. Raphael usually looks so utterly bored and unimpressed it makes Simon feel like he doesn’t have a thing to worry about.

They dance together as the night progresses and people start getting drunk. Simon even makes Raphael laugh when he executes one of his Special Dance Moves and trips over his own feet. Raphael catches him before he can fall on the floor, laughing so hard he almost smudges his eyeliner.

Simon giggles and reaches out to wipe a tear from Raphael’s lower eyelid before it can drip and ruin his make-up. Raphael freezes, his eyes scanning Simon’s face as Simon’s thumb strokes his cheek. The tear is long gone but Simon can’t seem to be able to pull back his hand.

They’re standing still in the middle of the dancefloor, just staring at each other. Simon thinks he might move forward and kiss him, but then an arm is being thrown around their shoulders and Magnus’ face appears between them.

“You two don’t look nearly drunk enough!” He says cheerfully. Raphael gives him a shove, to which Magnus just laughs.

“You’re such a grumpy cookie. Let’s get some more alcohol inside you, Santiago.”

He winks at Simon and then drags Raphael with him. The other boy lets him, even though Simon is pretty sure he could easily free himself if he wanted to.

Oh well. More alcohol does sound appealing.

***

Simon manages to gather his closest friends in one room later that night, all ranging from different degrees of tipsiness. They’re sitting on the living room floor, other people occasionally glancing their way but not coming to join them.

“Okay!” Simon exclaims as he claps his hands to get everyone’s attention.

“Let’s play some party games, yeah?”

Jace whoops in agreement and Simon gets an empty bottle from the coffee table.

“You’re all familiar with spin the bottle, right?” He asks. He gets some confirmative sounds and cheers in return.

“Before we begin, nobody has a problem with casual kissing, right? Like, Alec and Magnus won’t break up because they kissed someone else here, right?”

“Nah, we’re cool,” Magnus grins. Jace and Lydia nod too, being the only other couple in the group.

“Right, let’s do this then!”

Simon is the first to spin the bottle, considering it’s his birthday. It lands on Izzy and they share an awkward quick peck between them before Isabelle bursts out laughing.

It’s Izzy’s turn next and the game goes on like that for a while. The bottle doesn’t land on Simon anymore and he starts losing attention to the game, getting more and more aware of Raphael sitting between him and Magnus. He hasn’t said anything since they started the game, but he doesn’t look as grumpy as usual. Simon figures it must be the alcohol.

“Everything alright?” He asks when Jace and Lydia share a sweet kiss.

Raphael looks up at him, cheeks red and eyes slightly dazed with alcohol.

“I’m pretty good. I just hope the bottle lands on you when I get to spin it,” he says with smug grin. Simon can feel his own cheeks burn up.

And, almost like he can predict it, the bottle lands on Raphael next. Magnus moves dangerously close to his lips before making a face and kissing him on the nose instead, muttering something about Raphael being like his son and he can’t possibly kiss him (Alec points out Magnus is only one year older than Raphael, to which Magnus just makes a vague hand gesture).

Raphael confidently spins the bottle. Simon’s heart is hammering in his chest as he watches it and then stops beating completely when it eventually lands on him.

He turns to face Raphael, who is still smirking. His throat suddenly feels really dry.

Raphael moves forward, capturing Simon’s lips with his own. Simon’s hand slides up Raphael’s neck almost involuntarily, deepening the kiss like he forgot where he is and what he was doing.

“Okay, this is getting awkward,” Jace eventually says, when Simon and Raphael are _still_ kissing.

“Yeah,” Isabelle agrees.

“Get a room.”

“There are condoms upstairs!” Clary says helpfully.

Simon pulls back to glare at his best friend and moves away from Raphael after pecking him on the lips one last time.

“I’m done playing,” he decides. Raphael agrees with him.

The others cheer obnoxiously when the two boys stand and Simon reaches for Raphael’s hand to guide him away. They end up back in the kitchen, where Raphael leans against the counter and reels Simon in for round two.

“You know,” he says between kisses, “I’m starting to like your other friends more.”

“Yeah?” Simon breathes against his lips.

“And why’s that?”

“Because you’re kissing me and not Clary or Isabelle.”

Simon pulls back just enough to smile at him.

“You’re cute when you’re jealous.”

“Shut up.”

Raphael connects their lips again, letting his hands slide over Simon’s back and settling on his sides.

Simon had started this night with the plan to merge two friend groups together, but as Raphael licks into his mouth, he knows this is way better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: *puts background Jace/Lydia in every fic I write ever*
> 
> Also I love Raphael wearing leather pants and eyeliner a lot!!!!


	19. Things you said when you thought I was asleep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raphael takes Simon on his first hunt. Things go south.

Calling Simon’s first hunt a disaster would be an understatement.

In Simon’s defense, he didn’t even want to go. He would be perfectly content just sipping blood from fancy cocktail glasses for the rest of his life without thinking too much about where it came from and how the clan got it, but Raphael is a merciless mentor who’s probably also missing his heart and forced Simon into going with them.

Okay, _forced_ is a strong word. Simon knows Raphael can be harsh, but he would never force him to do something he didn’t want to do. He just so happens to be really persuasive, gently convincing Simon that going hunting would be a good idea until Simon thought the idea to go on a hunt with them was his own. It’s only now, as they’re roaming the dark streets, that he realizes Raphael played him.

And though the sly part of him is impressed, the coward part of him is _furious_.

“This was a bad idea,” he mutters to nobody in particular, and yet at least four vampires stop and turn around to glare at him. Simon feels himself shrink ten sizes.

“Sorry,” he whispers sheepishly, and then they’re moving again, darting from alley to alley and carefully avoiding street lights.

Simon doesn’t get why they have to be so sneaky. They could just be a group of people on their way to a club or just hanging out. There’s no need to be so mysterious. They could easily just chill in Central Park and wait for a lonely jogger to run past, but instead they’re acting like reincarnations of Dracula himself. He shouldn’t be surprised, considering how dramatic Raphael likes to be. Simon swears he once caught him sitting around in silk ropes sipping from a big wine class, but Raphael has been denying that statement ever since.

As if he’d been called, Raphael falls back in the formation to walk next to Simon.

“Are you nervous?” He wonders.

“Of course I am! How does this even work? Do we just – gang up on someone and drain them of their blood? And then what? Leave them on the streets, dump their body in the river?”

Raphael looks at him big-eyed and holds up a hand to stop him. Then he pulls Simon away from the others, who don’t even notice their leader and the new fledgling are gone.

“Simon, we’re not _murdering_ someone. That’s not how it goes.”

“Then how _does_ it go?”

“My god, have you really not been paying attention to _anything_ I told you these past couple of weeks?”

“This isn’t the time for a lecture on my concentration issues, Raphael! I’m freaking out here!”

Raphael’s expression softens as he puts a hand on Simon’s shoulder. Simon has come to realize that Raphael’s touch often calms him. He doesn’t know if it’s a Clan Leader Thing or if it’s something more personal than that, but he feels himself relax nevertheless.

“Hey, it’s okay. I freaked out on my first hunt too. Look, I promise it’ll run smoothly and nobody will get hurt. You’re coming with me. I’ll find you someone, use my encanto so you can drink from them in peace. I will make sure you don’t kill them, I swear. It’ll be fine, Simon. Just relax.”

Simon takes a deep, shaky breath and nods.

“Okay. Okay, that sounds – that sounds good. Just… please stay with me.”

Raphael offers him a rare, soft smile. Simon is amazed every time he does that and wishes he could look at him like that forever.

“I’m not going anywhere. Come on, let’s find you a nice Mundane to feed on. Do you prefer male or female?”

Simon giggles nervously.

“I’m pansexual. I don’t care,” he jokes. Raphael rolls his eyes at him an mumbles something inaudible under his breath before dragging Simon with him on the streets.

There’s no sign of the rest of the clan, but Simon figures they’ll be fine without their leader. They go hunting without Raphael all the time, so there shouldn’t be a problem. He’s just glad Raphael is here with him tonight instead of giving another clan member the responsibility to make sure Simon feeds. He doesn’t think anyone could make him feel so at ease as Raphael can.

They end up casually walking into a club. The guard outside doesn’t even ask for their ID’s, which has never happened to Simon before. He blames it on Raphael’s weird ability to hypnotize people by gazing into their eyes.

Raphael takes his hand once they’re inside and Simon almost pulls back in shock, but then Raphael calmly explains he just doesn’t want him to go wandering into the crowd and, well, to be fair, Simon _is_ kind of a wanderer, so this makes perfect sense. It also doesn’t feel _that_ bad to hold Raphael’s hand.

“Okay,” Raphael says once they’re on the dancefloor, “see anyone you like?”

“What do you mean?”

Raphael gives him his best deadpan expression before pulling him closer by the hips and moving their bodies to the music.

“See anyone you want to feed off? It’s not really necessary to find someone physically attractive to do so, but it’s always nice to drink from a good looking person.”

“Oh,” Simon says drily before moving his eyes over the crowd. There are a lot of sweaty bodies pressed together, moving almost obscenely. To be honest, the only person in here he finds attractive is Raphael, but he won’t get a lot of nutrition from his blood. Sexual pleasure, yes. Energy? Not so much.

“I guess that girl is alright,” he eventually says, jerking his chin to a blonde girl sitting at the bar. She’s sipping from a drink as she watches people dance.

“Cool. Come on, then,” Raphael urges. He pulls Simon away from the dancefloor to the girl.

“Hi,” he says once they reach her. The girl looks at him and immediately perks up, putting her drink away without breaking eye contact.

“Hi,” she greets, “I’m April. And you are…?”

Raphael smiles. Not one of his soft, tender smiles usually reserved for Simon, but a flirty, handsome smile. Simon kinda wishes he would smile at him like that more often.

“I’m Raphael. And this is my friend Simon.”

The girl looks from Raphael to Simon and perks up even more. Only a few months ago, girls wouldn’t look twice at him when someone like Raphael was standing right next to him, but vampirism changed Simon’s looks for the better. And the leather jacket he’s wearing probably helps some, too.

“Hi, Simon. How are you tonight?”

Simon swallows thickly before stammering a reply. Raphael sighs dramatically and nudges Simon to step closer to April.

“Simon here was wondering if you wanted to dance,” Raphael explains.

“Sure. But only if you join us.”

That seems to catch Raphael off guard. Simon thinks he will kindly decline because Raphael isn’t interested in girls, but then the other boy reaches out his hand and pulls April on the dancefloor, followed by Simon.

April places herself between Raphael and Simon, facing Raphael and pressing her back against Simon’s front. Then she starts dancing to the music, swaying her hips and putting Simon’s hands on her sides.

Simon thought a lot of things would happen tonight, but being involved in a threeway dance in some kind of club with Raphael wasn’t one of them.

When he looks over April’s head to glance at Raphael, he sees that he looks slightly uncomfortable. Simon has never seen him dance with a girl – on the rare occasion that they both went to a club with the clan Raphael either spent his time at the bar or occasionally danced with some boy.

It doesn’t take long for the clan leader to recompose himself and look April in the eye. Simon can feel her body still as Raphael uses his encanto on her and then hears him ask her to expose her neck. Then he looks at Simon.

“All yours, buddy.”

Simon suddenly feels nervous. What if he isn’t able to stop? What if he drains her from all her blood right here on the dancefloor? What if he kills this innocent girl because he couldn’t control himself? What if –

“Simon,” Raphael says flatly.

“You got this. I’m here with you and I trust you. I trust that you know when to stop. Go for it.”

Simon nods curtly, takes one last breath and lets his fangs drop so he can sink them in April’s neck.

April makes a soft noise when Simon breaks skin. She falls against his chest as he drinks, moaning quietly under his touch. Simon knows this’ll look like he’s sucking a hickey in her neck to other people thanks to glamours, so at least he doesn’t have to worry about being seen.

Now the only thing he has to worry about is whether he’ll be able to stop.

Turns out he doesn’t even need to worry about it. before he can even fully enjoy the taste of fresh, warm blood, a piercing scream snaps him out of his intoxication. He jerks back his head so suddenly that he can’t even lick the wound closed, causing blood to drip down her neck.

Raphael is quick to react, dragging his tongue over the blood and the wound to close it. Then he gently guides April to the nearest walls she can lean against and wants to say something to Simon when there’s another scream.

Raphael’s head automatically snaps to the sound and Simon follows his gaze, just in time to spot a fast figure blurring between bodies.

“A vampire?” Simon asks.

“A rogue vampire,” Raphael replies between clenched jaws.

“Simon, you have to get out of here. It’s not safe for you.”

“What? Why not?”

“Rogue vampires don’t just feed on Mundanes. They like a nice fledgling every once in a while too. And trust me when I tell you your blood smells irresistible.”

“I’m not leaving, Raphael.”

“Yes, you are. That’s an order.”

“But – ”

“Go!” He pushes Simon away right before the rogue vampire appears in front of them. Simon is sent flying by the strength Raphael put in the shove, landing behind the bar next to a bewildered bartender.

Simon groans as he gets up, pulling shards of glass out of his back from the bottles he landed on.

“My friend will pay for that,” he tells the bartender before he jumps over the counter.

Pure chaos has erupted on the dancefloor. People are running to the exits, tripping and falling over each other to get away from the fight happening. Simon just hopes it looks somewhat human to the glamoured eyes of Mundanes, because to his non-Mundane eyes it looks anything but.

Raphael and the rogue vampire blur as they fight, moving so fast it’s hard to follow even for Simon. Raphael manages to throw the rogue vampire against a wall, but it’s back on his feet in the blink of an eye, hissing loudly at the clan leader.

A sense of protectiveness washes over Simon when he notices Raphael is bleeding. Deep red blood is dripping from his fingertips on the ground, probably from a wound somewhere near his shoulder.

The rogue vampire gets ready to attack again, but right before it flings itself towards Raphael, Simon is there to push him out of the way.

“Simon, no!” Raphael screams as the rogue vampire sinks its fangs in Simon’s neck.

Simon has heard of vampires feeding off each other. It usually has something to do with sexual pleasure and he’s often thought about letting Raphael drink from him, but he’d never thought it would feel like _this_. This isn’t pleasurable at all. It feels like burning, like poison being injected into him. He can’t help but scream in pain, begging for someone to get it off as it sucks away his strength.

His sight seems to be vanishing, turning dark around the corners. His other senses start to fade as well, starting with his hearing. He faintly hears Raphael call his name, but he seems far away.

And then the weight is lifted off his chest as the rogue vampire vanishes in thin air, only leaving some dust. He can make out a shape bent over him, tall and broad, holding something that appears to be a Seraph blade.

“Simon?” Someone says. The voice is familiar, but Simon doesn’t know who it belongs to.

“Simon, it’s going to be okay. Stay awake. I’m taking you to Magnus. Just stay awake.”

And he tries, he truly does, but then his head lulls to the side and he can make out Raphael’s form lying on the floor, eyes closed, and he thinks he’s dead and suddenly all his will to fight for anything fades away until there’s nothing.

***

“I – we… we were hunting. I thought it would be easy. I – I had no idea there was a rogue vampire on the loose, otherwise I would’ve never taken him. This is… this is my fault. I shouldn’t have brought him.”

“You couldn’t have known, Raphael. Don’t beat yourself up about it.”

“But I _should have_! What kind of leader am I if I can’t sense a rogue vampire when it’s in the same building I am in? And he almost died – Magnus, I – I couldn’t bear it if he died. I just… I couldn’t.”

“I know, Raph, I know. But he didn’t. He’s fine and should be waking up anytime now. Maybe he already is awake. Aren’t you, Sheldon?”

Simon sheepishly opens one eye, feeling as if he’d been caught eavesdropping. Magnus tuts at him before leaving the room.

Simon sits up to take in his surroundings and realizes he and Raphael are lying in identical hospital beds in what appears to be a hospital room. When Raphael sees his confusion, he clears his throat and says: “Magnus likes to go for the dramatic approach. When the Shadowhunters brought us here, he changed one of his room into a hospital room and put us in here.”

“What – what happened exactly?” Simon asks. His head hurts and he falls back onto his pillow in the hope of it fading away soon.

“We were attacked by a rogue vampire. I got bitten which in itself is already bad, but it fed off you.”

“What does that mean? Am I going rogue now too?”

Raphael chuckles.

“No, don’t worry. But rogue vampires often are poisonous because they sometimes feed off themselves and then infect other vampires by biting them. It makes us sick and could kill us if the rogue vampire feeds on us too much. That’s why – that’s why I was so worried. I thought you weren’t gonna make it.”

Simon remembers now. He remembers the weight on his chest, the pain in his neck as the rogue vampire sank its teeth into his flesh. And he remembers seeing Raphael’s lifeless form.

“I thought you were dead,” Simon says softly.

“What?”

“At the club, after the rogue vampire was killed. You were lying on the floor and you looked… _dead_.”

A barely visible blush spreads over Raphael’s cheeks.

“I fainted,” he admits.

Simon laughs but then grunts when his shoulder starts to sting again.

“When I thought you were dead… I just – stopped fighting it. Didn’t think it would matter whether I lived or died.”

Raphael smiles softly.

“That’s kinda gay,” he teases. Simon rolls his eyes at him.

“Yeah, well. Sorry.”

The other vampire reaches out his arm to take Simon’s hand and brushes his thumb over its back.

“No need to apologize,” he murmurs.

Simon quirks an eyebrow at him, but doesn’t let go off his hand.

“So, you couldn’t bear it if I died?”

“You heard that?”

Simon nods with a smirk and Raphael grunts, his cheeks turning even more red.

“Don’t be embarrassed. I think it’s sweet.”

“Next time I confess my feelings for you to someone else I’ll check if you really are asleep before I do so.”

“I can’t believe I had to almost die for you to confess you’re into me. I should almost die more often.”

“Please don’t.”

Simon squeezes Raphael’s hand and then lets them dangle between their beds.

“Okay, I promise.”

“Good.”

Raphael is quiet for a few seconds, but then he adds: “I really do like you, though.”

“I really like you too. But maybe we shouldn’t go to a club for our first date.”

“I couldn’t agree more.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back, bitches!!!!! I finished my exams which means I can start writing again and I couldn't be more excited. I'm also posting a big Saphael fic on July 5th, so be sure to look at for that one!   
> Till then, I hope you enjoy the new chapter!


	20. Things you said with clenched fists

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simon hurt Raphael like nobody has ever done before, and he wants to fix it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is Simon's POV version of [Chapter 10](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6470017/chapters/15016288). You don't have to read that one to be able to follow the story, but if you want some angst written in Raphael's POV I suggest you read that chapter too!

After recent events this seems hard to believe, but Simon really isn’t someone who easily betrays.

In fact, some would call him extremely loyal. Once he decides that someone is his friend, it would take a force of nature to get him off that idea. He would do a lot for his friends, even go as far as take a bullet for them. Usually he imagines those bullets to be harmless paintball bullets, but the point still stands.

He remembers thinking he hated Raphael. He remembers wanting to get away from him, to escape. When Raphael pulled him against his cold, hard chest and pressed a knife against his throat, Simon didn’t think he would ever hate anyone as much as he hated Raphael in that instant.

But he didn’t kill him. He even went as far as to guide Simon outside, probably risking his position as second in command to save his life.

And his compassion didn’t stop there. Sure, Raphael seemed dangerous and easily irritated, especially with the fangs and the snarls, but he just wanted to make sure Simon was safe. Simon knows that now. His threats were mostly empty and intended for Simon to not want to return to the Dumort so that Camile couldn’t kill him.

But of course Simon had to be the way he is, which had eventually gotten him killed.

He hadn’t known when he crawled his way out of his grave. If he had, he wouldn’t have called Raphael a monster. He still feels sick to his stomach when he remembers the way Raphael’s expression had faltered, consumed by hurt.

If Simon had known that Raphael had been the one to carry his lifeless body to the Institute, he would’ve been more willing to listen to Raphael, to go with him to the Dumort.

Simon never made it easy for Raphael. Looking back to it now, it had all been so childish. Why couldn’t he see that Raphael was just trying to help, and why couldn’t he accept that help?

Instead of accepting himself the way he was, he fought it every step of the way. He refused to feed until Raphael pressed him to the floor and forced the blood down his throat, skipped out on training, didn’t practice on his enhanced senses.

One image will forever haunt Simon, he’s sure of it. He can still see it when he closes his eyes now that he knows the meaning behind it: Raphael on top of him, avoiding his swaying arms and forcing blood down his throat. Crying. Simon had thought those were tears of frustration, but weeks later, when Raphael had kissed him for the first time, he’d realized those hadn’t been tears of frustration. Because, as they kissed, Raphael cried again. Silent tears dripping down his cheeks onto Simon’s lips, salty and bloody.

No, Raphael hadn’t cried out of anger because his fledgling was so hard to handle. He had cried because Simon had been ready to _starve_ , and Raphael couldn’t bear the sight of that.

That was the first time Simon realized Raphael cared about him, maybe even loved him. And it was the first time that he realized he might love him back.

But he also still loved Clary. Maybe not like he once did, but still as a friend. He would always love her like the best friend she’d always been, no matter how many species stood between them.

And he would also always love Jocelyn, who had been a mother to him when his own mother was being consumed by grief and she continued to be an important figure in his life when his mother pulled through it. So when Clary told him there was a way to save her, to bring her back – well, not even his newfound love for Raphael could stop him from trying everything in his power to wake her up.

Simon had seen a range of emotions from Raphael in the few weeks he lived in the hotel. He’d seen anger, sadness, happiness, something close to love. But he had never seen him so hurt as he did when Simon came out with Camille and Clary in tow.

It was only a flash, quickly hidden away behind a curtain of anger like Raphael tended to do. But Simon still saw it and he almost fell to his knees right then and there to beg Raphael to forgive him, to understand. But before he got the chance to, Raphael ordered the others to kill him.

His survival instinct took over and then everything was happening so fast – Isabelle broke down the wall and burned Raphael, which caused Simon to almost tell the others to leave him here so he could check if he was okay, but then they were moving through the tunnels and the other vampires were trapped behind the sunlight and Camille told them were to find that book only to disappear once they got there and then Magnus woke up Jocelyn and everything should be okay but it wasn’t because Jace was gone and Raphael hated him and Simon was _alone_.

Magnus offered him a bed to sleep in at his apartment as long as Simon didn’t make things right with the clan. That was two weeks ago.

He knows he should be the one taking the first step. He was the one in the wrong, so he should be the one apologizing. But he’s so scared that Raphael won’t ever want to see him again or order the others to kill him before he gets the chance to explain himself that he just cowers in his room at Magnus’s.

The warlock is growing sick of him and his constant self-pity, which is understandable. So on the fifteenth night after his exile from the clan, Magnus offers to take him to Raphael’s room to give him a chance to explain himself.

“I’ll stay there with you,” he promises.

“That way Raphael won’t be able to hurt you, even though I highly doubt that he will.”

“You didn’t see the way he looked at me that day.”

“No, but I have known him for decades. You hurt him, Sheldon. A lot. But he won’t kill you for it.”

Simon sighs.

“Let’s just hope so.”

And then he follows Magnus through the Portal.

The first thing Simon sees when they enter Raphael’s room is Raphael jumping off his bed. Once the purple of the Portal fades, Simon can take a good look at his appearance.

“What are you doing back here?” Raphael spits. He looks so angry Simon imagines the hotel shaking under his wrath. His hair is messy and unwashed and his shirt is pulled on backwards. He doesn’t look half like the well composed man Simon is used to.

“Raphael, can we talk? Please?” He stutters. He has rehearsed the way he would address Raphael at least fifty times and yet he doesn’t manage to say any of the words he was planning on saying. He has to bite back tears instead.

“You’ve said enough,” Raphael says ice cold.

“But – ”

“Enough!” Raphael snaps. Simon takes a step back as if he’s just been slapped in the face. Raphael never raised his voice at him – not like this. He wants to say anything else, is already close to begging, but Raphael has shifted his focus to Magnus and is now talking to the Warlock.

“ – if you two don’t settle this, I might kill him myself.”

Raphael looks back to Simon with utter, unhidden disgust in his eyes.

“Be my guest.”

And Simon whimpers, so softly he’s sure Raphael didn’t even hear him. But this is what he could’ve expected, this is exactly how Raphael deserves to treat him. He called this all upon himself.

Magnus follows Raphael to the door and softly talks in on him. Simon could hear what they are saying if he tried, but he doesn’t think he wants to know what they’re discussing. They seem to be engaged in a short conversation before Magnus touches Raphael’s shoulder and then walks away, creating a Portal without stopping and walking straight into it, leaving Simon alone with Raphael.

“Raphael, I – ” Simon starts, but Raphael holds up a dismissive hand. The other one is clenched into a fist by his side.

“I carried your dead body to Shadowhunter territory, gave your redhead friend the choice to kill or Turn you. I opened my home to you and I trusted you, I protected you. But as soon as you got the chance, you turned around and betrayed me.”

“I’m – ”

“Not only did you betray me, you did it by releasing the woman who did this to you. You see yourself as a monster, Simon. Well, Camille is the one who made you this way. And you set her free so she can do it all again to some other innocent Mundane. And for what? A meaningless Mundane?”

“She isn’t meaningless to me!” Simon yells, his voice sounding strangled, “Jocelyn is like my second mom, Raphael. I released Camille for someone I love.”

“I loved you too!” Raphael screams. Both his hands are shaking fists by his sides now. Simon gapes at him, the silence ringing in his ears. There was so much pain and sorrow in those four words Simon feels like he’s drowning. He wants to make this better, to fix it, but he doesn’t even know where to start.

“I wish I could hate you,” Raphael whispers, avoiding eye contact.

“I wish I could be indifferent towards you. I wish it wouldn’t matter to me whether you lived or died. But it does, and that’s why I’m telling you this: leave. Because if the others find out you’re here, they will tear you apart. And I won’t stop them.”

A million things go through Simon’s mind. He wants to do so many things; close the distance between them and kiss the sadness off Raphael’s face, walk straight to the lobby to have the clan tear him apart, run for his life. But none of those seem like good options right now. So he just says Raphael’s name.

“Leave through the tunnels,” Raphael says, unresponsive to Simon’s broken whisper, “they won’t find you there.”

Simon almost reaches out to him, almost walks up to him in the hope that Raphael won’t kill him when he embraces him. But something in Raphael’s eyes makes him hesitate. He has lost any emotion; no sadness or anger or disgust. Just blankness.

So Simon sighs and heads for the door, crossing Raphael halfway through the room as the other vampire gets back to his bed.

And he _knows_ he can’t leave like this. He has one more confession to make, one more line to deliver. This might be his last chance, and he would be damned if he has to live his immortal life having not said following words.

So he turns back around to face Raphael and says: “Raphael, I love you too.”

Raphael’s expression changes so fast Simon almost falls to his knees to beg him to love him again. The blankness shifts and changes until there’s pure pain on his face, twisting his features in a shadow of what he used to be.

“It’s too late for that,” Raphael says. He sounds like he’s choking.

Simon nods, finally accepting that this is unfixable. But Raphael has already turned away from him, so he slips out of his room and closes the door behind him.

He has just made it to the tunnels when loud sobs reach him and somehow he knows they’re Raphael’s. They sound so tortured, so full of grief that Simon’s legs give in underneath him and he falls against the cool wall of the tunnel, gasping for air he doesn’t need in the hope oxygen will chase away the hollow pain in his chest.

Breathing doesn’t help, so he steadies himself against the wall and makes his way out of the hotel, tasting his own bloody tears on his lips as he goes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm just trying to fill some prompts people sent me on Tumblr and I'm posting them all here too so I mght update this story a few times today fight me


	21. Things you said that I wasn't meant to hear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simon is acting weird around Raphael, who thinks he might be cheating on him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: minor book spoilers (this happens in like,,,, the second or third book I think? And it really isn't That Big Of A Spoiler but yeah heads up)

Simon had been weird _before_ the war, but now that the Mortal War is fought and their side has won, he even seems to be weirder.

It’s not just the PTSD. Raphael has seen a lot of people with post-traumatic stress and he’s seen what kind of forms it can take, and Simon’s behavior doesn’t fit any of them. Sure, he has nightmares. Raphael is often there to witness them, holding him until he stops screaming and kissing away the tears until he falls back asleep.

He thought their relationship had been lifted to the next level after the war. Raphael had once and for all forgiven Simon for betraying him and the clan, they had confessed their feelings for each other when blood still clung to their clothes after they emerged from battle and Simon moved into Raphael’s room when they returned to the hotel. He even changed his sleeping pattern so he could be awake when Raphael was, despite Simon now being a Daylighter and thus being able to walk into the sun. Raphael appreciates Simon sacrificing feeling the sun on his skin in order to be with him. It means a lot.

And yet, despite Simon doing all these things and them acting like they’re a married couple, he still seems to be having secrets for Raphael.

Raphael doesn’t even notice until he wakes up one day and finds an empty spot besides him where Simon should be.

He doesn’t think too much of it at first. Simon probably went for a snack like he sometimes does when he can’t sleep. So he lies awake waiting for him to return, and when that doesn’t happen he sighs dramatically and throws back the sheets to get out of bed and go find him.

He expects to find Simon in the kitchen, having fallen asleep next to an half empty glass of blood, but he isn’t there when Raphael arrives. He continues his search through the lounge, the dining hall and the basement, but Simon is in neither of those rooms.

Raphael frowns to himself and decides to go back to their room. When he comes back, Simon is peacefully curled up in bed, sleepily gazing up at him.

“Hey, where have you been?” He murmurs.

“Looking for you,” Raphael replies as he slips in behind Simon. The other boy immediately turns around to curl up against Raphael’s chest and bury his nose in his neck.

“’was out,” Simon yawns.

“Why?”

“Nothing important, just went on a walk. Couldn’t sleep.”

“Nightmares?”

“Mhh,” Simon hums as he lifts his hand to press a slender finger to Raphael’s lips.

“Now go back to sleep. ‘m tired.”

Raphael chuckles and kisses Simon’s fingers, then pulls him even closer to his chest.

“Okay. Goodnight, baby.”

“G’night, Raph.”

***

Raphael wouldn’t think much of Simon going out during the day if it had been a one-time event. He gets it, he truly does. If he was able to walk in sunlight, he would sneak out of the hotel to do so too.

But it doesn’t end with that one time.

He wakes up in the middle of the day more and more, and more often than not, Simon isn’t there. At first Raphael stays up until he returns and then opens his arms for him so they can fall asleep together again. But after a while, when Simon continues to sneak out with no to very little explanation, he stays awake until he returns and then purposely turns away from Simon once he enters the room to show that he’s mad at him.

But no matter how many times he pushes Simon away when he crawls in and wants to cuddle, no matter how many times he explicitly tells him he’s mad at him, Simon doesn’t stop sneaking out.

An ugly thought starts settling in Raphael’s mind, one he tries pushing away as much as he can. He almost succeeds at it, but then he walks in on Simon talking to someone on the phone.

“ – asleep. No, he doesn’t have a clue. He can’t read my mind, Clary, that’s not how our powers work. – I don’t know. – Clary, I swear he doesn’t know, calm down. Okay, I gotta go now before he hears me. – Love you too. Bye.”

If Simon had practiced on his enhanced hearing more, he would probably know Raphael was standing right on the other side of the thin wall separating the hallway from the lounge. But he doesn’t have a clue that Raphael heard everything he said, and he also doesn’t know the ugly thought is now _screaming_ at Raphael, making his eyes sting with tears.

He speeds back to his room and locks the door behind him. When Simon knocks and asks if he can come in, Raphael pretends he doesn’t hear him.

***

“Are you cheating on me?” Raphael’s voice is calm when he asks it, but on the inside he’s screaming.

He clenches his jaws when he sees Simon’s shocked expression. It looks suspiciously like realizing you’re busted to him.

“ _What_?” Simon stutters, walking over to him. Raphael automatically takes a step back and the back of his knees hit their bed.

“You heard me. Because if you are, I would rather have you tell it to my face than continuing to sneak off to Clarissa and making a fool out of me.”

“You think I’m cheating on you with _Clary_?”

“Oh, so you’re cheating on me with someone else?”

“No, I’m not cheating on you with anyone! Raphael, why would you think that?”

Raphael glares at him and pushes past him to walk to the door.

“You’re constantly sneaking off, you’re never telling me where you went, and I heard you talking to her on the phone the other night. About me not having a clue.”

Simon’s expression changes. He almost looks – relieved.

“Raphael, I swear it’s not what you think. Look, you weren’t supposed to hear because it was supposed to be a surprise, but since it’s out in the open now…” Simon walks to his bag casually thrown on the ground by his bedside table and pulls out a small box. It’s black and rectangular.

Once he retrieved the box, he walks over to Raphael. Then he hands the box to him.

“What’s this?” Raphael asks.

“Just open it.”

So Raphael does.

There’s a syringe with a bright red liquid in the box and Raphael looks up at Simon in confusion.

“Is that blood?”

“It’s angel blood, from Clary.”

“What? Why?”

“Because,” Simon sighs as he reaches out to take one of Raphael’s hands, “I became a Daylighter by drinking the blood of a Shadowhunter. Of Jace, to be exact, who’s more angel than normal Shadowhunters. Since Jace and I aren’t the best of friends, I figured I could ask Clary for a favor instead.”

“I – I don’t understand.”

“Raphael, if you drink her blood – maybe you’ll turn into a Daylighter too.”

“Simon, I don’t know – ”

“Please, just try it. It can’t hurt, right? And if it works, we can be Daylighters together.”

That does sound nice. And he wouldn’t have to wait until nightfall anymore to visit his mother or brothers. He could almost be normal. And he could do it all with Simon by his side.

“Okay,” he eventually says.

“Okay, I’ll try it.”

Simon smiles brightly and already moves to get him a glass to put the blood into. Once they filled a glass, Raphael brings it to his lips, shoots a quick prayer to whoever might hear him and chucks it down.

“Well?” Simon asks once the glass is empty.

“Feel any different?”

“Did you feel any different when you drank Jace’s blood?”

Simon bites his lip and shrugs.

“I don’t know. I don’t think so. It’s okay, we can just test it out. The sun is rising in an hour.”

So they sit and wait, their fingers intertwined as the minutes tick past. Simon seems to be more nervous than Raphael is, frantically biting his nails and staring at the clock.

When the sun finally starts to rise, Simon drags Raphael outside of the hotel. They wait in the shadows of the doorway until the sun reaches the curb, and then Simon squeezes his hand.

“You ready?” He asks.

“As ready as I’ll ever be,” Raphael replies, his voice sounding calmer than he feels.

Simon gently pulls him towards the sunlight. Every instinct in Raphael’s body is screaming at him to get away, to get inside, but he fights it and takes step after step towards the edge of the shadows. Simon told him this would happen – his instincts fought him too at first. You just gotta bite through it.

And then they reach the curb, and the sun is just inches away from him now. Simon effortlessly steps into the pool of sunlight and smiles encouragingly at Raphael.

“You can do it, Raph. I’m here if anything happens. Trust me.”

Raphael nods. If there’s anything in the world he’s sure of, it’s that he can trust Simon. So after having taken one last, unneeded breath, he takes a step into the sunlight.

Burning pain immediately spreads all over his body and blisters appear faster than he can react to the pain. A tortured scream escapes Raphael’s lips and he feels like he’s going to combust, vanish into thin air until there’s nothing left of him but dust, but then a pair of arms is wrapped around him and he’s being pushed back into the shadows.

Simon doesn’t stop once they’ve reached the shade. He lifts Raphael into his arms and speeds him back inside and upstairs, only letting go off him when they’re in their room and he can place him on their bed.

Raphael still feels like he’s burning, his skin stinging and prickling. He whimpers softly when Simon tries to touch him.

“Oh god, Raphael. I’m so sorry,” Simon says, panic coloring his voice.

“You’re back inside, you’re fine. Breathe, Raph. Breathe through it.”

So Raphael does, inhaling through his nose and exhaling through his mouth until the pain subsides and the blisters disappear. His skin has an unhealthy pink color now, but he can already feel himself heal.

Simon is sitting next to him, his hands hovering inches above his chest. Once Raphael comes back to himself, he takes Simon’s hand and presses it to the place his heart used to beat.

“Are you okay?” Simon peeps worriedly. Raphael hums, feeling exhausted.

“I guess it didn’t work,” he breathes.

“I guess it didn’t. I’m so so so sorry, Raphael.”

“Hey, you couldn’t have known. Angel blood works for some vampires but not for others.”

“I know. I just wish we could be together.”

Raphael sits up, swallowing a pained grunt as he does, and cups Simon’s cheek.

“We _are_ together, Simon. Maybe not as Daylighters, but as vampires. And that’s good enough for me. Is it good enough for you too?”

Simon looks at him, his eyes watery with unshed tears. Then a small smile creeps on his face.

“It is.”

“Good,” Raphael whispers, and then he reels Simon in to kiss him gently. When he pulls back, Simon’s smile has almost split his face in half.

And Raphael may never feel the sun on his skin again, but he’ll gladly settle with that smile instead, which in some ways even seems brighter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I remember close to nothing from the books so I really don't know what exactly was the reason that Simon turned into a Daylighter and how he felt when he was turning into one. Sorry if this isn't correct (actually I don't really care no offense but the books were trash I could write essays about why exactly they were but to be short: if my fics don't match book canon: good.)


	22. I've missed you kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It takes Simon exactly three days to find his way back to Raphael.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: implied abuse, blood play

It takes Simon exactly three days to find his way back to Raphael.

Raphael hears him as soon as he enters the hotel, his usual deadly slow heartbeat fast and scared like that of a little bird. He figures the others must hear him too and quickly makes his way to the tunnels before someone else finds him.

He looks pale – paler than usual. His cheeks are hollow and the circles under his eyes dark. His eyes are glazed when he makes eye contact with Raphael.

“Oh my god, Simon,” Raphael breathes, extending an arm to support him before he crashes to the ground. Simon leans heavily on him as Raphael rapidly makes his way through the hotel, careful not the bump into any clan members. If they find Simon here, they will rip him apart before Raphael can order them not to.

They get to Raphael’s room without anyone noticing, where Simon falls onto his bed with a strangled grunt.

Raphael immediately goes for his personal blood stash and rips up a bag into a glass, some of the blood spilling onto his shaking hands. Then he gets back to Simon, who seems to be sinking further into the mattress with each passing second.

“Here, drink this,” he commands as he shoves the glass into Simon’s clammy hand. The fledgling doesn’t need to be told twice and hungrily gulps up the blood. Raphael watches some blood drip from his chin onto his shirt.

“Better?” He asks when the glass is empty.

Simon licks his lips and nods, perking up almost immediately.

“Thank you, Raph,” he says.

Raphael shrugs and moves to put away the glass, but Simon grabs him by the wrist before he can walk away. He pulls him closer and catches his lips in a swift kiss.

“I missed you,” Simon murmurs against his lips. Raphael exhales shakily as he crawls onto the bed and kisses Simon again, still vaguely tasting the blood on his lips.

“It’s only been three days,” Raphael counters.

“Too long,” Simon insists, cupping the back of Raphael’s neck to pull him into the kiss again. Raphael kisses him slowly and thoroughly, exploring his mouth like it’s the first time doing so. Simon whimpers softly, digging his nails in the sensitive skin at the nape of Raphael’s neck.

“That’s your own fault,” Raphael groans when he briefly parts with Simon’s mouth, only to lock his lips around his neck instead.

“I… had no choice.” Simon’s breath hitches in his throat when Raphael teasingly scrapes his fangs over his skin. He presses his body harder against Raphael’s and moves his hands from his neck to his shoulders.

“You always have a choice. I’ll still have to punish you for what you did to the clan.”

Simon sighs and gently pushes Raphael off until he’s sitting up straight. He’s no longer as pale as he was when he stumbled in here, the blood and Raphael’s kiss having worked healingly.

“I know,” Simon says.

“And I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Raphael. It may have only been three days, but it’s the only thing I’ve been thinking about. Magnus told me. About Camille and about what she did to you. I can’t stop thinking about what I did and what it must’ve felt like for you. I can’t tell you how sorry I am.”

Raphael’s stomach sinks as soon as Simon mentions Camille. Blurry images of his early fledgling days flash in front of his eyes, of red lips and sharp teeth and even sharper words, stabbed at him like daggers just as dangerous as her claws, always gripping and dragging and tearing.

He tries to push the images away by taking deep breaths.

“Let’s not discuss her,” he manages to say between clenched jaws. Simon reaches out to stoke his cheekbone to ease Raphael’s nerves.

“Right,” Simon mumbles, “I’m sorry.”

Raphael puts his hand over Simon’s and presses it harder against his cheek, trying to ground himself with his touch. Simon’s calloused hand chases away the memory of Camille’s cold fingers and Raphael gratefully kisses his palm before placing it over his dead heart.

“We will discuss your punishment tomorrow,” he decides, “but right now, I just want to be with you.”

Simon nods, watches intently as Raphael shifts onto his knees and tilts his head. He taps two fingers to his exposed neck, which makes Simon’s eyes turn big with surprise.

“Raphael, what – ” He starts, but he doesn’t know how to finish it. He _knows_ what this means. Baring your neck to another vampire, letting them drink from you… it shows submission and trust like no other gesture could ever bring forward. It is unusual for a vampire to bare his neck to a fledgling, let alone a clan leader baring his neck to a fledgling that betrayed him mere days ago.

And yet Raphael still has his head tilted, his pale neck beautifully laid out for Simon. Simon notices the blue vein, sees the blood pump through it. His fangs drop with anticipation as he moves closer to Raphael, who suddenly seems to be radiating off heat.

“Raphael, if we do this…”

“The others will know,” Raphael nods, “they will smell you on me and me on you. That’s the point, Simon. They won’t kill you if they know we fed off each other – it’s a vampire rule way stronger than revenge. I’m doing this to protect you.”

“But are you also doing this because you want to?”

Raphael smiles softly, taking Simon’s hand still resting on his unmoving chest to press his fingers to his lips.

“Yes, Simon. I want to,” he simply says.

It’s all the encouragement Simon needs.

He tries to be slow when Raphael tilts his head to the side again, tries to stay in control when his fangs break skin and the first blood hits his tongue. Raphael moans lowly, urging Simon to drink more by pressing a firm hand to the back of his head. Simon bites down onto his neck harder and tastes the blood welling from the wound, thick and warm and intoxicating in a way Mundane blood will never be. Mundane blood is only to still the hunger, to put out the burning fire in his throat when he hasn’t fed enough. But Raphael’s blood – Raphael’s blood spikes a whole other desire in the pit of Simon’s stomach. Still some kind of hunger, but not for food. Just for _Raphael_.

He loses himself in the taste of Raphael’s blood, feeling light headed and on edge when Raphael finally pushes him off. Simon licks the puncture holes one last time to heal them and then tilts his head almost out of reflex, as if an ancient instinct has taken over his body.

The pain of feeling Raphael’s fangs penetrate his skin falls into nothingness once the pleasure washes over him like waves. A pathetic whimper escapes him before he can stop it and he tries to get a hold of Raphael’s body as he drinks from him. Simon manages to push a hand under Raphael’s shirt, rolling an erect nipple between his thumb and forefinger as the other vampire drinks from him.

Raphael groans against his neck, his hips jerking to meet Simon’s.

“Raphael,” Simon breathes, his voice sounding so needy he would’ve been embarrassed by it if he’d been in any other situation.

Raphael hums, grinding down on Simon once more. They’re both hard in their pants.

Raphael has imagined this countless times. Of course, in his fantasies, he never thought their first blood play would be after Simon had betrayed the clan, but other than that the scenario is quite identical. He’d also fantasized about what would happen next, about shedding off clothes and soiling the sheets with blood, letting Simon take him apart before returning the favor.

But he pulls back before either of them can take it that far, enduring Simon’s displeased grunt at the loss of Raphael’s lips against his neck.

“Why are you stopping?” Simon asks breathlessly. He pushes himself onto his elbows to face Raphael, who’s sitting cross-legged in front of him.

“I want to take it slow,” Raphael explains with a shrug he hopes looks casual, “it – uh. It would be my first – you know.” He makes a vague gesture between them, a blush rapidly spreading from his neck to the tips of his ears.

“Oh,” Simon says understandingly.

“Okay, that’s fine. We can take it slow. We can take it as slow as you want. How slow exactly do you want to take it?”

“I just – I want…” Raphael starts, but the words die on his lips. He frowns with frustration and chews his lip in the hope of finding the right words.

“For now, I could really use some nice cuddling,” he finally manages to blurt.

Simon beams at that, immediately opening his arms for Raphael.

“I’m always up for some cuddling.”

Raphael grins and gets comfortable against Simon’s chest, pressing a soft kiss on the spot between his two collarbones.

“Punishment tomorrow,” he reminds him.

“Yeah, but cuddling first,” Simon says.

“Cuddling first,” Raphael nods.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah yes I love virgin!Raphael and I may write something more in depth about it soon
> 
> Also I'm on holiday in Greece!!! Super nice and super hot so this was written in a hot bedroom while Greek TV played in the background so I apologize if this is trash or there are any typos.
> 
> Lastly I just wanna say I love you all lots and I feel like I don't say that enough but I really truly do!!


	23. End-of-the-world-kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She looks up to Simon and smiles. She smiles like they’re waiting for the bus or standing in line for a concert or are just at home chilling. Not like they’re eighteen and about to fight in a war. Not like the weight of the world is pressing down on their shoulders.

_“This is how the world ends; not with a bang, but with a whimper.”_

And amongst everything around him, amongst the soldiers and the fear and the battle cries, Simon Lewis knows his buddy T.S. Eliot must’ve never witnessed the end of the world himself.

Because it doesn’t end with a whimper – nothing is quiet about this.

At first there are distant war drums, almost like a heartbeat. That’s what Simon thinks it is at first – someone’s heartbeat. But the drums grow louder and others start to hear them too.

Alec pushes back his chair at the head of the table and stands, his body stilling completely as if then he’ll hear more clearly.

Isabelle freezes over the table, arm extended to point at something on the map. Simon thinks it’s a Valentine steak-out, but he also thinks that information no longer matters.

Clary’s eyes are wide, like a deer caught in headlights. Simon’s undead heart breaks a little for her every time he looks at her; small and fragile and packed in war gear. Her armor is black and her hair looks like fire and Simon remembers when they were little and Clary used to scream when she saw a spider. The things they’re facing tonight are scarier than any spider, and he just hopes she won’t scream this time.

The drums grow louder still, and then there’s also chanting. It’s like a heavy bass being carried by the wind and Simon can’t understand what they’re chanting, but he can imagine. The enemy is here for the same reason they are: to fight. To win.

“It’s happening,” Magnus says, rolling back his shoulders as he stands. He looks timeless and intimidating, his eye make-up done like war paint. Simon thinks he could see the true warlock behind his glamour if he tried.

Meliorn takes out his sword. He’s the only Seelie here, the only one who decided to join them in battle. He never told anyone, but Simon knows his queen will be furious with him when she finds out. He doesn’t know what will happen to Meliorn when she does, but right now he’s grateful to have at least one real soldier fighting with them.

Luke grabs the edge of the table so hard to wood cracks. His face is devoid of any expression, but his eyes light up green. Simon knows this isn’t the first war he’s fought. He knows out of all of them, Luke is the most experienced. But he also remembers when Luke used to make him pancakes each Sunday or take him to baseball matches and he prays to whatever god is listening that he won’t lose another father tonight.

Raphael doesn’t say anything when he stands. He nods to Lily, who stands too. The other clan members, those who decided to fight, get to their feet as well. Raphael only locks eyes with Simon for a second before letting his eyes drift.

Simon’s heart sinks. He had hoped they would have more time before battle to talk, to make things right. He doesn’t know if either of them will be coming out of this alive and he wishes to face death with a clear conscience instead of guilt sticking to his fingers like blood. But Raphael had avoided him the entire time they were in the camp set up at the edge of the battlefield, and now the drums are echoing through the night to indicate the battle is happening.

Isabelle is the first one to walk out of the tent. Even now she’s wearing heels, and Simon thinks she wore them on purpose as two extra weapons. The others follow, Simon closing the line. His limbs feel like lead and he has to resist the urge to drag his feet over the dusty ground. This is happening. He’s actually going to fight in a war.

Once outside, Simon can already see the approaching army in the distance. They’re holding torches to light their path, which makes them seem eerie and otherworldly. Like a ghost army.

Their own army is gearing up behind them, putting on war gear and protective runes and picking up Seraph blades and other weapons.

Clary is standing next to Simon, so short without her usual heels that Simon could easily rest his chin on her head. And he wonders again how such a little girl will come out of this alive. But when she looks up at him, she doesn’t look scared. She looks determined. Like she has already decided for herself that they’re going to win this.

She looks up to Simon and smiles. She smiles like they’re waiting for the bus or standing in line for a concert or are just at home chilling. Not like they’re eighteen and about to fight in a war. Not like the weight of the world is pressing down on their shoulders.

Isabelle reaches for Alec’s hand. Alec doesn’t look down but squeezes it, and then he reaches out to take Magnus’ hand and Izzy takes Clary’s hand and Clary takes Simon’s and Simon takes Luke’s. And then, so out of character it almost makes Simon laugh, Luke reaches out to take Raphael’s hand.

Simon expects Raphael to pull back and snarl, but instead he holds Lily’s hand. And then suddenly they’re on the frontline of the battlefield, all holding hands as they watch the enemy army approach.

There aren’t just war drums and chants now. The enemy is banging their shields with their weapons, sending metallic sounds into the night.

And then that same sound starts behind them. Simon turns around and sees their own army, Shadowhunters and Downworlders alike, banging their shields. They’re all wearing black and standing side by side. They could be siblings. They could be the same species.

And Simon realizes that, even if they lose this battle, they might’ve already won the war. Because this is exactly what Valentine _didn’t_ want. He didn’t want Shadowhunters and Downworlders to stand shoulder to shoulder and yet here they are. If he squints he can’t even tell them apart.

The night air is filled with noise now; war drums and the stomping of feet and war cries, coming from both camps. Adrenaline is pumping through the air like something touchable.

Alec lets go off Magnus’ hand to pull out his bow and arrows. He places one arrow in his bow and aims.

“To war!” He screams.

“To war!” The others chant, and then they’re running. The vampires run at human speed to keep up and the werewolves transform mid-air, ripping clothes and breaking and healing bones in their leaps. The thumping of feet makes the ground underneath them shake. Like they’re a force of nature; like they’re an earth quake.

The enemy is running too, starting towards them like waves. Like another force of nature. Like a tsunami.

And then the first soldiers come close enough to recognize and Clary _screams_ , so high-pitched and heartbroken it freezes Simon’s blood in his veins.

Because there, up front, is Jace.

Simon slows down, unable to process what he’s seeing in front of him. Because the Jace he knows, the Jace he used to despise, he would never lead an enemy army.

But then again, maybe they brainwashed him. Maybe Valentine somehow convinced him that they were the enemy. Maybe he got into his head using mind games and his past abuse.

“Simon, why are u stopping?” Raphael’s voice, coming from his left.

Simon turns his head and registers the forms running past them, but he’s standing still now. Raphael’s hand is on his arm. And he’s looking at him, eyebrows knitted together in a frown.

Simon wants to say a lot of things in that very moment. He wants to tell him that Jace is the one leading the enemy army. He wants to tell him that he thinks he’s going to die tonight, or that he regrets everything that happened between them, or maybe even that he loves him.

But as their army moves past them, the only words leaving Simon’s mouth are: “I’m sorry.”

Raphael looks taken aback by this.

“What do you mean?”

“I’m sorry I betrayed you, Raphael. I can’t tell you how sorry I am, and I wish you would forgive me or punish me or at least _listen to me_.”

“Simon, I really don’t think this is the time and place – ”

“I think I’m going to die tonight, Raphael. Or you. Or both of us. And I need to say it before we do so just – just listen.”

And Raphael listens, but Simon doesn’t say anything. All the words he wants to say die on his lips. So he does something that doesn’t require speaking; he kisses him.

Raphael gasps in shock but doesn’t pull back. In fact, he places a hand on the back of Simon’s neck to push him harder against his mouth and pries open his lips with his own.

Their kiss is messy and angry, full of teeth and fangs and desperation. Raphael tastes of blood, but for the first time Simon isn’t disgusted by the taste. He wants to taste more of it. He wishes they could just continue kissing and he wishes he had kissed him sooner and he wishes this war isn’t happening around them.

But when they pull back, they’re still on the battlefield.

Raphael looks at Simon, moves to kiss him once more. Then he turns back to where the fight is happening and takes his hand.

And they run.

And they fight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here I am again with another update! Boy, this is starting to be a really long drabble collection, isn't it?  
> Anyway, I want to thank you all again for the constant support. I know it may look like I only react to negative comments (which is something I'm trying to work on) but don't think all your sweet comments go unnoticed. They all mean so much to me and I often scroll through them when I'm feeling bad or unsure about my writing. You all mean so much to me. I love every single one of you a lot.


	24. Goodbye kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raphael never strays too far from Simon. Simon still feels the kiss lingering on his lips, even after hours of battle, and it’s honestly the only thing that keeps him going; knowing that, when this ends, he will be able to kiss those lips again. Without fear and desperation on their breath, but just with softness and content.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a part two of [Chapter 23](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6470017/chapters/17655049) so definitely read that one before you read this one!
> 
> Also, I put some more Jeliorn into this than originally intended but I love them so much and I want to see how people react to them because I'm planning on writing a pretty long Jeliorn fic, so I wanted to know if that would be appreciated!

The battle is brutal and draining and exhausting, both physically as emotionally, and by the end of it Simon feels like he’ll collapse and never get up again. There’s blood spilling onto the ground, seeping into it and mixing with dust. It smells sickening. Simon can’t put his finger on it, but it smells wrong. Like someone messed with it.

Raphael taught him well in the few weeks he was in training with him. Simon easily dodges Seraph blades and fast hands, breaks necks and spines like it’s his second nature. He bites and rips and tears, not allowing death to catch up with him just yet. He will mourn later; for the people he killed and for the part of him he killed with them. But for now there’s only one feeling pulsing through his veins: _survival_.

Valentine’s army thins out with every passing hour. They’re strong and they’re angry, but they’re also chaotic in the way they move. As if they’re trying to get used to foreign bodies.

He can tell Valentine hadn’t counted on Downworlders being thrown into the mix. His army stabs at vampires without result, not knowing you have to hit their heart to kill them. A few of them fall prey to Luke’s pack; their screams carry over the clashing of weapons to Simon’s sensitive ears.

Clary and Izzy hold their own like ancient goddesses of war; even on high heels, Isabelle is quicker than most of the enemy Shadowhunters. She aims for their legs with her whip and pulls them down to the ground, letting Clary finish the job with her Seraph blade. There’s blood on her cheeks, Simon notices. Like freckles.

And for the first time in hours, he thinks maybe Clary will come out of this alive. He just wonders at what cost.

Alec and Magnus are on his right, holding their ground as they fend off Valentine’s men. They move in sync with each other; Alec ducks so Magnus can use his magic on the enemy, Magnus twirls away for Alec to shoot an arrow. It’s almost like a dance. Almost like they’re meant to be right where they are.

Raphael never strays too far from Simon. Simon still feels the kiss lingering on his lips, even after hours of battle, and it’s honestly the only thing that keeps him going; knowing that, when this ends, he will be able to kiss those lips again. Without fear and desperation on their breath, but just with softness and content.

Meliorn fights five enemies at the same time, calling upon his earth powers to help him. Roots shoot out of the ground and drag them with them under a blanket of dirt, their screams terrified but muffled. When he comes to stand face to face with Jace, Simon notices that he lowers his weapon and drops his head. Almost in surrender.

He’s the one to finish it, in the end.

He’s still standing face to face with Jace, a spot of serenity surrounded by chaos. Jace is blinking at him, something close to tears forming in the corner of his eyes. And then an enemy Shadowhunter moves forward, Seraph blade thrusted forward and aiming for Meliorn’s back, and Jace notices and jumps in front of him to shield him and –

Meliorn’s scream is even more heartbreaking than Clary’s.

Jace’ blood spreads rapidly on the ground. Simon is momentarily caught off guard when he sees his friend fall and is almost beheaded by one of Valentine’s men, but Raphael is there to break his neck before he can.

Meliorn gathers Jace’ form in his arms, pressing a thumb to his cheekbone and rocking back and forth slightly.

He screams again, desperate and scared and heartbroken, and Simon realizes with a jolt that he’s in love with him. That’s why he was the only Seelie prepared to fight; not for the good cause, but for Jace.

The earth starts rumbling as if to answer Meliorn’s screams and suddenly there are roots shooting out of it _everywhere_ , grabbing and curling and pulling. For every root that the enemy strikes down, a new one rises out of the ground. They wrap themselves around calves and throats and wrists, anything they can reach.

The enemy doesn’t stand a chance.

It takes five minutes for the roots to drag every last one of them with them back into the earth. That’s all it takes; a broken Seelie with great powers and an injured boy in his arms. The formula of ending a war.

Simon looks around over the battlefield, littered with bodies that could be friend or foe. Only their side of the battle is still standing. The roots didn’t touch any of them.

Simon thinks it’s over and makes a move to gather around Jace when manic laughter erupts from somewhere behind them. Valentine rises, pushing off a dead body he’d been hiding underneath. He raises the Mortal Cup as if he’s holding a toast, and above him the skies rumble.

Luke is human when he kills him.

He takes the time to turn back into his human form, rolls his shoulders as he approaches Valentine. Valentine looks at him with unhidden disgust, a snarl on his lips, and despite Luke being the werewolf, only Valentine looks like an animal in that moment.

He doesn’t even fight back when Luke stabs a Seraph blade in his stomach. He just looks at him, that same wicked grin on his face, now colored red with blood, and lets Luke lower him to the ground to die.

There are no iconic last words. No last heartbreaking moment or a second of regret. No final apology or even a snarl. Valentine wouldn’t waste his last breath on someone as low as a _Downworlder_.

He just stares up at the sky as he lies dying, and when the first raindrops hit his face, he has stopped breathing.

They don’t move for a few seconds, shook by what has unfolded in front of them, and then suddenly everyone is moving at once. Magnus is supporting Alec, who seems to be injured at his side, and Clary and Izzy are both already crying before they reach Jace. Luke lingers next to Valentine’s dead body as if to check if he actually is truly dead, and then he walks over to Jace too.

Meliorn’s head is hanging, his long hair shielding Jace from view. Magnus is muttering to him, so softly Simon can’t understand it, but Meliorn shakes his head and clutches onto Jace’ hand even harder.

So Magnus sighs and takes Jace’ other hand, a purple glow coming from their intertwined fingers.

The battlefield is eerily quiet now. There are no war drums or chanting or stomping feet, and as Simon looks from Jace’ pale form to Izzy’s tear stroked face and Alec’s devastated expression, he thinks that maybe T.S. Eliot was right after all; maybe the end of the world happens _after_ the bang. Maybe then it can end with a whimper.

Raphael is beside him, lacing their fingers together despite being sticky with blood. And Simon wants nothing more than to kiss him, than to taste that same desperation as before again, and maybe then Raphael could make him forget. Then maybe Jace wouldn’t be dying here, and maybe he wouldn’t have killed that many people, and maybe he would feel giddy and alive again when he looked at him instead of feeling like he was drowning. Because that’s what being in love with Raphael feels like; like being pulled down under water and not even wanting to swim back to the surface.

Magnus and Meliorn heal Jace as best as they can, but they’re both exhausted from battle and Alec is shooting worried glances at Magnus, not wanting him to exhaust himself but also wanting nothing more than for Jace to live.

Right when Simon thinks they’re going to faint, a gasp can be heard on the quiet battlefield.

Jace shoots up coughing and gasping, as if he’d been holding his breath for too long, and Meliorn only lets him catch his breath for a moment before kissing him. Jace’ body stiffens, but then he melts into the kiss and Clary cheers, reeling Izzy in for a hug.

“Babe,” Jace says when they part, “I thought we agreed we’d keep this a secret for now.”

“Dude,” Simon says, his voice sounding weird after being silent for so long, “your boyfriend literally singlehandedly ended the enemy army in his wrath. We kind of figured.”

And despite everything, despite the bodies surrounding them and blood clinging to his shirt, Jace _blushes_. It’s such a mundane thing to do, so unlike Jace, Simon has a glimmer of hope that maybe they’ll be okay.

They all cheer, right in that moment, high on adrenaline and the taste of victory, and lips meet lips and hands meet hair and whimpers meet sighs. Alec pulls Magnus’ limp body into his arms and kisses him until their lips are bruised; Isabelle and Clary share a passionate first kiss; Luke and Alaric are gentle when their lips meet and Simon sees Luke aching for Jocelyn too, but she stayed at the camp tending the injured. He figures he’ll make up for it later, though.

And Raphael kisses Simon again. Their kiss lacks desperation and anger but makes up for it with a softness Simon hasn’t seen in Raphael before.

He sees it again later, after having fed, securely tucked away in Raphael’s enchanted tent where they’ll be safe from the sun. Raphael is soft with him; kissing him like he’s made out of porcelain and caressing his skin, never sinking his fangs into him even when Simon begs him to. They’ve both seen enough violence tonight. Raphael makes sure nothing about this is violent or aggressive; he kisses where he could bite, he strokes where he could claw. It isn’t hot and intense like Simon had imagined it would be, but instead it’s… nice. Comforting. Holding and being held. Sweaty bodies moving together, mouths locking around each other as if their lips were sculpted out of the same marble.

They sleep together, and then they _rest_ together, occasionally snoozing off but mostly just watching each other, trying to memorize each curve, each freckle and scar. Raphael has a lot of those and a story to match, but Simon doesn’t ask about them. He’s sure he’ll hear about them eventually, but right now he doesn’t want to think about what hurt him in the past. He just wants to be here with him in the present.

The day passes without them really noticing, and Raphael goes out once the sun has set to fetch them some blood.

They take each other apart again, more heat to it this time, and when they’re done Raphael kisses his forehead and gets out of bed to get dressed.

“Where are you going?” Simon asks, wincing at how whiny he sounds.

Raphael smiles at him and crawls back in, placing a soft kiss on his parted lips.

“Now that the war is fought – and won – I have some vampire business to attend to. My clan was the only one that fought, so surely the Clave will have something to say about that.”

“Does it have to be now?”

“Yes, _cariño_. The Clave never cared for romance, and I don’t think they’ll start caring now. Not even if they could see the puppy eyes you’re giving me.”

“But you’re coming back, right?”

Raphael grimaces and strokes a curl out of Simon’s face, his touch gentle.

“No, not to Idris. I have to go back to New York to see if the others haven’t burned down the hotel while I was gone, and you have to stay here as my eyes and ears, being my advisor and all.”

“So this is a goodbye?”

“Don’t be so dramatic, baby,” Raphael sighs, “only for a few days. And then you’re coming home, to me, where you belong.”

“But I thought – ”

“What, you thought I would sleep with you and not take you back in afterwards?” Raphael clacks his tongue disapprovingly. “I thought you knew me better than that.”

Simon glares at him and Raphael laughs, ruffling through his hair affectionately.

“I really have to go now,” he says ruefully. He kisses him one last time, deep and sincere, and pulls back with a sigh.

“I love you, _mi rayo de sol_. My sunshine.”

Simon’s breath catches in his throat, but it’s not the panicked kind of being breathless. He scans Raphael’s face for any signs of insincerity and when he doesn’t find any, he whispers: “I love you too.”

Raphael smiles, small and affectionately, and steps out of their tent.

“I’ll see you soon,” he says before closing the flap.

Simon lets out a shaky breath when Raphael has disappeared and spends the next twenty minutes lazily sipping from his glass of blood and remembering last night, tracing his skin where Raphael had touched him oh so gently. Like he hadn’t just fought in a war and won. Like he hadn’t been a soldier with countless kills on his name.

He finally leaves their tent at midnight, when the voices outside are getting louder and more drunk. He’s greeted by his friends all gathered at a bonfire, eating meat with their hands and wiping their mouths with their sleeves like true post-war-warriors. Their faces have hardened and matured overnight, permanent creases in their brow, but they’re alive and that’s all that matters.

Meliorn and Jace are sitting close together, constantly touching as if the thought of being separated is unbearable, and Isabelle and Clary occasionally squeeze each other’s hand. Magnus is sitting on Alec’s lap, who’s rubbing soothing circles on his back, and Luke is sitting between Jocelyn and Alaric, holding both their hands.

Simon already misses Raphael, a deep aching settling in his chest, but as he watches his friends around the bonfire, he knows they’re okay.

Or at least, they will be. Someday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hah, I bet you were all expecting an angsty goodbye kiss but instead you got general war angst and a cute, innocent goodbye kiss. I fooled you!


	25. Cats and vampire myths

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the Tumblr prompt: "what if raphael just shapeshifts into some animal (cat maybe?) to be more comfy and Simon is like what the heck when did we get a cat but like picks the cat up and carries it around and pets it and all of the other vamps are like uh oh"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is honestly so ridiculous but someone requested it and I kinda liked it so here you go!

Shapeshifting is a vampire ability that most new fledglings deem impossible the fastest. For some reason they are more prone to believe that vampires can’t stand garlic or can be scared away by holding a cross in front of them or even that their reflection doesn’t show in mirrors. All these myths have to be unlearned even when they see solid proof in front of them, and yet shapeshifting is almost always something young fledglings don’t believe is possible. They often don’t even ask about it – probably think it was a silly vampire myth too ridiculous to ask about.

Simon isn’t an exception.

Raphael has to admit he’s kind of disappointed. Somewhere deep down he’d hoped that Simon wouldn’t be like the others, that he would be more curious about it. But it’s been a few months after his Turning and he has yet to ask about the shapeshifting myth.

He was quick to ask about the other myths, though. He seemed to be the most concerned with the garlic myth and was only relieved it wasn’t true for a second before Raphael told him vampires can’t stomach food all together, so he could kiss goodbye to his beloved garlic bread.

But, despite shapeshifting being a legitimate ability, only few vampires can actually master it. It’s hard to learn, like stretching a muscle you didn’t even know existed, like trying to lift an arm that isn’t there. Once you learn how to shapeshift, though, it’s pretty tempting to do it all the time. Raphael knows of vampires who purposely chose to live the rest of their lives as cats or owls because it felt more liberating. He also suspects some do it as some sort of suicide because vampires are not immortal in the body of animals. They age like normal animals, they can die like normal animals.

He doesn’t shapeshift that often. He’s usually pretty content with just being a vampire and doesn’t feel the need to shapeshift into something else, but sometimes he craves the peace and quiet as an animal. Existing like that is just… more primitive, in a way. He’s still aware he’s a vampire when he shapeshifts, but all his other thoughts and worries seem to be drowned out, as if they can’t reach him when he’s hidden away behind fur or feathers. There’s only him and his new body and the faint awareness that he needs to remember to change back.

After Simon’s betrayal, after weeks of missing him while simultaneously hating his guts and after finally taking him back in, be it with precaution and the promise that he would be kicked out again if he made Raphael doubt his loyalty again, Raphael can really use a few days of totally unbothered snoozing and lying around. So he makes sure all clan business is taken care of, letters are written and sent, alliances are stable and Lily has been made aware that she would be in charge of the clan for the next few days and then prepares himself to shapeshift into his favorite animal – a simple black cat.

He's expecting a few days of peace and quiet without anyone bothering him. But that dream is basically impossible when you have someone like Simon living in the hotel.

*

If you know _anything_ about Simon Lewis, you know that he _loves_ animals. Like, he would actually without a doubt _die_ for them. He once almost got hit by a car trying to snatch a cat off the road before it became a nice cat pancake. He used to sneak in stray dogs he found on the streets and bathe and feed them, or nurture sick birds back to health. He volunteered every spring to help frogs safely cross the road and had even gone full vegetarian after watching a documentary on slaughter houses.

So, yeah, he loves animals a lot. He also misses them, considering that the vampires have a strict ‘no pet’ policy in the hotel, mostly because most pets demand attention during the day and sleep during the night. Simon had argued that cats were mostly night crawlers and that dogs could be trained to sleep during the day, but Raphael wouldn’t have any of it.

“No pets, Simon,” he’d said firmly, “you can buy some pet fish if you want, but that’s it.”

Not even his famous pouts had changed Raphael’s mind.

In the past, Simon would’ve begged and pleaded to get a pet. He would’ve thrown out all his dignity if it meant he would get a soft snuggle bud. But he was forced to grow up after his Turning, especially in those few weeks away from the clan. Being separated from them had almost killed him, just like Raphael had warned it would. Vampires are bound to their clan and without their support they go insane or die, whichever comes first.

So he dropped his pet dream and forced the idea of having a soft animal running around to the back of his head.

However, when he sees a black cat snoozing in one of the chairs in the lounge, that thought resurfaces.

A soft gasp escapes his mouth as he tiptoes to the creature as quietly as he can, trying not to wake it. When he’s reached the chair it’s sleeping in, he carefully reaches out his hand to stroke its soft fur.

The cat stirs and makes a small sound, lazily blinking open its eyes.

Simon is taken aback by the unusual color of its eyes. He had expected the cat to have green eyes, maybe blue, but this cat has dark brown eyes. It’s a bit unsettling, almost too human to be cute, but then the cat yawns and stretches and Simon forgets the unusual color if its eyes.

“Hello there, little man,” Simon coos as he scratches the cat behind its ears. The cat purrs and tilts his head, slowly closing his eyes again as Simon continues to stroke him.

“I didn’t know we had a cat. Why does nobody ever tell me stuff like this?” He asks nobody in particular. He strokes the cat for a while before his legs start getting sore from sitting in a crouching position for too long.

Not ready to say goodbye to the first animal he’s seen in months yet, Simon decides to take him to his room where he can lie comfortably on his bed and play with the cat. He carefully scoops the creature up and the cat meows in protest, but Simon shushes it by scratching him behind its ears and slowly makes his way back to his room.

Once back into his room, he puts the cat down on his bed and looks for something he can use to play with. Cats like hunting things, right? Maybe he can move a shoe lace in front of its face to get him in playing mode.

The cat just lies down again and watches Simon with half-lidded eyes as he looks around his room to find something to play with. Simon eventually settles on a shoe lace of one of his old sneakers and walks back to the bed, but the cat has already closed its eyes again.

“You’re a lazy one, aren’t you?” Simon smiles. He starts petting the cat again, and it starts purring in return.

“Now, what to call you? I don’t think any of the others bothered with giving you a name, considering that they called me fledgling for the first few months I lived here. They probably just call you cat, don’t they? How very inconsiderate of them,” Simon says as he pets the cat, trying to come up with a decent name. The cat seems totally unbothered by his lack of name as he head-butts Simon’s hand.

“How about… we call you Nosfuratu? Get it, because you have a nice soft fur and you live in a vampire hotel?”

The cat meows, and Simon nods in agreement.

“Mhh, I know. I’m hilarious. Nosfuratu it is, then! Welcome to the family.”

Nosfuratu meows again, stretching his paws and digging his nails into the mattress. Simon smiles fondly down at him.

“You know, I always thought I was more of a dog person,” he muses as he curls up next to the cat after having kicked off his shoes.

“I always wanted a dog when I was a kid, not a cat. No offense, though. Just – I don’t know, I think all kids would rather have a dog than a cat. I fully blame television for that, by the way. With their weird ‘a boy and his dog’ rhetoric. But my sister is allergic to animals, so we never got one.”

He shrugs with one shoulder and traces the spine of Nosfurato, who rolls onto his side and stretches a paw to touch Simon’s face. Simon laughs at that.

“Anyway, I used to sneak stray dogs in anyway. Of course Rebecca’s sneezing would always sell me out, but I tried nevertheless. But then I Turned and dogs just… I mean, I still love them. But they also make me feel a bit uncomfortable. Like it’s suddenly in my nature to dislike canids. I have it with Luke and Alaric too, which is really annoying because they used to be the closest father figures I had. They still are, but just – it’s not the same, I guess. Sometimes Luke will touch me and I will flinch out of instinct.”

Simon falls silent for a moment, thinking about Luke and Alaric. They had always been a package deal; you could bet your ass that Luke would be where Alaric was and the other way around. They were partners in the police office, had desks next to each other, and after years of pining they eventually also moved in together. Simon now gets that their relationship is a bit more complicated than that and that Jocelyn is in the mix too somewhere, but back then they were the biggest reason Simon grew up comfortable in his own skin. Luke and Alaric never even had to give him ‘the talk’ about heterosexuality not being the default sexuality. He had a perfect, healthy example of two men living together and loving each other, and it never even occurred to him that it was unnatural or weird, no matter how little he saw same sex relationships represented in the media.

And it hurts, to be honest. Luke and Alaric were the reason why Simon never struggled with his sexuality. He knew from a very young age that he didn’t care about gender in relationships, and without Luke and Alaric he’s not sure if he could’ve accepted it just as easily as he does now. He owes them so much, and now he can’t even be in the same room with them for too long.

Nosfuratu seems to sense Simon’s distress, because he gets up only to curl up again against Simon’s chest. The little creature is warm against Simon’s cold skin, and he sighs with content.

“I hope it gets better,” he says after a while. The hotel has grown quiet around him. Most vampires are probably asleep by now, and Simon can feel his own body getting tired as the night creeps closer to dawn. But it feels nice to talk about this, even if it’s just to a cat. None of the other vampires will get why he’s upset about disliking werewolves.

“I hope I can learn to be comfortable around Luke and Alaric again. It’s really weird when your body goes into a flight or fight reaction when you get near the two men who basically raised you, but I don’t really want to ask Raphael about it because I don’t think he’ll understand. I’ll just have to wait and see, I guess.”

Nosfuratu looks up at him with big, intelligent eyes, and a sense of unease settles over Simon again. There’s something off about those eyes, but he can’t really put his finger on it.

“Sorry,” he chuckles, trying to laugh his unsettlement away, “you probably don’t care about this. You’re a cat. You hate dogs and anything resembling them. But it was nice talking to you anyway.”

He strokes Nosfuratu between his eyes and then rolls out of bed, briefly leaving the room to get changed in his bathroom. When he comes back wearing his pajamas, Nosfuratu has moved from the middle of the bed to one of Simon’s pillows.

Simon smiles to himself and gets in on the other side.

“Goodnight, buddy,” he says around a yawn. Nosfurato meows as reply.

Simon turns off the lights and curls up into his blankets, petting Nosfuratu one last time before closing his eyes.

*

Simon remembers why he used to like dogs more than cats when Nosfurato disappears off the face of the planet. He looks everywhere for him, calls his name and even goes out to buy some canned tuna in the hope of luring him back with some food.

But alas, three days later and Nosfuratu is still nowhere to be found. He asked Lily about the cat, but she just laughed in his face and walked away without explaining.

It’s not like Simon bonded with the cat overnight, but he does miss him now that he’s gone. He was something warm and soft in his new world where everything is cold and hard, something that reminded him of his Mundane life. It’s silly, linking a cat to the joys of human life, but that’s how he feels.

Raphael returns from wherever he’d been three days after Nosfurato disappeared. He knocks on Simon’s door one night and shuffles inside once Simon lets him in, holding a box and wearing a soft smile.

“I got you something,” he announces once he’s placed the box on Simon’s bed. Simon is suspicious, expecting new training gear or something else he wouldn’t really consider a gift, but then Raphael takes off the lid of the box and holds out a tiny, black kitten.

“Oh my _god_ ,” Simon breathes, ignoring the sharp sting in his throat he still feels whenever he says God. “You got me a kitten?”

Raphael shrugs and hands the kitten to Simon, who takes it with a huge smile.

“It’s a girl. You know, make sure she gets a decent name. Nothing like Nosfuratu, for example.”

Simon had been busy petting the kitten, but now his head jerks up to look at his clan leader.

“How did you know about Nosfuratu?” He asks.

Raphael cocks a bow, a smirk dancing on his lips.

“You know, when you just got Turned you asked me about a lot of vampire myths. But you never asked me about shapeshifting.”

“Wh – shape- shapeshifting?” Simon asks dumbstruck.

“Mhh,” Raphael nods, “usually we shapeshift into cats. I don’t know why or where it came from, but vampires and cats are kind of connected to each other. We understand each other.” Then he raises an eyebrow as he inches closer to the door. “I usually shift into a black cat.”

Simon gulps when he pieces it together. He feels a blush creep up his cheeks and though he doesn’t turn as red as he used to when he was human, he knows Raphael notices.

“Anyway,” the older vampire shrugs as he lets his hand rest on the door knob, “have fun with your new kitten. I promise she isn’t secretly a vampire, but next time you see an unfamiliar cat lounging around, maybe don’t take it back to your room to engage in a conversation with them. We usually don’t talk back.”

He’s about to leave the room, is already one step into the hallway, when he turns back around. The teasing expression on his face is gone and has been replaced by something softer.

“Oh, and Simon? It does get better. Being around werewolves, I mean. The more you expose yourself to them, the easier it gets.”

Simon manages to smile at him through his embarrassment.

“Thanks, Raphael,” he says.

Raphael nods and turns back around, leaving Simon alone with his new kitten and his thoughts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm free of exams and still have 2 weeks before I have to go back to school, so I'm gonna try to update this collection as often as possible and also write some stand-alone fics! 
> 
> I hope everyone still going to school had a great first day back and if you didn't I hope this can cheer you up at least a little bit!


	26. Halloween parties and handcuffs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the Tumblr prompt: "you’re a cop here to break up the party but i thought it was a costume and may have made some inappropriate suggestions regarding your handcuffs"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while, hasn't it! I've been really busy lately/lacking motivation to write, but I'm trying to update either this or my writing in general as frequently as possible. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

When it was just Simon and Clary, they didn’t really go to Halloween parties. They preferred to stay over at each other’s houses and watch horror movies until one of them was either crying, begging for it to stop or gone home. Halloween was _their_ holiday, just the two of them. It had been like that since they were kids – wearing matching costumes, carving pumpkins (under Luke’s supervision until they were thirteen) and going trick or treating. Halloween stayed their favorite day of the year, even when they got too old for trick or treating. They still dressed up, even if it was just to sit inside and watch horror movies.

But that was before Isabelle Lightwood walked into Clary’s life.

Look, Simon likes Isabelle. He even had a crush on her for a while, but that quickly disappeared when Clary confessed to him, crying and everything, that she thought she was in love with her. Simon had played perfect match maker for them, and he doesn’t necessarily regret it or blame himself for being such an amazing wingman, but he does wishes that Halloween would still be the holiday of him and Clary.

But alas. At the start of October, when they normally start discussing possible costumes to wear, Clary asks him if it’s okay if they go to a party this year instead of stay in.

“We’re both twenty and we have never been to a party,” she says. “I think it’s time to change that.”

“Not true,” Simon comments. “We went to Maureen’s sweet sixteen.”

“Yeah, and you begged me to go home with you after two hours. Come on, Simon. It’ll be fun!”

Simon grumbles something about hating crowds and loud music, but he eventually agrees to go.

It doesn’t even come as a shock to him when Clary asks him if it’s okay if she matches her costume with Isabelle’s instead of his. He can’t even be mad about it; Simon has always known the way Clary gets when she likes someone. So, instead of going as Harry Potter and Ginny Weasley, Clary goes as Ginny and Isabelle as Hermione, her hair in wild, big curls. Simon decides to go as Poe Dameron instead.

Simon drives them to the party location, being the only one who was a car. Isabelle and Clary chat the whole way there, and despite Clary’s efforts to involve Simon in the conversation, he just can’t be bothered to socialize. He has to save up for later, when he’s in a room full of strangers and will probably be forced to talk to all of them.

“So, how do you know this guy again?” Clary asks when they’ve reached the loft the party’s held at. They’re in a fancy neighborhood, one where Simon’s run down, ugly van doesn’t belong.

Isabelle shrugs. “Magnus is my brother’s boyfriend. He throws a massive party every year. They’re always legendary.”

They climb the stairs together and ring the doorbell, but the music is too loud for anyone to hear. Isabelle just pushes the door open and invites them in.

Magnus’ loft is _huge_.

That’s Simon’s first impression. There are a lot of people, and yet it still feels like it’s big and spacious. Two double glass doors lead to an equally big balcony outside, on which some people are chatting or having a smoke. There’s a DJ inside, settled on a small stage against the far wall, and an entire buffet of different Halloween-related snacks and drinks. There’s even a bar.

There are a lot of people present, and yet it only takes Isabelle a minute to apparently spot her big brothers across the room. She takes Clary’s hand. “Come on!” She screams over the loud music. “I want to introduce you to my brothers!”

Clary lets herself be pulled with her and only briefly turns around to tell Simon she’ll be back soon. Then she’s gone.

If there’s one thing Simon has learnt as an awkward high school student, it’s to never just stand somewhere all alone. It makes you an easy target for assholes and also for anxiety to come strike you down because you think everyone is making fun of the ‘loner with no friends’. So he quickly finds his way to the bar, where he can at least _sit. Sitting_ alone _always_ looks cooler than standing alone. When you sit, you can pretend to be waiting on someone, you can just watch the crowd, or you could act like you’re too cool to come with friends or talk to anyone. When you stand, you just look like an awkward loser.

And to look even cooler sitting down, Simon is brave enough to order a beer.

The bartender only eyes him up and down once before apparently deciding that Simon looks old enough to consume alcohol. It’s actually still a few more months before his twenty first birthday, but the bartender doesn’t need to know that.

Simon takes long swigs of his beer as he watches people dance and talk. It’s a nice beer; cold and smooth on the tongue. Simon is a beer dude. Has been since he tasted it for the first time when he was sixteen, after having snuck it in from Rebecca’s secret stash in her room. She hadn’t even been angry when she found out; had just told him she was glad he’d tried his first alcohol at home instead of some irresponsible party.

But, despite _liking_ beer, he doesn’t really get the opportunity to drink it often. And that means he’s not used to the alcohol, which means he’s already tipsy after only finishing his first bottle.

Simon gets talkative when he gets drunk, and since he figures that bartenders are trained to deal with drunk customers, he thinks she’s probably the best person to talk to.

“Hey,” Simon says to draw her attention. The bartender turns to him, drying a glass and quirking an eyebrow.

“Why aren’t you dressed up?” He wants to know. His words don’t slur, not yet, and for that he’s grateful.

“Because I’m working?” The bartender suggests.

“Oh,” Simon mutters. That makes sense. “Well, I like your shirt.”

The bartender looks down onto her Star Wars shirt and then back to Simon, looking as if she only just now realizes he’s supposed to be Poe Dameron.

“If you’re trying to hit on me, I’m a lesbian,” she says dryly.

“I’m not! Just – you know. Making small talk.”

The bartender narrows her eyes at him before sighing. “Alright, then,” she says. “I’m Maia.”

Simon beams at her. “Simon.”

*

Simon ends up talking to Maia for the biggest part of the night while she steadily provides him with more beer. He finds out that she’s as much into comics as he is, that’s she’s a bartender at night and a History major by day, and that her girlfriend Lily is here too somewhere. She’s nice to talk to, especially because they share similar interests, and Simon doesn’t even mind Clary not being with him.

The relaxed, nice atmosphere in the loft disappears when there’s loud knocking on the door, followed by a police officer stepping inside.

The music stops and some people make a beeline for Magnus’ private rooms, where they’ll probably try to hide or escape via the fire exit. Others flick joints off the balcony and wave around until the smoke disappears.

But Simon, being Simon, doesn’t put two and two together and somehow still assumes the man standing in the doorway is just a bit too into his costume.

“Dude,” he says, loud enough for everyone to hear now that the music has stopped. “Those are some sick handcuffs! You ever use them to cuff someone to your bed?”

The man raises an eyebrow at him. “Excuse me?” He says.

“You know,” Simon shrugs, making a vague gesture at the handcuffs. “When someone’s been bad and you just want to _punish_ them.” He wiggles his eyebrows suggestively and eyes the man up and down. “To be honest, you could punish me any day of the week.”

“Sir, are you sexually intimidating a cop?”

“Wh – sexually intimidating? I just offered to be the one being punished! I’d be the sub in this situation!”

“Simon,” Maia says warningly, “I think it’s time for you to shut up.”

Maia looks from the ‘cop’ to Maia and back, waving her off. “It’s fine, I’m just messing around,” he says. He grins at the man still standing in the doorway. “You know I am, right? Just some light banter. Look, dude. I’m a bit drunk, and I always get weird when I’m drunk, so I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable or anything.” Then he gestures to his outfit. “I like your costume, though.”

The man smiles smugly at Simon as he digs something out of his pocket. He holds it up to show it to Simon and says: “Raphael Santiago, NYPD. I was sent here because of a noise complaint, but now I also really want to see some ID, buddy.”

Oh shit.

“Oh shit,” Simon mutters. He didn’t bring his fake ID, and there’s no point in running, so he just digs up his wallet and hands his ID to the (very real) cop.

“Not twenty one yet,” Raphael Santiago says.

“I am almost,” Simon tries sheepishly.

“Not good enough,” the cop grumbles. He takes Simon by the arm and pulls him off the bar stool. “I guess I’ll have to use my handcuffs on you after all.”

“Not in the setting I had in mind, though,” Simon sighs.

Raphael clicks the handcuffs around Simon’s wrists and guides him back to the door. He turns around and scans the crowd, probably knowing full well there must be more underage drinkers here but apparently not deeming that important enough to call back-up for, and says: “Tone it down a bit, yeah? The neighbors are complaining.”

That’s just Simon’s luck. Being the only one arrested at a party he didn’t even want to go to, just because he was stupid enough to actually _tell_ the cop he was drunk.

One day, this is gonna be really funny. But for now it just makes him feel miserable.

*

Raphael is actually pretty nice, as far as nice cops go. He lets Simon sit in the passenger’s seat of his car instead of in the backseat where the _criminals_ sit and even tells him he didn’t really want to arrest him but that it’s his job to do so. Simon can’t really blame him. Any decent cop would arrest an underage drinker when they openly admit to be underage and drinking. He even compliments Simon’s jacket.

“Episode seven is my favorite so far,” Raphael says casually, as if that isn’t the way straight to Simon’s heart. “It used to be episode four, but seven was legendary.”

“Oh my god, I _know_ ,” Simon says. “All the characters were so well rounded and likeable and the plot was easy to follow even if you hadn’t seen the previous movies and the special effects were _amazing_.”

Raphael shoots him a quick smile before focusing back on the road. “I take it Poe is your favorite character?” He wonders.

Simon shrugs. “Yeah, I guess he is. It’s just really nice to see some positive Latino representation, you know? We’re always either drug dealers or oversexualized lovers. It’s nice to see us fighting on the good side for once.”

Raphael chuckles softly. It’s a nice sound in the quiet car.

“I get it,” he says. “He’s my favorite too. I have to admit I haven’t seen many Poe costumes this Halloween, though. Mostly Kylo Ren.”

“White trash,” Simon mutters. That makes Raphael laugh out loud.

“He is, isn’t he? Just a big, pathetic man child.”

It’s quiet for a moment after that, but then Simon turns to Raphael and asks: “Is that why you became a cop? To show people we do actually fight on the good side?”

Raphael looks at him. “Despite my love for positive representation in the media, I didn’t become a cop to show we’re good guys too.”

“Then why did you do it?”

Raphael shrugs. “My mom, mostly. She always wanted me to stand up for people, to protect them.” Then he glances in his rearview mirror. “Besides, not all cops fight on the good side. They like to _pretend_ that they do, but the NYPD is still filled with racists and bigots hiding behind guns and badges.” He shifts a bit in his seat. “Don’t tell anyone I told you that, though. The cops are supposed to be untouchable.”

“Well,” Simon says confidently, “I think you’re a good cop.”

Raphael smiles. It isn’t supposed to make Simon feel warm inside, but it does nevertheless.

“Why, thank you,” Raphael says. “I try.”

Their conversation falters after that, but Simon doesn’t really mind. Exhaustion is starting to pull on him, and he has to try his best to stay awake in the warm car. He’s dozing off, which is weird considering it always takes Simon a while to doze off and the police station shouldn’t be that far from Magnus’ loft.

“Not that I look forward to being put in a holding cell, but shouldn’t we be at the station by now?” He wonders.

Raphael lets out a sigh. “Yeah, but I’ve been thinking. You’re a good kid, Simon. I would feel really bad putting you in jail when I wasn’t even sent to the party to arrest underage drinkers.”

“So, what? You’re just gonna let me walk?”

Raphael sighs again and pulls over.

“I’m gonna let you off with a warning. Don’t be caught drinking again until you turn twenty one, especially not by me.”

“Sweet!” Simon cheers. He holds out his hands for Raphael to uncuff and opens the door.

“Hey,” Raphael says when Simon is already halfway out of the car. “Don’t get in any more trouble with the cops.”

Feeling uncharacteristically brave uncuffed and close to freedom, Simon grins cheekily and says: “But what if I want to see you again?”

That seems to throw Raphael off guard. He opens and closes his mouth, stutters an incoherent reply and clears his throat.

“Cops aren’t really supposed to go out with people they arrested,” he eventually manages to say.

Simon hates how he feels his smug grin drop. “Oh,” he breathes. “Ye – yeah, that makes sense. Sorry, that was – uh. That was a silly thing of me to say.”

He gets out of the car, trying to hide the embarrassing I-just-got-rejected blush high on his cheeks, but then Raphael calls out his name. Simon bends down to look into the car.

“I – uh. I’m free on the weekends, though. You know, off duty. Technically not a cop. And uh…” He looks at his steering wheel. “None of my colleagues know I arrested you.”

Simon raises an eyebrow. “Are you agreeing to go out with me?”

Raphael exhales. “I guess I am.”

Simon beams at him and quickly unlocks his phone before handing it to Raphael. Their fingers touch as Raphael takes it.

“Give me your number so I can call you about the details,” he says. Raphael does as told and hands the phone back to Simon when he’s done.

“Cool! Then I guess I’ll call you later?”

Raphael smiles, and for the first time that night, he almost looks shy. “Yeah, I guess you will.”

Simon grins and waves goodbye, closing the door and making a move to start walking. Raphael rolls down his window before he can, though.

“Hey, and Simon? I mean it. Don’t make me use those cuffs on you again.”

“Unless I want you to, right?” Simon winks.

Raphael just rolls his eyes and drives away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Brianna requested this on Tumbr but I'm gonna dedicate this to Jen because some rats on curiouscat CANT LEAVE THEM ALONE and I will personally FIGHT ALL OF THEM because Jen is the PUREST. I hope we can all agree on this


End file.
